Check out some similar questions!

spaderz · Oct 24, 2010, 11:23 AM

Im 15 and my boyfriend is 17 and we've been together for nearly a year and I want to do sexual stuff with him but I'm scared too... I'm self conscious about my body and think I'm fat and ugly and everything and I don't know what to do about it because I'm scared he won't like what I look like... I know I'm ready for all this but my body just makes me self conscious, what should I do?

Fr_Chuck · Oct 24, 2010, 11:38 AM

You should be more scared of becoming pregnant more than him not liking what you look at,
Just wait till you are ready to be a mother and can support yourself.

justcurious55 · Oct 24, 2010, 11:38 AM

No, clearly you are not ready for all this. Not even anywhere near ready. You're only 15. If you were something like 20 and 22, or 27 and 29, the age gap would be nothing. But at 15 and 17, it's clearly too much.

Are you ready for a child? Or dealing with an std? Or what if he leaves after you begin having sex with him? Are you ready for that?

And being sexual with him is not going to raise or help yourself esteem.

What yo need to be doing right now is focusing on learning to love yourself and you school work.

ScottGem · Oct 24, 2010, 11:44 AM

More importantly, you could be risking a jail sentence for your boyfriend as you are probably underage.

Is your boyfriend pressuring you?

spaderz · Oct 24, 2010, 11:46 AM

No, he is not pressuring me its just something I want to do, and I'm 16 soon anyway

ScottGem · Oct 24, 2010, 11:54 AM

But its not something you SHOULD want to do. Especially not sexual intercourse. NO one should engage in sexual intercourse unless they are ready to have a child.

bellababy60 · Oct 24, 2010, 12:43 PM

When I was 22 and having my first child... I thought I was pretty young to be having a baby. In the hospital, there was a 15 year old girl giving birth too. The scary thing about it was that my boyfriend of two years didn't want the baby, but I couldn't give it up. That was 28 years ago... I don't think you are ready for sex especially if you have a low self esteem and poor self image about your body. Being "sexy" starts with having good feelings about yourself and the only way to establish that would be to remain a virgin until you understand the complex emotions that will come with your boyfriend dumping you once he gets what he wants. Ask him this... "are you ready for marriage"? If the answer is no, then he's probably not ready to accept the consequences of you becoming pregnant, should you engage in intercourse. Also, can you confide in a female friend or relative, even your mother about your feelings. You should not have such confusing feelings about sex at this age. Talk to someone closer to you, who knows you well.

Imperfection · Oct 24, 2010, 01:22 PM

To answer your real question, you should be proud of the way you look and not doubt yourself. If you want to have a more sexual relationship with your boyfriend just make sure to be protected so you don't end up making a mistake.

mmresd · Oct 24, 2010, 01:41 PM

It is very contradictory to say that you are ready for "more" when you have not gotten over the innate fears that all people in this world have, which is being self conscious. Look at things from a different perspective, you being ready for more is good, but it takes two people to have intimate relations. Now, do you think that if you both are ready and he actually wants to have sex with you that he would not enjoy how you look? If he didn't like the way you looking whether your tall, short, fat, or skinny, then he probably wouldn't be with you anyway. Unless this is an online relationship, then he already knows what you look like and if he has been mentioning sex then he obviously likes the way you look enough for him to want something more than a friendship with. I don't want to come off as someone who is pushing you to have sex, because I believe that the only person that decides that is you, and the person who you are with. But if you want to, then DO IT! And also, if you decide to do it please use protection as pregnancy and STD's are always a problem within our age group, use a condom even if you are sure that he doesn't have an STD, and if you are on birth control it is your choice and your risk because even though it is 99.9% efficient it only take the 0.01% for you to get pregnant.

Good Luck,

Javi

ScottGem · Oct 24, 2010, 01:51 PM

Originally Posted by Imperfection

To answer your real question, you should be proud of the way you look and not doubt yourself. If you want to have a more sexual relationship with your boyfriend just make sure to be protected so you dont end up making a mistake.

Are you really encouraging or even condoning a 15 yr old to become sexually active? That is VERY imperfect advice! We don't do that here!

Originally Posted by mmresd

I don't want to come off as someone who is pushing you to have sex, because I believe that the only person that decides that is you, and the person who you are with. But if you want to, then DO IT!

You may not be "pushing it" but you are, at the least, condoning it. And that is irresponsible. You may "believe" that only the participants can decide, but the law says otherwise. The fact is that most teens are not emotionally prepared for the complications that becoming sexually active involves.

mmresd · Oct 24, 2010, 03:12 PM

Sorry if you don't agree with me, 17 with 15 is not breaking the law, and I am not condoning it, I am just making sure that if she makes whatever choice she does, then it will be better to recommend to be careful about it, since it is her choice.

mmresd · Oct 24, 2010, 03:13 PM

Information is better than telling her she doesn't have a choice about what to do with her own body, and I think we are entitled to our own recommendations on this forum, since it isn't a discussion. God Bless America.

