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    jerzeykat's Avatar
    jerzeykat Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Mar 13, 2007, 04:29 AM
    Why doesn't my girlfriend want me to stay at her place?
    I have been with this girl for 3 years off anf on and I have always been allowed to sleep at my girlfriends house. Last year I moved away and since then we have been in a stressful long distance relationship in which we both have cheated at least once. Recently things have changed and now we are exclusive and I went to visit her a few weeks ago. While I was there she was reluctant to have me stay at her house because she didn't want the guy she was seeing for a period to see me there because she didn't want to hurt his feelings. Regardless, I spent days there. Im going back to visit her again at the end of this month for spring break and originally I was supposed to stay with her and last night she tells me that she doesn't want me to stay there with her because things are to "hectic". She seems distant on the phone a lot and tells me she's unhappy. She won't talk about it and she says we will figure it out when I get their. When I ask her what the deal is she doesn't answer and If I keep asking she hangs up. None the less she continually reassures me that she loves me and that she wants to be with me be. What the hell is going on?
    manimuth's Avatar
    manimuth Posts: 261, Reputation: 60
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    #2

    Mar 13, 2007, 08:28 AM
    I think you've picked up more red flags than you can carry. Now, just pay attention to them.
    She said that you will figure it out "when you get there" and so make sure that you do. Make sure that you confront the problem and address it. You need to sit down with her and figure what she wants. She can love you but if she is unhappy, love is not enough for a faithful and strong relationship.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #3

    Mar 13, 2007, 08:58 AM
    Jerzykat, If what you have written is true, You aren't the only one hanging at her house. I bet it is hectic.
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
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    #4

    Mar 13, 2007, 05:01 PM
    Nothing good, that's for sure. You've got a lot of red flags here. Keep your guard up or you'll end up with a broken heart. When someone becomes evasive that's never a good sign. You need to really evaluate the viability of this relationship.
    TrueFaith's Avatar
    TrueFaith Posts: 1,202, Reputation: 313
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    #5

    Mar 13, 2007, 05:13 PM
    I agree it does not go well for you. Seems like there will be a lot of hurt people at the end of this.. I think you need to think about, is it worth it.. she is seeing someone else while she is with you. And you have done the same..

    I think you should get out of that so called relationship my friend :) I know a lot easier said than done. But in the end you will be better off

    Hope it all works out man
    Skell's Avatar
    Skell Posts: 1,863, Reputation: 514
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    #6

    Mar 13, 2007, 06:56 PM
    Had to spread it Tal but right on. Hmmmnnn. I wonder why at nights she wants to be 'alone"?

    Lots of red flags here sorry. I think it is best that you re-evaluate your position in this relationship. It doesn't sound as though it is very healthy!

    Good luck!
    Parajr's Avatar
    Parajr Posts: 149, Reputation: 21
    Junior Member
     
    #7

    Mar 13, 2007, 07:15 PM
    In my opinion she has something to hide. Maybe someone lives with her. This is not adding up. When things don't add up you need to examine the situation because you could be putting yourself in danger by not knowing what or who you are up against.
    freebird1981's Avatar
    freebird1981 Posts: 30, Reputation: 5
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    #8

    Mar 14, 2007, 01:54 AM
    My partner and I were in a long distance relationship for a year when we first met (250 miles away from each other) and because of work etc we only got to see each other once per month for the weekend... I couldn't wait to see him and do all the stuff we had been planning for a month, I can't think of one single reaqson I would have told him I didn't want him to stay at my house.. far from it, in fact I didn't want him to leave. IMO I think she is still seeing the other guy and is trying to hide it from you. This is your life too and you need to know where you stand, just tell her straight out that you think something is wrong and tell her to respect you enough as her partner to tell you so you can move on
    jerzeykat's Avatar
    jerzeykat Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Mar 14, 2007, 03:39 PM
    The story goes on... a couple weeks ago her neighbors car was set on fire, and just for the record I'm 21 and she is 18, she says she knew who done it but wouldn't tell me straight up. She still lives with her mom and it's not like she can just have guys sleeping over like that. Her mom and her pops both like me a lot, and when I'm with her she takes me out to all of her friends houses to chill and all that so its not like she's hiding me, and she said she's not hiding me, and she is not a liar. I'm not sure if she is afraid that because she stopped seeing this dude that he's going to try and do something to me or her or something like that, but I can't shake this feeling that whatever is going on has to do with this guy because that was the case last time I went to see her. Because we talk every day at least 2-3 times, and I don't fuc.kin know. I guess there is no way to know what is really going on until I get there. 7 days from now. Until than, there is nothing I can do.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #10

    Mar 14, 2007, 08:00 PM
    She Lives With Her Parents!!

    Any Other Important Facts You Want To Let Us In On???????????????
    SarahKCE's Avatar
    SarahKCE Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #11

    Mar 15, 2007, 12:01 AM
    That changes things completely that she lives with her parents - maybe her parents aren't getting along and it's really strained at home? I wouldn't all rain down on the girl just yet because we didn't have all the facts before...
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #12

    Mar 15, 2007, 05:40 AM
    I feel misled, and I hope we all learn that to make a decision based on half truths is totally different than having important facts before us. The same with life, as with out all the facts what kind of decisions are we going to make? In the case of this poster just the fact that he can't stay at the g/f's house(which it isn't) leads one to think of hanky panky going on. Now that we know that she lives with her parents then she is not comfortable with him staying there with her, even though he has before. I can only conclude that they are not the item he has imagined they are, and they both need to honestly talk before he travels so far for a visit. There is no telling what she has told her parents about this relationship, but it has obviously changed. Need more FACTS.

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