Ok I am new to this board but I need some advice on a situation.

I started dating a girl around 5 months ago and here recently things have gone to hell. It all started the night before valentines day. She didnt text or call all day which was unusual as wel talk at least 10 times a day. She sends me a text appologizing that she hasnt called. She said she had to think through some things. I was like what.. She said that she feels she doesnt treat me very well and that it upsets her. Well we finally talked that night and she was all upset saying that she always feels guilty and she has never felt like that with anyone before. I was like well maybe you should correct some things that you feel guitly about. She is mean sometimes and I am for the most part understandable and pretty much will do whatever she asks. If she has an issue with something I do correct it. She was mad because I play xbox all the time so I sold the xbox and quit playing all together. Then it was I never clean up after myself so I made it a point to do nice things for her and clean her house or do dishes while she was at school and I was off from work.

Well here is where it gets complicated. My GF is in college for an ROTC contract with the army. She had moved to this area about a year ago. She kept mentioning x's and never really got into detail about it. Well she has a set of dogtags hanging in her car and I asked about them when we first started dating and was told it was a friend of hers who died in Iraq so I was like oh ok.. Well I was housesitting for her while she was out of town. She got a package in the mail from a guy in Korea. The name looked familiar so I was curious and sure enough its the same guy whos dogtags are hanging in her car. I was furious that she lied to me and it made since because she had said her x was in korea with the army. I never said a word that I knew she was receiving packages and had his dog tags still hanging in her car. I didnt want to ruin our relationship.. well forward 3 months

We have an awesome valentines day and she appologizes for the night before and said she has just been confused. I bought her 3 dozen roses and a $300 gift certificate to a local spa.. So I was excited about making her valentines day special. Well the next morning we are getting ready to go to the mall and I am in her bedroom and an IM pops up on the computer so I was like who is that... Well its the same f'ing guy thats in Korea.
He tell her good morning baby and then goes on to say how he misses her and how he is glad she liked the things he got her and then tells her he loves her.. I was so pissed

I immediately confront her and ask her what the hell and advise that I know the dogtags belong to him as well. She said that she is his power of attorney and she pays all of his bills while hes gone and when he gets back she is not having anything to do with him and that he is obsessed with her. I was like why is he still telling you he loves you. And that it appeared like she was talking to him on a regular basis. She said she talks to him once a month but its nothing serious and that she doesnt want to be with him. I blow up and I tell her to "f" off in not a nice way and I slam the door so hard it makes her pictures fall off the wall.. I call her back the next day and now everything is my fault she dont know if she can be with me because of my reaction and she has never seen such hatrid. I was very hurt and mad so I appologized and told her I was sorry for my part. So we start talking but she still remains undecided. 3 days pass and I finally tell her that she needs to make up her mind so she tell me she doesnt want to keep hurting me so she said its over.. I was very upset and said cant we work this out and she suggested a break and I said no and to never talk to me again.

I felt bad about telling her to never talk to me again and I texted her the next day to appologize for that and told her I was just hurt because she brok up with me. She again tells me that my reaction was chidish and she couldnt believe I reacted that way. I explained again that I was hurt and kindof pissed that she broke up with me. We agreed on a break and the last thing I said to her was Ok i will talk to you later and call me sometime if you want to talk.. So my questions are..

1. Did I overreact about the x
2. Was I wrong for telling her to never talk to me again
3. I still havent heard from her and its been 3 days. Was saying" ok i will talk to you later call me sometime if you want to talk" being a smartass?
4. I still love her very much and want her back.. what should I do

I appologize for the long thread but I am bored and felt like typing..

oneguyinohio

Back to the x-box....

I think if I were in your place, I'd buy another game. Unless you were tired of it anyways.

She got you to give up that game, as part of the games she has been playing with you.

Speaking from personal experience, when someone wants you to give up something you enjoy... for their benefit and not because it is detrimental to you... then they are controlling for their own gain. They can make you think that you'd be a good person, or that they'd like you better, if you do it their way, but that doesn't show much consideration for you.

