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creek5311 · Oct 15, 2009, 08:48 AM

Hello All! I am in a relationship with a girl I truly adore. She is a traditional Catholic and has helped bring me back to my faith. This is a long distance relationship and we met while hiking in the mountains. This has been going on for three months and we see each other a little more than once a month. We text, e-mail, talk on the phone or a combination of all everyday. We have quite a bit in common. She just got out of a five year relationship with a guy of five years. This was her first physical partner and this occurred after two years of knowing him. This relationship ended a little over a half year ago.

The first time that I saw her, the plans came together in about a week and I was arriving on a plane. Before this visit is when she told me how important her family and faith were. I thought this was very cool and respected her for this. I arrive late the first night and we go straight to a bar and have a couple of beers. She then takes me to my hotel and drops me off. Driving to her house she gets pulled over and goes to jail. She did not get a DUI, but Colorado law has stiff penalties for those that have alcohol on there breath. She spends the night in jail and is obviously shaken from her misfortune the next day. That night we go to her parents house and have dinner. She drops me back off and comes up and we do a little kissing and then goes home. The third night we go to a movie and then come back to my room and after a little pushing she finally gives in and we have sex. The next day I go back home. I receive an e-mail stating how she needs to throw everything out and start over. How she was totally mentally exhausted from all that occurred and what we did should be reserved for people who care for one another. I think this is all cool and if this relationship is going to go somewhere then this is the type of girl I want.

We talk on the phone and plan another visit. I tell her that I am starting to like her and she states that she has done nothing to make me like her and thought this was kind of quick. I explained that I do not date a girl unless she is a possible person that I would marry. We went back and forth and explained that I this did not mean marriage but something to think about if we are going to have a long term relationship so not to waste anybodys time. She agreed and I came for another visit. This time we hung out had a good time hiking and hanging out. We did not have a physical relationship. One night we were lying in bed after a little too much wine and discussed where we were in our relationship. She basically told me that she could not tell me she had more feelings than just liking me and if I needed more then maybe we should stop seeing each other.

Went home and we continued our talking and planned a third visit. Arrived and we went to my hotel and hung out and had a couple of glasses of wine and before you know it we were having sex. It was very nice and passionate. We did that for a couple of nights and I thought that we might have turned the page. When I asked her she basically told me the same thing of not being in a position of saying she was falling in love. We continued our physical relationship for four nights until I went home. After returning home I write her an e-mail stating my confusion and she writes back that her life is in a state of flux and not sure what she wants out of life. We talk some more and I throw it out there that we are having a casual sexual relationship then and this is going against all her principles. I know she is thinking about this but she is kind of slow in opening up.

If I like her should I give her time and see if her love will grow? We discussed that we are probably bofriend/girlfriend now. What does a girlfriend mean? I guess you can have a girlfriend and not be in love. Who knows? She may be physically attracted to me and lonely during this point in life and I am helping her through this time. If I am truly her second physical relationship then I am worried about corrupting her into seeing sex as casual. Any ideas?

Imabadman · Oct 15, 2009, 09:43 AM

Hey buddy as a suggestion why don't you ease up on the pressure moves and just let the relationship grow and build. Quit questioning where it's going and how soon it'll get there. Relax, have fun, enjoy yourself.

creek5311 · Oct 15, 2009, 10:10 AM

I agree! I am a little paranoid and sometimes feel insecure when I start putting my feelings into someone. I should enjoy what she is giving me instead of analyzing and holding her to what she originally said.

Imabadman · Oct 15, 2009, 10:32 AM

Exactly. Insecurity will kill the relationship. She'll lose respect for you and then she'll be gone.

Put less into her words and more into her actions.

creek5311 · Oct 15, 2009, 10:36 AM

Thanks!

creek5311 · Nov 18, 2009, 11:16 AM

Hello All! In a long distance relationship and when I hang out with my girlfriend we seem to have a good time. She is not an overly outgoing person and described herself as shy. I basically have to keep the conversation going a lot of the time. She says that I am a serious person and that is OK with her. Truthfully in past relationships I have been kind of a jovial jackass and do much joking around. She kind of makes me nervous and when we talk on the phone her tone does not seem very enthusiastic. Maybe I am expecting too much from her. She is highly intelligent and does not need coddling.

I have hung out with her family and she is pretty much the same way. I asked her if she was happy a couple of times and she said that she in not easily amused. The one thing that gave me a little jealousy is that we met a co-worker of mine out and he is the type of dude that is always smiling and laughing. She went from barely smiling to totally involved in the conversation. She was fit to be tied to keep a smile off her face.

Sometime later I asked her about this situation and she stated she was just going with the social situation and became involved in the conversation. Asked her about the seriousness the times we are together and she claims that this is just part of getting to know each other and our conversations are going to be more serious. Want to be the best I can for her. Does this sound like we have chemistry? Did a lot of reading on the internet about phychological research on women and funny guys. Seems most women are captivated by a funny guy's charm.

BTW, our intimate times together are pretty nice.

justcurious55 · Nov 18, 2009, 11:25 AM

I would think, if you have to ask if you have chemistry with someone, that you must not. You should know if you're really clicking with your significant other or not. I would consider myself a pretty serious person too. But if I'm into a funny guy, I do tend to lighten up. Heck, even if I'm not into a funny guy, it's hard not to smile when they're smiling and laughing. It's almost contagious.

creek5311 · Nov 18, 2009, 01:54 PM

I believe we have chemistry. I guess I want to be her everything and when I see her giving another guy attention that I desire, that causes jealousy and a feeling of being left out. I guess I do not want her to be too into funny guys. Looks like it is time for some counseling!