Why is no contact and acting like you're 'over it' best

WorclliW10 · #1 Apr 17, 2008, 07:37 AM

I am in the early stages of trying to move on from my girlfriend having broken up with me (you may have read my other note), and I am finding all the stuff on this site really useful.

But I am still struggling to convince myself that maintaining no contact, and being seen to be over it and having lots of fun if I do bump into my ex or if she does contact me, is the best thing to do.

I know this is probably because i haven't yet got to the stage where I can admit that it is most likely over forever with the girl I love. But I also want to remain good friends with her, and I know for sure she will want that to.

Do you think that the best way of ending up friends, and there maybe being chance in the future if it is 'meant to be', is by keeping no contact until she eventually contacts me, and by not letting her know how heart broken I am and not trying to convince her that I can be different and we can have the relationship she wants?

lmnotok · Apr 17, 2008, 07:55 AM

well, if you guys want to maintain friendship. Then, yes the 1st step is to keep NC, and let yourself healing from broken hearted. And take your time, do your things, relax, enjoy your own life without the guts of knowing what she does or whatever. After a while, i believe that you'll feel good about yourself without her. Then, you contact her or she contacts you, doesnt really matter. Because it doesnt bother you anymore. But remember, ONLY contact her or reply her contact when this whole breakup thing doesnt hurt you anymore.

Now just relax and focus on yourself

Romefalls19 · Apr 17, 2008, 07:59 AM

First off, you obviously haven't learned what No Contact really is about. No Contact is not to make your ex come back to you. It is for YOU to heal, live your life without that person. There is nothing about No Contact that says "do this and she will come back to you" but you're going to do it for that reason first anyways, 99% of the people do.

Second, you really think you could be friends with this girl? So that means you're okay with her coming to you, since you're that friend, and her talking about that hot guy she hooked up with over the weekend? If you are, congrats man, because I don't think any of the long term "victims"(me, westy, ISneeze) would like to be friends with our ex's and hear them talk about hooking up with another guy(and we are so much farther in the recovery process)

So NC is for YOU! not for her, not for her to miss you or come back to you. For you to get your set back, have some type of pride/dignity and start acting like an actual guy(sorry if this sounds harsh) but someone needs to hit you with reality and I just happen to be in a mood to do it.

And I'm sure Tal with chime in and fill in any blanks left by me ha ha

WorclliW10 · Apr 17, 2008, 08:11 AM

Fair play! Time to start realising it's over and think only about myself!

Stunning07 · Apr 17, 2008, 12:45 PM

Friends Dont Work!

bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE · Apr 17, 2008, 12:56 PM

NC and acting like 'it's over' is best becuase you'd be a mess otherwise.

losingit77 · Apr 17, 2008, 01:11 PM

NC works cause (1) it will keep you sane. It may not feel that way, but it will definitely keep you more sane and let you get your head back on straight quicker and easier than if you continue to have confusing depressing contact with your ex, (2) you can't "get" an ex back. If they're going to come back, they have to do it on their own. You don't want them coming back out of pity or out of manipulation. Ironically "letting them go" is the best thing for the situation. One of 2 things will happen from you really letting go, (1) you'll get over it and move or (2) Ex will come back and beg for forgiveness and you won't be a crying mess anymore. But your focus should be on yourself which is #1.

You can't be friends with an ex...atleast not now. You still have too many emotions involved and you'll only drag out your heartache. Give it some time. I told my ex to give me atleast 6 months and maybe then I'll be ready to start talking to him again. Its no longer about what they need, its about what you need!

Jiser · Apr 17, 2008, 05:17 PM

When someone breaks up with you, you want to be their friend. In reality all you want is them, your kidding yourself.

Fact is NC = your not having the confusion and hurt of them in your life. If you don't NC every day is a loosing battle which is a spiral of destruction. Not good! Also after alot of time has passed you probably won't ever want to speak to your ex again.

Stunning07 · Apr 18, 2008, 10:02 AM

ya its like gold has a tarnesh to it



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