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Devasted · Jan 10, 2011, 01:03 PM

I got divorced when my sons were 15 and 12. With the advice of my lawyer I gave my older son the option of staying in the family home. I moved out with my younger son. A year and 1/2 later I got remarried to a wonderful intelligent man. My relationship went downhill with my son from then on. My ex is a very insecure vindictive person. Here we are 10 years later and he has not moved on a day. He has successfully turned my son against me. He lied to my sisters about me. I never felt the need to justify my move and they never asked me. Therefore they sided with him. They stepped over the line and have sided with him.My sisters and I no longer speak.When my son graduated high school and college I was not invited.I went anyway. My sisters sat with my son and my ex while I sat in the back with my other son. I have written, texted,sent b-day gifts, x-mas gifts and don't even get a thank you. I've written him him heart felt letters of my love for him. He thinks I left him. NEVER. I Love him with all my heart. My ex has brainwashed him. I am sick. I cry way too much. Many a nights my hub has held me while I sobbed. I'm lost as what else to do. Should I keep sending gifts? I've been told to stop. He has written me out of his life. Even typing this is killing me. Any sound advice? Devastated

excon · Jan 10, 2011, 01:08 PM

Hello D:

Never give up on your children...

excon

jenniepepsi · Jan 11, 2011, 08:31 AM

I agree with excon. While it sounds like a horrible situation, and I can't think of much to do about it :( don't give up ever. He is an adult but still young, it took me until being almost 30 before I 'pulled my head out of my ars' and started to think for myself instead of those around me

bamagurl64 · Jan 12, 2011, 05:47 AM

I can TOTALLY RELATE to you, only my situation is so much worse!! My ex-husband & his family have turned my two boys against me. I still have communication with my youngest 13 but my 16 year old has totally written me off, telling his friends horrible things about me (that he has heard from his father & his family!). I talked with my previous family counselor in the area and she stated last night, to continue to reach out... he may have written me off, but I don't have to write him off~sit down and write him notes confirming your love for him~Never Give Up on our children. They are old enough to know better, but it is REALLY SAD that grown adults use children's hearts to try and get back at us! We as mothers have UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. I would love to communicate more, as I am truly having a horrible time with my situation. Bamagurl64

Devasted · Jan 12, 2011, 08:34 AM

Thanks for responding. This is my first time ever reaching out like this. I am normally a strong person.I know how you feel. I am so thankful my 20 year has a good head on his shoulders. I never speak badly of their dad.It's too sad. Devaststed

Devasted · Jan 12, 2011, 08:37 AM

People that suggest I stop w the gifts have not walked in my shoes. I will never stop trying. I love him too much.Thanks Jenniepepsi.

Devasted · Jan 12, 2011, 08:38 AM

I never will... but the hurt is aging and killing me.

Devasted · Jan 12, 2011, 08:42 AM

Anytime u need to talk bamagurl. I stay strong for my hub and other son,don't want to see them hurt because of me.This is what prompted me to join
Here.. Needed to talk. Devastated

dontknownuthin · Jan 12, 2011, 11:40 AM

Never give up. If you've been wrong about any aspects, own up to it and apologize. Advise him in a letter that there are two sides to every story. Avoid bashing his father to him and just offer to share your side if he'd like to hear it now that he is an adult. Tell him you're proud of him.