I work with a female I dated about 6 months ago ,we began sharing the same break table when we started dating .When the realtionship ended (by my hand) she continued to come back and sit with me .I decided to try again with her because the first time I ended it I was afraid of getting to close which we were .I felt like that she really cared for me because she didnt go sit anywhere else .This break table is isolated and away from everyone else so we are alone .About three months ago I expressed my desire to start over agian ,she said she didn't trust me and that we needed to start by being friends again .I have only been to her house once since that time .The other day our realtionship came up and she said she had no feelings for me because I destroyed them but was halfway smiling when she said that ,I was hurt .I have been super nice trying to win her back .I then ask her why do you sit with me everyday if you have no feelings for me she bumbled through words and couldnt give me an answer ..My question is did she really mean it ?Women say one thing and mean another ...please help

valinors_sorrow

Maybe she thinks of it as her seat and is expecting you to sit elsewhere, as strange as that sounds. She has lost so much already, maybe one more thing is one too many, even if its just a silly seat?

jrock39

Its at my work station out away from the break area ,she comes to me .When I am not at work she sits in her vehicle does not sit there ..even more confusing eh...

valinors_sorrow

That is strange. Then I'd be willing to guess that its something about your presence but it doesn't translate well beyond that, whatever it is or does for her. She probably doesn't fully understand it herself.

talaniman

Find somewhere else to be before she shows up for a while.

jrock39

Hello all ,an update ..I did not sit with her at first break and she was visibly upset ,we did sit together at lunch .I ask her why did she no longer had feelings for me to which she replied "I lost them with the trust I had for you " .I told her why I got cold feet ,I said I was falling for you and was very afraid you would go back to your ex and I just shut down which is true .She said why didnt you talk to me about it instead of shut down ,she said you did ask me and I told you I would never go back .I said I was still scared of all these feelings ..I then said there are so many things I wish I would have told and I broke down something I do not do and I couldnt talk anymore ..She got up and left the table but was tearing up as well ...so that's where we are....

Forever21

I will just leave it alone, it seems as if she enjoys your company and likes you allot as a person but not as her man. I will give her space and talk about you and her anymore I will be straight foward and just tell her "I have told you how I felt and how I regret what I did I honestly am sorry for hurting you those were not my intentions at all but I respect your decision and love having you around so if friends is what you want to be I respect that" and leave it at that and no longer speak about you and her unless she brings up and then don't seem so vulnerable. Good luck and I really do wish you move on all you are doing is stressing and hurting over something that can no longer be changed. I understand where you are coming from but it seems as if you really hurt her maybe she has trust issues look at her past relationships did you do anything similar.

valinors_sorrow

What I see here-- two people who are afraid of being vulnerable with each other doing the "oh no not me!" defensive dance instead. Now you see where that gets you -- nowhere. If you can't tell her your truth, then you aren't ready for a relationship at all. Same for her. Its just that simple. It is the only way out of the mess you made. Quit pushing each other's mistrust buttons and get talking, real talk about real thoughts and feelings. Or forget it. Sometimes people create such an enormous fear OF rejection that they CREATE rejection out of thin air. Isn't that a foolish thing to do when rejection really is such a survivable event? If you are not up for the risk of the busride, then don't get on the dang bus!!! LOL

jrock39

The latest ,I think the man above is at work here .It was announced at work Friday the break schedules would change ,This was my chance to see where she stood on breaks .I ask her did she want me to take the same break schedule as her to which she replied "sometimes I think it would be better if we did" she said "there is so much tension between us I feel like we can't just be friends" I said ok its your decision she said " I dunno ".At our second break I told her I would do anything that would make her happy even if it meant sitting apart at breaks and she said "well sometimes it all good and other times you seem to not be able to get past it" I said I am past it it's just that I have bad days and good days and she said "so do I and its hard some days being around you".I am unsure what to do here I think she wants to continue being friends but I am going to leave it up to her ,I am going to tell her that I will take the same break schedule as her and its at her option if she wants to sit with me or not ..What do you guys think ?

valinors_sorrow

I think you aren't reading all the posts here.

Look, you are so bogged down in all the insignificant details of your reality that you miss what general principles are operating here. So let me explain as simply possible: Micro-management of anything usually kills it, especially relationships. You have lots of good information from many people here. Please reread this entire thread and ask questions specific to anyone's post you don't understand.

talaniman

Workplace relationships bring there own brand of problems. I really don't see this as a very healthy relationship because you both are confused and have no real bond, add in you blew your big chance, she will never be completely comfortable again. It seems this is more a relationship of oppurtunity, than sharing and caring.