I have a question. Is it normal for guys to try to test women in relationships? I seem to have an issue, that eventually leads to a breakup because the guy always wants to see what I'm like when I'm angry. Is it wrong to want a peaceful relationship 90% of the time?

I know I can be kind of hotheaded and mean....if I let myself go there. I just tell guys that I dont like to be mad. I try to explain this to the guys I deal with and they keep pushing because I seem so "calm", and then I blow up, insult them, curse them out and break up with them. I just don't have patience for immature behavior, or someone purposely trying to push my buttons just to see what I will do.
Sometimes I want to call back but I never do because there's seems to be this whole
" revenge" thing; usually because I have said some really mean things to them.

Is this normal?, should I learn to " pass this test"? If so, how.

GlindaofOz

No. doing that is extremely immature and cruel. No one should "test" you in a relationship. There is no reason for someone to provoke you to explode to see how you react. A relationship is not a science experiment.

Also no you are not wrong to want a peaceful relationship thats what most people want.

jjjbbb222333

i dont no

NeedKarma

Yet there are relationship 'experts' on this board that advocate that women do this all the time and it is normal.

s_cianci

Are you sure that the guys' "immature behavior" or "pushing your buttons" is the real problem? You seem to have a short fuse and that's a turnoff for any respectable guy. It sounds like you need to work on controlling your temper ; maybe consider some anger management classes.

angie_needs_help_101

yeah guys will always test a girl well they way to help u is that tell the guy straight up that u dont like immarute behavior and that it is not ur way to go. cuz if he is true he will understand that. control ur anger and just be ur self guys will like u for who u r!!!!!!!!

Kia

i feel u. Maybe I should try saying that. I guess I just assume that once you hit 25ish, you kindve cut most immature behavior.

To SCianci: The thing is that I can have a dissagreement without blowing up; but thats part of the issue. Guys see that I handle most issues in a calm way, or don't raise my voice and act stupid; but thats not enough. Ive been told that I'm to clam, or like nothing bothers me. This is not true. My life can get very, very stressful; but I look at a relationship as a place where I should be able to find peace from the stressful world. I'm not saying everything is perfect. I know there will be reasonable things to argue about as time goes on. But, stuff like not picking up the phone to talk because you know I'm upset, or changing plans at the last minute when you have known about an event for a long time, or knowing I'm upset about something you did, but dwelling on the fact that I'm so calm about it.
It makes me feel like I'm being challenged or something, or mocked for my calmness in some way. Thats when get more angry.

nicespringgirl

Test?
Hm...I think you can always do a survey on him.

shygrneyzs

I would ask you if you are setting yourself up, for failure or disappointment, at all in these relationships? Sometimes we pick people, rather unconsciously, that will throw everything at us and then step back to wait for our meltdown.

Are you respecting yourself? I can understand you having no patience with immature behavior - who should put up with that in anyone? If someone is an adult, then they should act responsibly. Trying to push someone's buttons just because they can, is really a poor substitute for decency. But ask yourself if you are somehow attracted to guys who end up doing this to you.

Have you done much reading into what people do to themselves as far as defeating themselves, being emotionally mismatched with another, etc.?
Some sites, to give you an idea:
Being an Emotional Victim
Inner Bonding: Relationship Advice, Relationship Help, Spiritual Growth, Parenting Advice
DIFFICULT RELATIONSHIPS by Rod E. Smith MSMFT
Coloring Therapy - Elements of Personal and Collective Self-Sabotage

I can be on the wrong track here and if I am, my apologies. But I sense since this is a recurring problem in your relationships, you have some deeper things to work through in your life. Not all men are like the ones you described. Yes, many are, but not all of them. Good luck to you.

Kia

thats interesting...