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Is Visiting My Husband's old friend appropriate?

Asked Sep 22, 2010, 08:59 PM — 12 Answers
My husband has a female friend that worked for a company that his company bought supplies from. My husband and his first wife knew her parents and they all went on vacations together. He attented her wedding. Now after 20 years and both of her parents are passed on. She gets his number from an old friend of my husbands that still lives near her and calls him. She invites us to come and visit her and her husband and stay at her house. Is this appropriate? Do I have a right to feel uncomfortable about it? My husband was put out because I said I would feel uncomfortable about staying there.

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12 Answers
answerme_tender's Avatar
answerme_tender Posts: 1,148, Reputation: 3476
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#2

Sep 23, 2010, 09:41 AM
She isn't an old girlfriend. She is married. She has included you in the invite.
Can you elaborate some on why you feel uncomfortable with this, there must be something you are feeling that is making you not want to go.
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Just Dahlia's Avatar
Just Dahlia Posts: 2,151, Reputation: 2236
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#3

Sep 23, 2010, 09:57 AM
Are you feeling uncomfortable staying at their home or just going to see her in the first place.
I also would feel uncomfortable at someone's home that I don't know. You can always stay at a hotel and visit with them.
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Cat1864's Avatar
Cat1864 Posts: 6,395, Reputation: 15960
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#4

Sep 23, 2010, 10:35 AM


If you are uncomfortable staying at her home, a hotel sounds like a wonderful compromise.

Other than the thought of staying in (to you) a stranger's home, I can't think of anything inappropriate unless you left out some details. If he and his first wife were friends with her parents whom she has lost, she may be reconnecting with memories of them as well as an old and valued friend. What is inappropriate about that?
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Kitkat22's Avatar
Kitkat22 Posts: 6,303, Reputation: 6085
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#5

Sep 23, 2010, 10:51 AM
A Hotel. I wouldn't feel uncomfortable at all staying with her and her family.
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88sunflower's Avatar
88sunflower Posts: 1,207, Reputation: 2317
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#6

Sep 23, 2010, 11:05 AM
I agree with the others. She included you in the invite, which also included meeting her husband. There was no secret call for a secret meeting with him to "catch up". So unless there are details you left out its all innocent and good to me.
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VictoriaS's Avatar
VictoriaS Posts: 3, Reputation: 10
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#7

Sep 23, 2010, 05:38 PM
I guess I would feel kind of left out as they would spend the evening talking about the things of the past that I was not a part of. Is that wrong? I guess I am having a "social anxiety moment".
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Cat1864's Avatar
Cat1864 Posts: 6,395, Reputation: 15960
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#8

Sep 23, 2010, 06:07 PM


Quote:
Originally Posted by VictoriaS View Post
I guess I would feel kind of left out as they would spend the evening talking about the things of the past that I was not a part of. Is that wrong? I guess I am having a "social anxiety moment".
That's perfectly understandable. Would it help you to think of the visit like meeting relatives for the first time?

Would your husband understand if you told him that you are concerned about feeling out place? Could he help you feel more at ease by maybe showing pictures of her and her parents and telling you more about them?

I know it won't be easy hearing stories about his first wife, but it could bring you closer together if you share more about his past even if it through stories and memories.
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Fr_Chuck's Avatar
Fr_Chuck Posts: 72,607, Reputation: 37031
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#9

Sep 23, 2010, 07:22 PM


There is nothing wrong with the invite, and many people in various cultures and backgrounds are always inviting people to stay in their homes, In the past, I felt like my home was a HOLIDAY INN we had so many guests coming and going.

Some people don't like to stay with people they don't know well. That is just a personal issue. As for as going to visit old friends, it was just a friend, and this is done all the time, to look up old friends you have not seen for years.
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VictoriaS's Avatar
VictoriaS Posts: 3, Reputation: 10
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#10

Sep 24, 2010, 05:53 AM
Thanks for all your help everyone, I will take your advice and go with no more qualms.
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