ScottGem · Oct 24, 2010, 03:29 PM

Originally Posted by mmresd

Comment on ScottGem's post
Sorry if you don't agree with me, 17 with 15 is not breaking the law, and I am not condoning it, I am just making sure that if she makes whatever choice she does, then it will be better to recommend to be careful about it, since it is her choice.

Information is better than telling her she doesn't have a choice about what to do with her own body, and I think we are entitled to our own recommendations on this forum, since it isn't a discussion. God Bless America.

How do you know it isn't against the law? Without knowing where the OP lives you have no idea what the laws are that govern. The fact is that most places set 16 as the age of consent! Its one thing to recommend safe sex if she chooses that route, its another to condone that choice. That's what you did and that is irresponsible.

And yes she does have that choice, but that doesn't mean it would be the right choice, hence condoning that choice would, again, be irresponsible.

Yes you are entitled to your recommendations which is why I didn't give a negative comment. But that doesn't mean I can't label that recommendation as I see it. However, we pride ourselves on the quality of the advice we dispense here. And condoning teenage sex is not quality advice.

mmresd · Oct 24, 2010, 04:42 PM

You are right that I don't know where the OP lives, but in the US, I believe that (and correct me if I'm wrong) there is a 36 month law that allows you to sleep with anyone within 36 months of age or less. So it wouldn't be illegal.

mmresd · Oct 24, 2010, 04:43 PM

And again... I was not condoning it, if she wants to do it... it is simple, she WILL. So why fight it? Better to educate about risks and how to prevent bad things than to try to change her mind. Considering that she fells ready to do it already!

ScottGem · Oct 24, 2010, 05:03 PM

Originally Posted by mmresd

but in the US, I believe that (and correct me if I'm wrong) there is a 36 month law that allows you to sleep with anyone within 36 months of age or less. So it wouldn't be illegal.

You are wrong. Some states do have laws regarding the age gap, but the amount of the gap varies and not all states have such laws.

Originally Posted by mmresd

And again... I was not condoning it, if she wants to do it... it is simple, she WILL. So why fight it? Better to educate about risks and how to prevent bad things than to try to change her mind.

Originally Posted by mmresd

I believe that the only person that decides that is you, and the person who you are with. But if you want to, then DO IT!

Sorry, but both of the above quotes DO condone it! It IS better to fight it! Its better to say "this would be a mistake, but if you want to risk ruining your life then at least minimize the risks." One can educate without condoning. You aren't doing that.

Imperfection · Oct 24, 2010, 09:52 PM

But who are you to say what she can or can not do, if she feels she is ready then she may go ahead as long as she knows what might happen and stays protected, I am not saying it is right for her to do that now but its not your choice to make, its her own and all I advised is that if she were to do it, then to make sure the mistakes that could happen if she doesn't stay protected.

Alty · Oct 24, 2010, 10:39 PM

Originally Posted by Imperfection

but who are you to say what she can or can not do, if she feels she is ready then she may go ahead as long as she knows what might happen and stays protected, i am not saying it is right for her to do that now but its not your choice to make, its her own and all i adviced is that if she were to do it, then to make sure the mistakes that could happen if she doesnt stay protected.

So, if she wants to commit murder, or rob a bank, would your advice be to go for it, if she feels she wants to than she should go ahead, as long as she knows what might happen? After all, it's her choice, right?

Just like murder, and robbery, there are laws about underage sex. In effect you're telling her that it's okay for her to break the law, that it's no big deal.

Are you all starting to realize why this is not good advice? She's 15, and it is not legal for her to be having sex!

On this site we never advise children to have sex. We counsel, we listen, we give them the facts, but we will do not encourage illegal activity.

Imperfection · Oct 24, 2010, 10:48 PM

Growing up as a teenager, you want to try more things going through puberty, its common for most teens to try sexual intercourse, that's why they use protection, because they are not ready for a child. Im not saying for her to go out and do this but if she were to decide to do such a thing, to understand she could end up having a child and to at least be safe.

YeloDasy · Oct 24, 2010, 11:06 PM

If you are questioning ANYTHING about it, you are not ready! The way you feel about yourself will be in someone else's hands and that is not any position to put yourself in. Most girls your age are not ready to have sex. It is pressure, emotions, and responsibilities that you do not need to be dealing with right now. Please work on being happy with yourself. Hang out with your girlfriends and learn who you are and love yourself, inside and out! You do not need sex for that... you need healthy friendships!