Hi everyone, i need some help and advice with my relationship...

I have been seeing my girlfriend for about nearly 9 months now, this is the longest relationship ive had in 7 years (im only 26). I love her to bits, and think she is the one. At present i am under a lot of stress due to work and haven’t been the nicest person to be around as i have a bad temper and can be cheeky and snap sometimes.

I have a few insecurities and its making me worse I think, basically my girlfriend and I were out a few months ago and we bumped into her x in a club and I told her to go over and say hello, (She was seeing him for 4 years and they only broke up, her choice at Christmas, about ¾ weeks later we started going out)when she did I found myself getting really angry and when I seen her all happy and smiley around him I cracked and left and went home, when she came back later on, we had a massive argument and I call her some really bad names which has really hurt our relationship since.

She has issues with sex, so we don’t have it much and this makes me feel that she doesn’t want to. (at the start she told me that her x and her did it all the time) As a man this is really getting to me and fuelling my insecurities.

She is always trying to change me and tell me to calm down, but she usually makes it much worse, if she would just let me vent for a minute and said nothing all would be fine but she just makes it worse by getting at me…

I don’t want it to end but she we both aren’t very happy and im not sure how to sort things out.

Be blunt
Be honest[/b][/b]

mwilliams15

You need to tell her EXACTLY how you feel.. calmly. Girls do not like to be yelled at, at least i know i dont, and if my boyfriend yells at me, i always end up yelling back and it is not pretty lol. but anyways, about the ex, you really brought it upon yourself by telling her to go talk to him. Although, you shouldn't mind if she occasionally exchanges words with him. I mean they dated 4 years and have a lot of history, so its always nice to see how they are, how their parents are, and so on- it does NOT mean she wants to be with him anymore. If your relationship is hurt because of the arguement, you need to bring it up sometime, even if it happened awhile back, and just tell her how sorry you are and that you thought about it and you realize you over-reacted and screwed up. Sometimes something as simple as that can bring some peace back into the relationship. DONT let yourself get mad during that conversation though, even if she starts to get offensive, you got to just let it go.
About the sex, talk to her about it. Maybe there's something that isn't going too good during it. Ask her what you need to do to make it better- if shes enjoying it than shell want to have it more often.
About her trying to "change you", she just wants to make things good and right. Listen to her and take what she says to heart. Don't be a grump to her, you'll ruin the relationship if you act like that, trust me, it ruined my parents relationship. The key to your problem is you learning to calm down and have a real conversation. You don't get anywhere by yelling- it makes it worse. Just always remember when you start getting really upset to stay calm, even if she gets offensive with you, you got to show her that you can handle your emotions. I hope you can fix things with your girl. Good luck and if you need anything else don't hesitate to ask

cherrycherry13

Hey, thanks for the advice...

I must admit i think a lot of it is to do with me not looking after myself, i work a lot then go see my girlfriend, i don't get any down time i run my own business so i never stop thinking...

I think i focus on her too much, as in i read into things too much and let them effect me for no reason. I need to just chill and relax, easier said than done. One of the biggest problems we have is she has a lot of issues with sex i know them all but that doesn't make it any easier, so she never really wants it, and i do have a high sex drive which makes things a lot harder. I deal with it but it makes me feel not loved as she doesn't want to as much as me. To be honest im use to getting what i want in the past, ive had a lot of fun but now everything is different and i sometimes feel theres nothing exciting to look forward to. We cant talk about it she gets to upset so nothing changes.

Another thing is she cheated on her x at the start of their relationship, she told me she didnt love him but he was so good to her and it was so easy, she told me she dindnt love him the way you should or the way she loves me. The problem is i just find it really hard to trust her as she was able to lie to someone for four years.

My heads just pickled...