So I noticed that the guys that I've dated have been cheated on at least one time or another in past relationships. (Luckily, or at least as far as I know, I have never been cheated on!). I guess cheating is commonplace among ppl my age, although certainly not an exception, since lots of college students are not looking for relationships, just a bit of fun. But, I noticed the discrepancy between how people take the experience of being cheated on, for better or worse, in future relationships. For instance, one of my exes was cheated on, but wholeheartedly trusted me. I could have permitted male friends sleep over and he would have been 100% okay with it because he trusted me.

My last ex, however, who has been cheated on with every single girlfriend he has had, told me from the getgo that he would never expect or hold me to the standard of staying not cheating, although he would never cheat. I felt distraught and told him this attitude would get us nowhere. I desperately wanted to prove him wrong, but was unable to shake off the feeling that he did not want this relationship if he did not trust me. I ended up making out with someone while we were apart this summer. It was meaningless as I didn't even know it had happened--someone informed me it happened and that's how I knew about it. Otherwise, I wouldn't have known, not that this fact excuses my behavior. His reaction, when I told him, was cold indifference. I ended the relationship for the sake of both of us.

So how can I and others help potential partners, who have been cheated on, overcome their trust issues? How can you help them to trust again? Or I guess the better question is, what can they do to help themselves?

N0help4u

You ended up making out with someone but didn't even know it happened so it was meaningless?
Not following some of what you are saying but it is never good to cheat, guy or girl.

Many guys do never get over the fact that girls cheat. Many guys accuse their gf of cheating when they never do just because their mother was a cheater, or their first gf or every girl they knew and they can not help holding it against their current gf. Girls often have insecurities too and they end up nagging just because they play what if's out over and over in their mind to the point they don't trust their bf.

jiltedgirl

Oh I agree about the cheating bit. I never had before, so I felt horribly when I found out that I did, especially since I had spent the majority of the night thinking about and missing him (I was at a friend's party and unfortunately, drank in excess instead of pointing out our relationship problems/my issues to him--something I swear never to do in the future again).

I've definitely let my insecurities keep me from trusting a bf in the past. I hope to never do it again. The ex is a good guy when it comes down to it and I really hope he finds someone he can trust. We ended things amicably and maturely, which was a big step for me.

I really do hope he'll give a girl a chance one day instead of thinking the worst! I know from experience; I have a habit of thinking every relationship is doomed, and it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Oh well. :T