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This is not a legal question, but a question of how to be tactful in my marriage. I love my wife very much. Unfortunately I share just about everything with her, and my father's Will is no exception. She comes from a family who discuss money and make provisions more openly than mine. My father, always frugal about money, set up a trust for me in his Will. I am 42 years old, a homeowner and a responsible husband and father. My dad is now in a nursing home and, although a little confused, was deemed mentally competant enough to okay a revised Will, and with an Elderlaw specialist, I had his Will re-written in parts to include my daughter as beneficiary and remove the Trusteeship for money I am to inherit.
My wife saw the will re-write and got upset that she was not named trustee for our daughter should I kick the bucket. She doesn't like the man my father named, and feels entitled to serve in this role. I told her that my dad made the decision a while ago, and I didn't think he would agree to change it. The truth is my father (and I find this painful and misinformed on his part) doesn't trust my wife with money, possibly thinks she will spend frivolously, and perhaps doesn't have faith my marriage will even last as his own marriage ended in ugly divorce. I try to placate my wife with, " perhaps" and " possibly" and "yes you should's" but I feel wierd and awkward about this. My wife even insisted that she be the person named to inherit if I and my daughter pass away,even though she would be miserable and probably not wish to live, because the person/s named are distant relations who haven't contacted us in some time.
It seems ballsy of her to insinuate herself into this very private document, and I only want the whole thing over and done with already. How can I make it clear that I don't think these changes are founded in reality without sounding like an insensitive husband with some kind of grudge. My wife loves my father and has tried to help him and has been very kind to him.
Any thoughts or words of wisdom from anyone?
I don't really know much about these matters but I do feel that your wife is out of line. When it comes right down to it this is a very private document of your father's and nothing to do with her at all. I believe you need to be very firm and state that it has all been taken care of and that you do not wish to discuss it anymore and would appreciate it if she dropped the subject. Then you all want stop haggling over your father's money and start thinking about making your fathers last days the happiest he's known. Even if he is a little out of it, you can still make him FEEL good.
I would tell her that this is my fathers wish. He had this set up the way he felt was best. Tell her that you are not going to upset him in his last days on earth, but instead that you are going to respect his wishes. Then I would not discuss it again.
I too agree that you can tell her that it IS your father's wish. You don't want to upset him further about the matter at his age. It is his money, and he can do with it as he pleases. She should be glad that he chose to give generously to your family. It might help her to understand his point of view about the marriage situation and that he is only basing it on his personal experience of his own divorce. You can tell her he is at piece with his decision.
I am curious as to your reasons for wanting to make the changes in the first place. Are there any problems in the marriage that prompted the decision?
I am a huige Dr. Seuss Fan, and the Lorax is a personal favorite. He speaks for the trees!
Truffula seeds are available upon request.
Thanks again for your insight
J
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