[Trying2Cope]

Sorry this long but worth it...
I had a Fiancée we dated for 4 and half years! Engaged for over 2 years!
We never set a date. He bought the house, supposedly for our future. I gave up my place and moved into the house. I was somewhat apprehensive to move in with him with out being married. But thought OK I got the ring and it feels right! We have been living together a little over two years. We had an argument at the end of 2008, we were suppose to going to Vegas for New Years, during the argument, he indicated that he was done, with this relationship. Thus, no Vegas! He went onto say, this last argument lit the fuse on the bomb and it exploded. Like any other relationship we have our problems, but I was under the impression that we were going to work things out. He feels like He does not make me happy, nor is he no longer happy. I had previously, informed him of my wants and needs and felt like the relationship had become stagnant, no growth like we are together because we are just used to each other. He went onto say that he feels like we are not compatible. He wants to start the New Year with a clean slate. I asked him to dig deep into his soul and reflect have WE done everything to work through our issues... we have been doing the same thing... implying "we will work thinks out let me show you" routine, getting the same results, I recommended going to a counselor or even a preacher. He said "no" things are not going to change. It will be the same o same. He appeared cold to me. I was confused how are we supposed to be working things out when words were only stated? I asked him was he having a mid life crisis? He keeps ranting that he will be 40 this year! He said maybe. I asked if there was someone else he said NO. This was about him and his happiness. . In previous arguments he would indicate that he was done, but was always willing to stay together. At one point in time, I was going to leave he begged and pleaded that we would work it out! He then went on to add lets try SEPARATION! We are not even married. I informed him that I would appreciate it if he would stop playing game with me!
Since I have done what I can do, I refuse to be in a place where time has been invested and I am no longer wanted/feeling real disposable. He initially indicated that I could stay at the residence until the end of March 2009. I mainly work from home and have no family in this city we live in. I know some of you may frown upon me choosing to live with a man without being married! That is the choice I made and it has been to say the least a BIG learning experience!

I confirmed that my Ex Fiancée had gone out with JANE and never informed me! My EX became extremely upset and starting calling me profound cuss words! Later he apologized to me! He confessed that he met JANE a divorced mother/ an old friend from high school, with whom he never thought would run into at a work event. They exchanged numbers and have since been in communication. While
I was out of town visiting family he stayed home due to work. Well while I was out of town he went to dinner with JANE. I told him that was emotionally cheating and that was inappropriate behavior when you have a fiancée. He said he did not really see it that way more like friends catching up. I told him by his actions he was already removing himself from me and just pick the argument to officially break up. What a cop out! He said no, JANE just happened to come along and they are just currently friends. He would not take it any further because of ME. What a load of crap! I can't believe this we just broke up at the end of 2008 and he is starting his new year with possibilities with JANE. Mind you I am still currently living in the house. I am trying to get out ASAP, however he is making it dayum near impossible by changing locks on doors! You want me gone, I want to be gone but you are not letting me get my stuff!

As stated before we were talking and trying to cope with living together while no longer being in a relationship. As soon as JANE was confirmed... the situation went from BAD to WORSE... lawyers have been involved... Sheriffs have been involved... he has locked me out of some of the rooms within the house as well as him and his sister threw some of belongings either in the garbage or in the garage. Causing missing and damaged items! This break up has been the most challenging experience in my life. We are no longer speaking... we communicate via lawyers! I was not even married to this man and it is like a ridiculous bad divorce!

How does one cope with this and still try to have some dignity? I am the one miserable trying to move out of the house, while still traveling throughout the city working, without any family members present all the while he is moving on with JANE! I am strong and will get through this, however some days all I see is darkness!
Any suggestions are greatly appreciated!

[talaniman]

Put your stuff in storage, and leave the entire situation.

[Homegirl 50]

Just leave. That is the easiest and most quick way. This man is done and will only treat you worse until you are gone. The ball is in your court. Leave.

[Trying2Cope]

I have been putting my stuff in storage. Again as I previously stated that I just can't pick up and leave. I am in traffic at least 4 hours a day travel then more time speant visiting with clients. I have no family here. I have been staying away from the house and only going when I know my EX will be at work! I have been looking for a place to stay. I mainly furnished the entire house. I have one more trip to the house and I pray to god I will be done! When I am gone from the house I am doing OK for my situation... however when I have to return... I dred even waking up to make the drive to the house! This has been one of the most difficult things that I have experienced thus far!

[Homegirl 50]

I hope you are out of there soon. If things don't work for him and his new chicky, don't let him sweet talk you back in.
I wish you well

[Trying2Cope]

There is no way no how... that My EX could sweet talk me back into anything! It is as if I do not know this person! After much soul searching... My ex is the type of person who tries to be something he is not... he relys on someone else for his happiness instead of dealing with himself and his own issues... he simply could not break up and be alone... he had to find someone else right before we broke up! HE is a lying cheat! If this new chick was not around... he would be begging to be with ME! If I am not worth the fight... then good bye! I no longer wanted to be in a relationship where I have to WONDER... I am willing to fight for love... but It does take TWO! In the end I have the last laugh... for my name is tatooed on his CHEST! I have no tatoos what so ever! People break up every day... I am not understanding... why does one have to become so UGLY about it?

