[loneleygirl]

Two nights ago I had a coming home party because I had been in Europe for a while. All my family and family friends were there one who I have had a secret crush on since I was little. I started drinking and all of a sudden it was dark outside people were starting to go to bed but I wasn't ready yet so me him and his friend matt went to the beach. When we got there they dared me to swimming so I did then they dared me to go skinny dipping and I said I'd only go if they went with me so we all went (AWKWARD!) then we came back and went in my hot tub. That's when it really went down hill they started asking me to make out with them I kept saying no then they started asking me questions like "how many guys have you slept with?" and "How many guys have you blown?" Then all of a sudden I started feeing someone poke my tummy. It was him then he put me on his lap. Matt left all of a sudden I felt him nibbling on my shoulder then we started making out (HARDCORE!) I was on top of him all of a sudden he flipped me over he started fingering me I kept telling him no but I really wanted to so I stopped then I started to hurt down there I realized we were having sex. He pulled me out of the hot tub into this tiny bathroom. He went down on me then I gave him head and then we had sex some more. He kept saying stuff that Maybe I should have liked but it made me uncomfortable like "your so wet" and "Dang! you have a fat *** it's a good thing"I kept telling him I wanted to "****". We kept going then I blacked out I woke up the next morning and He was sleeping on another bed with his friend. We barley spoke to each other. He tried waking me up saying "wake up punk everyones leaving" then he just gave me a really cold hug good bye not even a kiss or anything he wouldn't even look me in the eye. Now I feel so ashamed and embarrassed I feel like I messed everything up and now he will never want to see me again I would never have done this sober I was just so drunk. I feel so lost and a little taken advantage of but I know it's not his fault it's mine.


What should I do?

[Kitkat22]

Drinking and getting into ahot tub with two nude males when you are nude isn't the brightest move.

You liked it so you have to live with the consequences. Next time don't mix drinking and casual sex.

[Fr_Chuck]

Be glad it was not both guys. And move on with your life

[loneleygirl]

Should I talk to him I feel awkward leaving it like this.

[Jake2008]

Lonely, I appreciate that you are taking your lumps over what happened. There were many times during the evening that you could have stopped, and prevented what happened. That you blacked out, is dangerous, and I can only presumed you must have had a high consumption, over a long evening to get to that point. (have you considered that drugs were added to your drink?- and is it possible that the second friend, was in on it?)

The alcohol was a precursor to every event. Hitting the beach, then doing the skinny dipping thing, then the hot tub, then the bathroom, then the blacking out- each stage, and probably more before during when others were present, more drinking was going on.

Keep in mind that you were fairly coherant, you managed to have conversations with the two in the tub, and were aware of your actions, and that of your sex partner right up until you passed out. You had good recall in the morning of the immediate night before.

That all tells me that you should not drink. Or, you should reduce the risk of ending up in similar circumstances (if you haven't already), by monitoring yourself, restricting your consumption, and stopping when you reach a pre-determined amount. Switch to a soft drink, and cruise after that.

I suspect had you done that, you would not have ended up where you are now- struggling with what you have done, and trying to recover from it.

Make sure you have someone nearby that you trust, to keep tabs on you, and check to make sure you are safe, should you happen to cross that line from being in control, to being out of control.

I'm not going to say much else because I think you will probably punish yourself enough. But, please learn from this experience, and as painful as it is, think seriously about how your choices resulted in where you ended up, and make a plan not to allow it to ever happen again.

You are young, and regardless of alcohol, you're going to do dumb things, no one is exempt from that.

Don't be too hard on yourself; work through it, the anguish will fade. As to seeing him again, I strongly say- don't. He has probably done to other women what he has done to you, and a drunk woman who reaches the point of passing out may very well be his modus operandi. Don't risk it, he is of very poor character to say the least.

[loneleygirl]

Does this mean that he has liked me 2?

[CarrotTalker]

He sounds like a loser. You should keep better control of yourself and not bother with him.

[Kitkat22]

Does this mean that he has liked me 2?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news , but if he liked you he would have treated you differently. Have you heard from him? He treats you coldy you said. Then no I think he took advantage of a situation.

[loneleygirl]

What should I do I probably have to see him again. Should I talk to him about what happened or no?

[Kitkat22]

What should I do I prolly have to see him again. Should I talk to him about what happened or no?

Leave it alone. Unless you feel you were taken advantage of.

[aimee_tt]

I wouldn't be concerned with whether he likes you id be more concerned with getting a test done to make sure he didn't give you any STD/STI. Doesn't sound like a condom was used.

Also Seeing as you blacked out watch your period and take a pregnancy test. As who knows what he did while you were out of it.

Then if I ever saw him again id pretend he didn't exist.

[loneleygirl]

I will probably see this guy again I don't feel right ignoring him. Even though I messed up I think I should take action instead of running away from this.What should I say to confront him?

[J_9]

probably = probably.

The way I see it is

#1 get tested for STDs
#2 When you see him talk to him and apologize for getting so wasted that you were not in control of yourself. Let him know how immature and irresponsible you were. See what his reaction is then.

#3 Stop drinking to the point of blacking out. It's one of the first signs of an alcohol problem.

[Jake2008]

Lonely, he didn't like you, he used you. I suspect he set you up, watched you until you were ripe (drunk), and with his friend, concocted the swimming/hot tub/bathroom/possible date rape drug in the drink/get laid plan. And carried it out.

That much is clear. He used you, and you allowed yourself, by getting drunk, to let him.

The bigger issue here is the alcohol. Have you had problems like this in the past? Binge drinking or waking up in strange places, the odd guy you don't know in your bed? If you are saying that this was the first time you drank so much that you allowed (at least) one guy to use you for sex, I'm beginning to wonder just how much of a problem there could be here.

Had you just had an unusual evening, got carried away and passed out (extreme enough in my book) but for arguments sake, let's say that was a one shot deal.

Had the one who had sex with you reacted differently, it would have maybe resulted in a different outcome.

You said he ignored you, was indifferent, cold, and took off. Not a sign of a man who was concerned about a 'friend' who got herself smashed the night before. No jokes, no concerns, no discussion about any of it. Just up and went he did. Nice guy.

I'm telling you that he knew you were drunk, he was not as drunk as you were, because he had a plan. You were set up. Used. Humiliated in the worst way possible. Call it being taken advantage of if it makes you feel better, but surely you can see that you were used?

What you do is nothing, except maybe consider the advice you've been given in the above posts, and do some serious thinking here.

Please do not further humiliate yourself by contacting him. See him for the type of man he is, and move on.

[loneleygirl]

How would I be humiliating myself by contacting him?

[Kitkat22]

How would I be humiliating myself by contacting him?

It makes you seem like you like him. You surly don't want some more of the hot tub sex and this is exactly how you will come across.

[loneleygirl]

Do you think he thinks I am a whore?

[Kitkat22]

Do you think he thinks I am a whore?

I think he thinks you are a party girl.

[Jake2008]

If he saw you as a whore, he wouldn't have bothered to wait until you were sloshed before making a move on you.

I would think that had you been sober, he would not have tried anything, because, he wouldn't have had the opportunity.

For example. Had you been 100% sober, you most likely wouldn't have gone skinny dipping with two men, or been in a hot tub with them, or participated so willingly in the sex acts you did with one of them, nor would you have, had you been sober, consented to sex in a small bathroom.

May I ask how old you are?

[loneleygirl]

No if I was sober I wouldn't have done any of that stuff. I would have just been me. 16. I have never done this before