BMI

Oh how I hate to play devil's advocate (alllll week)

First of all, YOU got rid of your x-box after 5 months??? She must be a very special girl, even then I'm not so sure I'd sell mine.

Kidding aside, I do beleive you overreacted to the guy overseas. Your standing with her was shaky at best before you found this out (the whole Valentines day thing). By the way, her excuse that she needed time b/c she was upset she does not treat you well is just that, an excuse. Nevertheless, you totally blew up when you did not have all the information available to justify such a blow up. Granted you probably wern't in your right head at the time but still. Let's face it, she could have given you a very,very plausible explaination as to the messages and in your frame of mind you would have reacted the same.

Also, talking or keeping memento's of an ex is not exactly what our minds tell us it is, it is not Capone's vault filled with every secret/lie girls/guys have hidden from you. (Actually they opened up Capone's vault and found nothing, how apt is that comparison hmmmmmm?) All me

I have realized that most of the time, MOST of the time it is innocent. You keep things of ex's like you keep things you like to remember (ticket stubs, etc) I have a box full of ex's letters hidden away, if any girl found that it would be quite the blow up, innocent as anything, but still. Same applies for communication, we automatically assume they are saying things behind our backs and aan affair is brewing, probably not, especially inthis situation.

To me, the dog tags, the e-mails, yeah its a bit much. However, she is/was with you, not him. Perhaps you could have spoken to her about it instead of reacting in anger. Unfortunetly, I think she is pinning this whole thing onyour reaction while the real reasons need not be mentioned, you gave her that. Now she can always remind you and hold it over you.

I hope things work out, you seem like a very caring and devout person ( i base that on the x-box, you SOLD IT!!!) although if they don't you may just very well learn a great deal about yourself and be more prepared when you meet your next hot girlfriend.

cptcaveman420

Man that last comment has got me thinking that I screwed up and now I feel like relapsing on the whole NC thing. Am I letting someone that I love go by being stubborn? I know that she did some bad things but I still care about her and I know that you cant possibly know the whole situation and the feelings each person has for each other from some text on a computer.. I am so confused now and I dont know what the hell to do. I havent talked to her and she hasnt talked to me for a week. I read everyones feedback and it makes me feel like I was a push over and that this girl is a total disaster but I still feel like she cared.. I dont know what to do.. I want to text her so bad too just say that I am still thinking about her

ISneezeFunny

The thing is, what's done is done. Did you overreact? A...little bit. I agree with BMI that you shoulda spoken to her, but I think in anyone's case, it's normal to get a little angry due to one dubious event after another.

Regardless, what's done is done. Move on. NC it up the wazoo.

the act of you selling the xbox cuz she didn't like it speaks volumes of how deep you were in with her, which also tells me that you have much to learn from this.

Good luck. Keep ya head up.

BMI

Whoa Caveman,

I'm glad to see my post gave you a different perspective on things, although lets not get carried away. DO NOT disregard the part I said about the day/week before Valentines day and that she is using your blow-up as a justification for her real reasons. REMEMBER, she was wondering about your relationship BEFORE you blew up. It sounds as if you think that if you hadn't reacted that way things would be perfect, very, very misleading.

I think she cares for you, of course she does, does that mean things will work out, of course not. You seem to be in an emotional wonderland right now. Calm down, DOn't contact her as of right now. Your not in your right head for that.

talaniman

Please don't do that, as it would only add to a very confused mind.

No your letting them go, because thats what they want.
Thats where your wrong, as we have been in your shoes, some more than others, and recognise your feelings, very well.
We all have been thru that confusion, and keeping No Contact will eventually let the mind be less confused.
She cared but her feelings changed, and she wants to go in a different direction. She isn't a total disaster, and breaking up was not as easy for her, as you think, but she has had time to get over her shock, you have not.
Again, we all have felt that way, in the beginning of a break up. Don't do it. Heal first, however long it takes, and leave her alone until you do. Those confused feelings will pass slowly, with time, and work on your part. READ-"What to expect when you get dumped"