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I think my boyfriend may be gay
I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now. We spend really great time went we are together. At the bigining we tried to base our relatinship in trust,love and respect.he is funny, sweet and smart. I LOVE HIM and I'm sure that he loves me too. But, our sex life is not good at all. I am always the one that takes the first step. He hugs,kiss and touch me everywhere... yea, he turn me on. But then he just said that he is tired, that just because we don't have sex it doesn't mean that he dosen't love me.(I'm confused) to me sex is something strong that hold a relationship together.
Our relationship is been affected. Most of the time we ended up in a discussiom.(I feel insecure) last week. I ask him in a very nice way what does he think about gays and his answered was that he aprove 100% the way gay people live their life and that it's not their fault to be like that. It is totally normal to him. I asked him if he had ever kiss a guy he said no.I asked if he have ever have sex with a guy his answer was no.I asked if he feel atraction for guys but he said no. so, I asked why is the he doesn't like sex with a girl? His answer was that he doesn't care about sex (he is only 25?? )i'm 25 as well. And I know that if the answer is yes I am the last person he would tell it. But I just had to ask. He may be even be afraid that I will hate or reject him afterward. That it is not the truth. I'm a opend mind person. He comes form a good (traditional) family. My guess is the he is afraid to face that he is gay. May be he is terrified of his onw feelings. He often repit tha he is just a normal man. He is planing on moving with me like in two month. He is olso talking about marriage. He is sure that he wants a wife, kids and a house.to me sex is hugely important in marriage. I don't know if I should break with him before everything gets worse.( it's pretty scary tought.) I LOVE HIM. All I want is to stay true in our relationship. Somehow I feel like if he is just jusing me as a cover. Ove2u |
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All right,
My wife and I waited a year and a half before we started a sexual relationship. We became friends first. Now we are married and yes, it was lots of fun, but sex is not the most important thing in the relationship. Sex is not the most important thing in marriage. Friendship, Communication, and trust is the key to a good marriage. It sounds like you two might be opposites. If you are planning to be together why do you not talk to him about your concerns? Not jumping the gun about him being gay or questioning him because that will only push him away further. Sex, intercourse. There importance are different for different people. Each persons sex drive is different. Does not mean someone is gay. So if you think your going to break it off just because you think sex is more important. You should let him go right now. All your going to be doing is hurting yourself more down the road if you go through with this especially if your doubtful your going to be faithful. Joe |
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Hi... well I am small to give any suggestion to you but...
From what I understand reading you is that... evn he is not sure about it... What I think is you should once again try and ask him about this topic... As you both love each other and don't want to lose your relation I think you need to talk We can't assume nything unless the guy makes it clear to us or to himself first If he is still in a dilemma it not too late to get him to his right place... If he has something in mind he should open up... Dats all I can say by my understanding... Rest depends on u... dont mind of my views As I said I am small yet... |
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[QUOTE=Jesushelper76]All right,
My wife and I waited a year and a half before we started a sexual relationship. We became friends first. Now we are married and yes, it was lots of fun, but sex is not the most important thing in the relationship. Sex is not the most important thing in marriage. Friendship, Communication, and trust is the key to a good marriage. It sounds like you two might be opposites. If you are planning to be together why do you not talk to him about your concerns? Not jumping the gun about him being gay or questioning him because that will only push him away further. Sex, intercourse. There importance are different for different people. Each persons sex drive is different. Does not mean someone is gay. So if you think your going to break it off just because you think sex is more important. You should let him go right now. All your going to be doing is hurting yourself more down the road if you go through with this especially if your doubtful your going to be faithful. Joe[/QUOTE You are right, communication , and trust is the key to a good marriage. The issue here is that I trusted him.but, because of his behavior when he is around good looking guys is my concern. I understand that he doesn't like sex.I'm been pacient. I love him. The last thing I want to do is to hurt him. All I want it is to stay true. |
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[QUOTE=nomzy]hi... well I am small to give any suggestion to you but...
From what I understand reading you is that... evn he is not sure about it... What I think is you should once again try and ask him about this topic... As you both love each other and don't want to lose your relation I think you need to talk We can't assume nything unless the guy makes it clear to us or to himself first If he is still in a dilemma it not too late to get him to his right place... If he has something in mind he should open up... Dats all I can say by my understanding... Rest depends on u... dont mind of my views You got my point. We are doing a lot of talking ( no fating, I'm a opend mind person) what piss me off is that I feel he is not saying the truth. |
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Jesushelper is right on this one. Sex is not the most important part of the relationship. Communication and trust is. You should feel comfortable with talking to your boyfriend about your lack of a sex life. Maybe he can give you a reason why sex is not important to him right now. Perhaps there is stress at work, maybe he needs some space. You are jumping to conclusions in thinking that he is gay.
