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My boyfriend and I have been together for awhile, and just like many other couples, we have our quarrels and what not. We tend to resolve them fairly quickly, and we recognize our faults and what causes a lot of our conflicts. But often, I'll ask him a question regarding something I may or may not be sensitive about; he'll lash out first, make some noise like he's extremely frustrated and then say its my insecurities, I need to control my thoughts, ect. Although some of it may be true, I know for a fact my questions are not not provocative. For example, tonight he told me that sometimes when we have sex in the missionary position his "stuff" gets soft. Well, before this he had actually told me it brings about a different reaction. Naturally I was confused and asked him why. He then stated, he didnt know, maybe because he's not being visually stimulated. So then, remembering that he used to look at a lot of porn, I asked him if thats why, not being antagonistic or anything and he was like no. And he was criticizing me thereafter, saying i was being to insecure. Yes, I was a little concerned about what he said especially because it didnt coincide with his previous answer, but I wasnt like angrily interrogating him. The reason why i was concerned it because thats the position we will "make love" and this is a very important part of our sexual intimacy I think, as it is with other serious couples. If he's not aroused by just our making love, then I believe i have cause for concern. WHat do you think I should say or do. Remember that he seems to lash out about most questions he thinks are directly linked to some insecurity about myself...Idk i would like it if he acted more like my boyfriend and not Dr. phil
You both have cheated (Him-2; You-1). You don't communicate. You don't trust him. He shuts down and gets defensive. AND a whole lot more according to other questions you've asked.
The more I read the more I have to ask:
WHY are you still with this man?
Not to mention, what's next and can we get it all in one thread?
I may get slammed by people here but you overstepped a line by going on HIS buddy list and contacting people on his buddy list. There is nothing positive that could come from that, you either get your own satisfaction from feeling better if they don't know you or you embarrass him because his girlfriend is contacting people from his myspace. Or let’s say, you didn’t know who it was and you contacted them, it turns out to be his boss? How do you think that would make him look.
No trust, no relationship. It’s plain and simple
I don’t agree with him and his ways, but you weren’t innocent in the matter. It doesn’t matter how many times you cheated compared to him. Infidelity is infidelity, no other way around it. If you can’t communicate then there is no point to being in a relationship
OP, please keep all the questions relating to the same issue in the same thread so that we can follow your story.
I'm really sorry to say, but this relationship is extremely toxic and it needs to end, regardless of how harsh that sounds. You're just hurting yourself by sticking around. You don't have to continue to suffer like this.
Since the threads have merged now it makes more sense now.. to break up!
Unless of course BOTH you and him WANT to work out the relationship with a counselor.
In my opinion this relationship should have been over a long time ago.
Time to move on.
Sarah
Its so heartening to see this forum's regular people take so much effort in addressing the prioblems of someone in pain and confusion.Seriously,you guys and gals,you rock totally and I really thank my lucky stars I found you all out when I needed you the most.
But yes j_ely,theres a lot of thinking you need to do about this relationship you are in.If someone is forever coming back to you with shrink-talk about YOUR insecurities and not being able to DISCUSS issues maturely and instead acts DEFENSIVE and tries to make you feel GUILTY about trying to sort things out,then theres definitely a liot of ATTITUDE issues that need to be dealt with first.A lot of analysis,finding ways and means to get through to him,allowing him to come to you than you having to always take the lead and so on and so forth.Are you ready to take on so much stress in your relationship?Are you prepared to deal with his cheating ways,willing to give a LOT of TIME and PATIENCE to make this relationship work?
Update; So yesterday i wasnt quite able to communicate to him exactly how everything was making me feel and he got a a headache, so i let him go to sleep. As a means to alleviate all the issues that arise regarding his internet/computer usage and talking with others, he attempted to modify his contact list, which by the way wasnt enough, but i appreciated the effort. I told him so as well. Anyway, i just feel like he doesnt understand what his lying and cheating has done to our relationship. Its not that it cant be fixed its just he needs to put A LOT of effort into it. Whether or not he's capable of doing so i dont know...i guess i should work with a time frame?
Anyway, i just feel like he doesnt understand what his lying and cheating has done to our relationship. Its not that it cant be fixed its just he needs to put A LOT of effort into it.
Remember that you have to work on it too. He isn't the only one who messed up so it is unfair to make him do all the "fixing".
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