[Homegirl 50]

The guy is a jerk. There are a lot of them out there. It is a good thing you didn't marry the guy or have kids by him.
I hope you are completely out of there soon.
I wish you the best.

[Trying2Cope]

Thank You for your response Homegirl 50... It does give me hope... I am just taking it one day at a time... but I am miserable at the same time that I have to move on with all of these changes... and he gets to continue with a new woman... I am doing my best in the long run to come out of this a much better person... I do howeve wish that my EX gets a good dose of KARMA and one day have to think... about how he treated me in the END!

[Homegirl 50]

Oh, he will. But the best revenge is for you to live well without him. And you will

[Trying2Cope]

I know I will get through this, however it is just going the process... the process is what is getting to me! I have so many emotions going on that sometimes I think that I am going insane! I want to scream yet he will not hear me nor feel all of my emotions because he has another!

[Homegirl 50]

I understand what you are saying and I would imagine it is hard. He has another and he will probably take her through the same thing if not worse.
Someone who would do that would not feel if you were in his face.
Do you have someone you can talk to?
You will get past this. You are stronger than you think and you will be much stronger and wiser having gone through this.

[Some1HelpPlz]

I Hope the Karma card comes into play soon. Meaning, Jane goes back to her husband and Kids and he is alone. But wait, he still has you at home, remove yourself from the equation and he has nothing. Sorry for the spelling errors, but my story is similar.

I live with a woman that has lost interest in me for what ever reason. We are 12 years apart from each other (I'm Older) Yesterday was VDay, I bought her all kinds of stuff, she on the other hand got me 2 cards, one seemed real, the other seemed like she bought it for someone she just met or dated. I appreciated the cards and didn't say a thing until a freund brought it all to my attention. ( The fact that MAYBE she didn't give the other dude HIS card)

Anyway, I confronted her about the weirdness of it all and it turned into a full blown mega argument.

I am usually the one to start an argument and end it with a smile and a kiss.

Last night I started it and she kept on edging me on, trying to make me go overboard. I kind of felt like it was all staged. I hope you spent the last minute thinking of my situation instead of your, hope I helped.

Do not leave that house until you got all your stuff

[xaque]

I so know what you are going through! I was in a similar situation back in the summer. Me and my ex under the same roof... anyways, feel free to read my numerous posts about it. To me it looks like your ex want to have his cake and eat it too. He wants to break up, but, at the same time, doesn't seem to be willing to let go just yet. My ex did the same sort of stuff. We ended up splitting anyway, but we both could have saved ourselves a lot of heart ache if we would have just let go and quit with the games. Also, we might have spoiled our chances at a future reconciliation with all the wicked things we did. You feel me?

[Trying2Cope]

Thanks for all of your comments... My EX and I will not get back together... now as for as him and Jane goes... all I know is that she is a divorced mother with kids! I just sometimes overanalyze everything... I am still dumb founded at times, with the idea of a man who bought me an engagement ring asked me to marry him... is treating me like a jerk! He has obviously moved on with is life... while my life is stagnant... I can not fully move on until all of my stuff is out of the house and I no longer have to go back to the house!

[Trying2Cope]

I am back at the house trying to get the rest of my stuff and it is pouring out! Guess mother nature and I are not aligned! I am hoping too that I am able to get the reminder of my belongings out by the end of this week! Wish me luck!

[Homegirl 50]

You will be in my prayers. I'm cheering for you girl!

[Some1HelpPlz]

Just remember that you did nothing wrong except for trying to fix it all. You tried, he didn't

[Trying2Cope]

Thank You all for your kind words! I am back at the house trying to gather some more of my stuff..,. Thank Goodness my EX did not come HOME... I am getting sick and the weather sucks! I am hower trying to forge ahead!

I do take responsibility for the demise in my relationship regardless of how it ended. Obviously it was broke! I did want to try and repair it! All the while my EX was looking elsewhere! I never CHEATED! At least my EX knows that... now he on the other hand... my EX is already broadcasting his new woman... which means that he started dating her prior to our breakup! I still do not understand how this man can openly date another when I am still living at the house... correction... I have been gone and only come to the house to pack! I have been staying anywhere but here! Cause this whole situation went from BAD to WORSE! All of my friends and family say that I am a strong woman and I will get through this... however sometimes... I feel like I am not going to make it and waking up in the moringing is getting harder... I am a survivor but I am only HUMAN! I never want to allow myself to get into a position like this... at least this is one life lesson I do not want to repeat!

[talaniman]

Be glad you finally know his true character.

[Trying2Cope]

Talaniman I guess that is a way of looking at it! No matter what this whole situation is by far the worst break up experience that I had to go through thus far!