Sorry it took so long to respond - I'm a senior too, have cancer, feel helpless sometimes,but still won't give up. It was not always this way though... so I know what I'm talking about.
Sorry to read about your problems..
IMO, this might be more psychological than physical. If your mom feels that she is not loved or respected, she might be giving up in a sense where she no longer cares - because she thinks nobody else does. How old is she?
We elderly people, though having lived our lives, raised our children as best as we could, still require the confirmation that we are needed, that we still have something to contribute - after working our butts off. If this confirmation is not given we give up in many ways such as rebelling as children used to do by demanding attention, and yes, purposely neglecting our hygene because we feel we no longer the need to care about ourselves if nobody else does. This may sound strange to you but makes perfect sense to her. We need to feel that we are still of value to our family and surroundings and it is only natural that depression will set in if that does not occur.
She may also feel that she is a burden to you, which might frustrate her and take away her self-respect and dignity. After all, being helpless and not in charge is degrading and does not give hope for a brighter future either. This is also a subconscious invitation to become a 'messy' and could get worse if she does not get help in gaining inner strength and assurance that she is still worth something to someone - could even be a young neighbor wanting to spend time and learn from her past experience - she needs a mission to feel human again. Otherwise she might just feel she's in a waiting room somewhere getting ready to depart and just is not ready yet. How would you feel in her shoes?
Get her into a conversation about her fears and angers and try to help her find a solution such as joining a group of seniors who might get her to feel a part of something worthwhile. If there is a community function that gets young and old together to share and just talk about life, this might also help her get her motivated.
Also, if she takes small steps toward bettering herself, such as combing her hair, wearing something clean, and wanting to wash herself, try your best to compliment her - that your are proud to get your 'old mom' back....
She held you while your were growing and hurting, now it might be your turn to hold and comfort. But as I said before, this will take some communication and sharing of how you both feel about the present situation. Have you tried inviting other older people over once a week so that they can talk and/or complain about the world, current events, weather -what have you... It is important for all seniors to have a place to vent, just as it is for teens, people with broken relationsips, no jobs, etc. There are hundreds of subjects - just don't let her have not even a single one she can share with others - that's like placing her in a closet or shelf - and which human wants that.
I sincerely hope that you find a way to make life easier for the both of you and wish you peace and warmth.
Happy Holidays!
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