Then whatever he tells you... you need to trust that he is telling you the truth or your relationship will never work. |
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It seems that you will not believe him anyway since he already told you he wasn't gay. If lack of sex is all you base your suspicions on, you really have nothing then. Keep talking and work it out like mature people. The problem may be yours not his. Hmmm! Communication is the key here. I know you said you've talked about it but if you don't trust him, or believe him, what do you expect from him? I know SEX. Keep talking.
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 Originally Posted by talaniman
Lack of sex it is no all I'm basing my suspisions. Every time we go the gym, he doesn't stop looking at the guys. He is always making coments about how saxy some guys look with the way they dress... ( that's why I started getting:confused: about his sex... ) I shose to be with him 'cause I truly love him. He knows everything about me.hmmm!! I know, you guys are right, by saying that love is base on communication and trust. |
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Originally Posted by love2u
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Hello love:
I don't think HE'S the point. You like sex. You're not getting it. If you marry this guy, you'll NEVER get it. It doesn't matter WHY he's not giving it to you. What matters, is that you're not getting it. Yes, trust is important. Yes, communication is important. But, Sweetheart, if you're not getting laid well, and often, then all that other stuff ain't worth squat! excon |
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Perhaps your boyfriend respects you and intimacy and wants to wait before the two of you have sex like you said he comes from a traditional family. Or maybe he is conscious about his body and is afraid of what you will think. I agree with the others that you do need to speak with him and it may make things easier if you weren't already convinced that he was gay. Once upon a time it used to be the girls who wanted to wait to have sex, when did that change?
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Originally Posted by tamed
I'm taking this (gay) think off my head. Thanks, for turning ON my light. |
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He is definitely not gay... and trust me if he was gay he wouldn't be talking about having kids with you... or marrying you or anything he would just be plain distant... so I say give it some time if anything it seems like he has trust issues and is afraid to close to you because maybe he is afraid of bieng hurt... just let him get there when he is ready!
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Hello cute:
So, you've never heard of Ted Haggart?? excon |
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Anytime, love2u. Jut take it easy and you should be OK. Thanks for keeping us up to date though and make sure you stay on track. If you do need to talk or rant, we're just a computer away.
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QUOTE=tamed]Anytime, love2u. Jut take it easy and you should be OK. Thanks for keeping us up to date though and make sure you stay on track. If you do need to talk or rant, we're just a computer away.[/QUOTE]
__________________________________________________ ________________________ Definitely :) Love 2u |
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Originally Posted by excon
I haven't Ex... who is he?? Or maybe she :cool: |
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OK look I just joined this but a few questions are things I have experienced... I used to have friends ask if I was gay and then my girl asked me if I was gay... first of that hurt my feelings... I told her that soemtime I feel like I am the girl in the relationship... but that is bevcause she is vary storng... I know I am not gay and she asked me that because our sex was not like it was supposed to... but she would find porn...
For me I had never really experienced a real girl to do what I want with sexually... Have you asked him if soemtimes sex is not all its craked up to him... then ask him why its not... My bet is he just doesn't know and fears failing at it.. so now he has a hang up... I used to go to porn because it was my sffe place... I wouldn't finish to quick or do it worng... I was in charge... you just need to ease him in... do the things he likes and buildit up for his omfort.. it may sound stupid to have to treat a guy this way... but hnestly some women are way above the curve as far as sex than their guy... even if he says he is not watch and observe... most guys won't admit to sex issues... |
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[QUOTE=lostandnowfound]OK look I just joined this but a few questions are things I have experienced... I used to have friends ask if I was gay and then my girl asked me if I was gay... first of that hurt my feelings... I told her that soemtime I feel like I am the girl in the relationship... but that is bevcause she is vary storng... I know I am not gay and she asked me that because our sex was not like it was supposed to... but she would find porn...
For me I had never really experienced a real girl to do what I want with sexually... Have you asked him if soemtimes sex is not all its craked up to him... then ask him why its not... My bet is he just doesn't know and fears failing at it.. so now he has a hang up... I used to go to porn because it was my sffe place... I wouldn't finish to quick or do it worng... I was in charge... you just need to ease him in... do the things he likes and buildit up for his omfort.. it may sound stupid to have to treat a guy this way... but hnestly some women are way above the curve as far as sex than their guy... even if he says he is not watch and observe... most guys won't admit to sex issues... [/QUOT\\\ __________________________________________________ ________________________ Interesting... :) |
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Hey, some people just don't have the urge. It could be hormonal. Maybe he likes you but doesn't find you attractive ( not to be rude) Or maybe he is gay. Anyway you look at it... If you're not on the same page, maybe the relationship is bunk and should be scraped. |
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