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    bumba's Avatar
    bumba Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Mar 11, 2004, 05:31 PM
    I wish I could just disappear
    Hi all, where should I begin? OK, I've been with this guy 3 yrs now.he cheated on me in the 1st year but I forgave him, we moved on and things were going fine.6 months ago I thought he was cheating on me again so I confronted him, he denied everything,was upset that I thought that and although I believed he was telling the truth those feelings of insecurity and lack of trust are haunting me because he had done it before.thats not even the worst of it, he was arrested in dec for something I knew about,good chance he's going to prison,his parents want him out of their house so he's now under pressure to find a place-he can't get a job because his court hearing is in 4weeks so I don't know what they expect him to do.im only months away from graduating and getting my degree I've been working so hard as I missed a lot of uni because my mum died. I'm so stressed from all the studying. All these things have caused us to argue non stop for 6 months now.I asked him if it was worth us staying together and after careful consideration he said yes, he even asked me to marry him. Now we've stopped arguing and its more like we're both so miserable all the time and have nothing positive to say so slowly we see less and less of each other. I love him and though he says he loves me too in my head I question it, I really wonder if he is still in love with me. To make things even worse it seems like he's gone into depression-he's made himself bulimic and I had to call an ambulance recently as he slit his wrists to try and kill himself.he feels like he has nothing to live for or look forward to. I try so hard to keep him in good spirits but its not working.I worry about him but nobody worries about me, I want him to be there for me too as I'm going through a rough time but he can't see how this affects me. I ask him if I should stay or go and all he says is do what makes me feel happiest. I know what I want - to be with him and for us to be happy together like I thought we were until all this started but of course it can't just go back to that overnight.im trying and trying and I feel its just me putting in the effort and the more I try and talk to him about it I know it doesn't help the situation. I think he's just waiting for the court hearing to see what happens. I can't bear all this stress, I can't even sleep properly. I have a younger sister to look after too.I'm doing so much for everyone else and it upsets me that nobody does anything nice for me.im being as strong as I can and doing my best at home,uni and my relationship etc.
    And just at this time when I really thought I could rely on my friends, I find out they've been talking about me behind my back-laughing at me and all sorts which is just fantastic! Man, life really sucks at the moment.
    green_bean's Avatar
    green_bean Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #2

    Mar 21, 2004, 11:43 AM
    Re: I wish I could just disappear
    Hi bumba,

    I know how you feel. I'm going through similar things as I speak. I've been with someone for almost 3 years, and we're going through the relationship obstacles. I also feel that I've been worrying about everyone else, but don't get the same back. Just recently, he said he needed time for himself and wanted to be with someone that he has more in common with. He says that we are too different and don't have enough in common. He wants to be with someone that he can share his activities with. So, the ball is in his court and at times like these, we just need to take care of ourselves.

    Good luck!
    InquisitiveMind's Avatar
    InquisitiveMind Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Feb 19, 2005, 09:51 AM
    Hello,
    You seem to be a very nice girl, matured and dedicated for your life. Listen, you must not compromise to be with someone, just for the sake of being with someone. There is the whole world out there. There are guys, who would not even in dreams, would ever cheat on their girlfriends.

    Make you life big, become something, you have responsibility for your family, like a mom, now. Please do not punish yourself for someone else's mistake. If the guy, you are with, has these problems. He knows, that he can be forgiven by you, and that increases his probability to cheat again.

    You, being so nice - can be taken advantage of.

    In your next relationship, make sure you clear this, cheating means breakup, and there is absolutely no excuse. Stay away from trouble, this guy could keep you stressed and one day, you will be 40 and have achieved nothing.

    Keep focused, do well in school, life, and keep yourself motivated. Friends, well, you don't have any, that is okay, you will find some. IF not, make books your friends, your sister, your dad.

    Read this book if you get a chance "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie. It would cost you only 11 bucks CND. If you are in states, a little less. Chapters or Barnes or Nobles would have it.

    Try keep smiling, there is no point in taking more stress; please, and stay away from people who gives you stress. It is not worth it. Good people deserves to be with good people, only and no other compromises.

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