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Home > Family & People > Relationships   »   will he marry

 
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Old Jan 21, 2006, 06:11 AM
wannabemarried
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will he marry

He said "I want to spend the rest of my life with you and give you all the things you deserve.". Refers to you sometimes as his wife and himself sometimes as your husband. When not at work the time is spent together. Live together,spend time with both families and acts as if married. Closed about talking on relationship. Says that if you have already confessed love and commitment there is no need to discuss it. Has not proposed. What can I do?

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Old Jan 21, 2006, 06:20 AM   #2  
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talk to him

In a relationship where two parties are getting seroius and talking or thinking about life together, both parties should be free to discuss thier relationship, and should have serious talks about it.

Sit down and discuss your life together.

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nwsflash agrees: agree
wannabemarried agrees: from his family and himself i'm the only woman he's taken to meet them. he has opened up to me more than to anyone; it's the way he's been all his life-closed
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Old Jan 21, 2006, 06:50 AM   #3  
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Hi and welcome to the forum.

I agree with Fr Chunk that you both need to have a good talk together and see where the two of you are going.

From your post it sounds like you are both really in love and have alot going for you both !! Do we need to have a piece of paper to confirm what we already know in our hearts ??

How long have you both been together and how long have you been living together ??

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wannabemarried agrees: we have been together 4 1/2 yrs. living together for 4 yrs. basically we do great together.
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Old Jan 21, 2006, 07:21 AM   #4  
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Will he marry?

Why would he mess up a good thing,for a piece of paper?

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wannabemarried agrees: I guess the peice of paper just shows a real commitment; when the commitment is in his heart
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Old Jan 21, 2006, 07:46 AM   #5  
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hi wannabemarried,
i do see a problem here. you say that he says:"if you have already confessed love and commitment there is no need to discuss it". im not sure whether this refers to marriage itself or even the expression of love. either way, here you are on a forum looking for answers, rather than seeking them of the man you hope understands you better than anyone.
communication obviously needs to be worked on here. what do both of you want? marriage appears to be important to you. are you willing to continue this relationship if it is not an option? (ie if he does not and never wants to marry anyone) and does that mean you are then compromising your ideals? only you can answer these questions. but before you broach the topic again, be sure you know these answers yourself. i do feel you need to discuss this with your mate in depth. if he is not willing to discuss the relationsip, how well are you "relating"? is that enough for you? are you the type of person who needs to discuss the varying stages in relationships or can you just go with the flow without conversation? neither is right or wrong, everyone is different - but you must be sure what type of personality complements your needs before you jump into marriage.
if you aren't getting what you want from a CONVERSATION about marriage, then do you think the marriage itself will hold up? just keep your needs in mind, and hopefully your beloved will understand how important this is to you. Good luck!

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wannabemarried disagrees: we discuss most things but to him once you make a commitment of love and forever you don't need to keep discussing. He's been closed all his life. His family has told me they never seen him open up like he does to me
orange agrees: I disagree that this was a bad post!! This is a great post actually... welcome to the forum, giggles!
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Old Jan 21, 2006, 10:59 AM   #6  
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Marriage definition is different for different people. Some believe that the commitement is good enough and do not need the peace of paper and others believe it is very important. For him not to want to talk about it causes problems right away. Relationships should be open communication about anything. When communications start to close it could cause problems. Marriage is a commitement to each other and God that you will be life long parntners. I myself personally, want the church involved and signing and witnesses and family.

Joe

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wannabemarried disagrees: how can communications close when he's never been open? Yes, I would like marriage before God and family and pray for it. We share too much to just walk away.
nymphetamine agrees: I 100 percent agree
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Old Jan 21, 2006, 02:31 PM   #7  
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Why change things?

He’s living with you...he thinks that is commitment. Why is a piece of paper necessary?

What concerns me though is the fact he is not even willing to discuss it.

Without good communication, relationships are headed from trouble, whether you are married or not.

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wannabemarried agrees: thank you for your input! any advice on someone who is closed and yes soomewhat shy and conservative? I have actually gotten him to be more open than anyone ever has; maybe he needs more time.
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Old Jan 21, 2006, 02:54 PM   #8  
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If you dont mind me asking, how old are you, and how long have you two been together? This might help us better answer your question.

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nwsflash agrees: we have been together 4 1/2 yrs. living together for 4 yrs. basically we do great together.
wannabemarried agrees: Been together 4 1/2 yrs. living together 4 yrs. thanks for responding
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Old Jan 21, 2006, 05:21 PM   #9  
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I do not understand why you are so negative wannabemarried. I was just stating what I believe is important in a relationship. I was making comments. So you do not agree that to have a good relationship the communication needs to be open?

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CaptainForest agrees: I agree
talaniman agrees: but I think you hit a nerve,JH
fredg agrees: Very Good; any good relationship is an open one, honestly talking about anything.
orange agrees: Being open is extremely important... it's part of being honest!
wannabemarried agrees: communication should be open
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Old Jan 21, 2006, 05:29 PM   #10  
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I agree Jesushelper76. You are trying to assist wannabemarried with a problem, she shouldn't come at you negatively like that.

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Jesushelper76 agrees: I just do not understand why people jump to conclusions or puts words in other peoples mouths?
wannabemarried agrees: agree. communication is important
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