 | | | Will I ever get over my ex boyfriend?
Asked Jun 17, 2012, 07:39 AM
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14 Answers Me and my ex were together for 3 years and through that period he had repeatedly spoke to other girls behind my back. He got them to send him nude photographs, and spoke dirty to them. I have had friends tell me they had seen him with other girls in clubs and kissing them. All of this had shattered my trust in him, I would go to leave him but I wasn't strong enough so I stayed in the relationship.
Anyway, recently I decided to end it with him because whats a relationship without trust? I moved 300 miles away from Essex to help me get over him. However I always think of him. At night I would lay and cry and think about everything we had been through together. We were talking about getting engaged and starting a family. We had been trying for a baby since Jan, this year.
A few days ago I spoke to a girl that he is now 'seeing'. It breaks my heart because she has a child and he will be bringing it up with her. I cant help but think I made the wrong decision by ending our relationship. I seriously need some advise because although I get it from my sister (the closest person to me) I need someone that I dont know to help me!! Thread Summary |
14 Answers
 | Dating & Teen Expert | |
Jun 18, 2012, 12:08 PM
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Oops! You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to mmresd again.
I agree with mmresd. What is there to think leaving him was a mistake. The guy is a lying cheating jerk. Get over it and be glad you are not having to deal with him anymore. | | |  | Junior Member | |
Jun 18, 2012, 10:27 PM
| | | you know you are over him when you can think about him and feel nothing at all. all feelings (including bad ones) are a sure sing that you are not over him. once you are apathetic towards him, you know you will be ready to take the stuff from the suitcase. as for getting him out of your head, that will be harder. you need to make new friends, this will be a bit tricky, but i suggest getting involved in activities like the gym, rock climbing, football (or soccer dipending on where your from), ect... the point is it has to be a physical activitie. this will serve multiple bonuses, being active makes you feel better, the exercise will keep you in shape, and you will find new people to associate with who have no conection to you past. next spend time on yourself, take the effort to look good! get a makeover, new hair, makeup, outfits, ect... this is important, looking good will subconsciously improve your self worth. this is the time to rebuild the relationship with yourself, and learn to love yourself again. finely every time you think about you ex, drive that thought from you mind, focus on something else instead. this will be impossible at first but keep at it and soon you will be able to do it. sorry for the long post, i hope it helps you. | | |  | New Member | |
Jun 21, 2012, 05:34 PM
| | | by the sounds of things he had control over you, no matter what he did you weren't strong enough to leave, thats an obsession sort of how i feel about my ex, he treated me crap and i went back and back time and time again, i miss him everyday but love is so so blindd, i don't have a solution to your problem. what i will say is good luck to this girl that hes seeing if she has a child i bet she won't be able to go out and be with him on his night outs when he's out kissing other girls etc.
my ex and his girlfriend have recently just moved in together and it kills me hence the reason i'm on here, i like to read some of these posts because it reassures me i'm not the only one hurting. we will get there and find the one xx | | |  | New Member | |
Jul 14, 2012, 03:32 AM
| | | I think that what joypuli means is that you are keeping alive memories of this person that are not real. They come from what you had known when you first got to know each other. That person wasn't the real version of the guy you were with because if it was he would not have been unfaithful to you or have treated you the way he did. So the guy you remember as your ex is not who your ex really is.
It is always hard to get over someone you have loved, especially when you have been intimate and planned a future together. The truth is though that if he had been right for you it would have worked out; you wouldn't have felt the need to leave and he wouldn't have been unfaithful. Clearly, if you felt the only thing you could do was leave as your relationship had no trust then you know deep inside that the relationship was not right for you, and that he was not right for you.
You will get over your ex, just give it time. Stop seeing him as the person you thought he was, and face up to who he really is. Also, ask yourself if this guy is really worth it. You were together for three years, he cheated on you and now he has gotten into a ready made family whilst you still miss him and feel awful about the split; do his actions show respect for you? If he finds it that easy to replace someone he has loved is that the sort of person you want?
It also sounds to me like you are feeling some "dumper's remorse". You left him so you feel that you should have control over what happens next. You will most likely feel guilty about leaving him, you will wonder if you weren't making a huge fuss over nothing after all, and if it would have been better to forgive his transgressions. Basically, you will most likely feel that you have made a really big mistake. Remember though that this isn't you speaking! This is the voice of your emotions, your insecurities, your worries, and listening to their advice causes nothing but trouble. If you honestly felt that breaking the relationship was the best thing to do, which you must given you moved 300 miles away from him, then anything else that pops up afterwards is immaterial. Trust yourself that you have made the right decision!
The best thing to remember is that heartbreak really sucks but is an excellent learning curve. It is okay to make to mistakes about the people we date, befriend or even live with; we are, after all, only human! You may feel hurt now, but in a few years you will look back and be grateful for what has happened.
Keep looking at the positives in life, learn from everything you do and accept that it is okay if things don't go how you expected them to. Life is unpredictable so why should relationships be any different? This is not negative though, it is positive and exhilarating; it gives you a chance to live your life your way, not how you feel it should be lived.
I am going through a similar thing to you at the moment and I can honestly tell you that nine months since my split from the partner I was living with, I can honestly say that I now know it was for the best that we are no longer together. I am happily single and enjoying my life. I sometimes feel rubbish about what happened and as it was someone I loved those feelings will never fully go away, but what matters most is how I react to them. Don't let your feelings rule your head because your head is usually right.
Wishing you all the very best for moving on and loving life. xxxx | | |  | New Member | |
Aug 22, 2012, 01:29 PM
| | | I think what it means is that you are in love with the man you think he can be, not the man he is. I am going through the same thing right now. My guy is great. For seven years all I focussed on was the good things and I practically made him a saint. He's not. When we finally split, because he couldn't commit, after 7 years of promises, he still couldn't commit; I was given the advise to really think about his behavior towards me, was he really that great? No...When he stresses about money, he talks to me like a jerk, he takes his anger for other people out on me. He blames me for someone attacking me (the way I act must have made the guy think I was interested, or maybe I was interested and then I felt guilty.) are you kinding?! I almost get raped and he blames me. But I let it go, because it upset him. I went into a depression after the attack and then he was mad at me for not being the same fun loving person. After that every time I would want to go out, he wasn't interested and he would give me a hard time about going without him, no matter what it was. He was afraid I would put myself in a situation that I couldn't get myself out of. Just excuses to control me and change me and then complain about me changing.
Your story is obviously different. It sounds like your ex was more obvious, not sneaky controlling like my was. Your guy was out and out cheating on you. Rememberthat. How could he really be the perfect guy if he is running with other girls? He had you sitting home trying to get pregnant, and where was he? Maybe setting up his next girl. | | | |