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    Why does my Boyfriend go out with his friends but not me?

    Asked Apr 28, 2010, 11:54 PM 26 Answers
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    My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost 3 years. Hes a sweet guy and would do anything for me. The problem I have is when he's with me he doesn't want to do anything just stay home and watch a dvd. I have to ask him to go somewhere with me. Or if he does want to go out he wants to go to the same restaurant every time or to the movies which is once in a blue moon when I have complained.

    I asked him if he would go on short holiday with me but his response was I cant, I don't have the money id said I pay but he said 'when I go away with you I want to pay for both of us'. I kept trying to get him to come cause I had time off work organised and it was only a few days he had to take off which he could do easily. Two weeks later he is telling me he's going to go away with friends for the weekend. Naturally I kicked up a stink and he decided hed come away with me as well as going with his friends.

    If I say lets go here hed say 'nah I don't want to. I just want to stay home' and all we'd do that night is watch a dvd. But when a friend ask him out he gets all excited and wants to go. Its not because I ask him to do boring things. Ive never asked him to do anything like a walk on the beach or anything he would call boring. I have asked him to go places he likes.

    I have bought this issue up to him a few times and every time he starts to get better for a month then again it dies down. Lately I've been asking him to go somewhere on this day, he said he'd see... then makes plans with friends.

    I have asked him why he doesn't want to go anywhere with me but is perfectly fine to go everywhere with his friends and his reply was... You ask me out on the days I don't feel like going out. When I said how come every time your friends ask it's the day you want to go out? He didn't have an answer.

    Once when I bought this up he said I was asking too much of him. Is asking your boyfriend to go somewhere with you every now and then asking too much from him? Please give me your opinion. Because I don't think it is but maybe I'm wrong.

    This is my first and only boyfriend and I know he loves me it just I don't know what makes him not want to go anywhere with me. Any advice would be great thank you.

    Last edited by I wish; May 11, 2010 at 08:30 AM.
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    26 Answers
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 7,259, Reputation: 3469
    Marriage Expert
     
    #21

    May 11, 2010, 04:36 PM


    LostWithoutHer, did you read the whole thread? She is now asking for advice on a gift to get him for their anniversary. It's a merged thread.
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    aimee_tt's Avatar
    aimee_tt Posts: 340, Reputation: 143
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    #22

    May 11, 2010, 04:47 PM

    I know I sound silly talking like I do. But its true Even though he didn't take me out I we still had our fun days.

    He has been doing all the work. He has taken me out every day basically since. He is the one trying to keep me.

    When I say I give him gifts Doesn't mean he doesn't give them back. He has spent more money on me than I have with him. He is a giving person.

    He says he Knows what he did wrong and he didn't mean to hurt me.

    He is fixing things and he knows this is his last chance. He has planned a holiday for us to go see his family in NZ in 3 months time. I have never met them and he is paying for the whole trip.

    I know he could go back to the old him. But he has never tried this much before. He really is trying to make me happy and its working.

    I know I may end up hurt but it feels right for now.
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    Devorameira's Avatar
    Devorameira Posts: 2,461, Reputation: 981
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    #23

    May 11, 2010, 05:01 PM

    Good luck - I hope he truly has learned his lesson and you two live happily ever after!
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    esther1021's Avatar
    esther1021 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #24

    Sep 6, 2010, 07:23 PM
    I feel the same way rigth now.. my boyfriend just spent going out to "fun" things w/ his friends and we spent the day home watching t.v. that's fine and all but why he did the fun things w/ his friends and left me out... I just feel left out and kicked off the side w/ this whole thing.. I want him 2 have friends and a life outside of me but dam he spend Friday sat sun nigth and Monday all day w/ his friends out having a blast and during the day he was all tyred to actually do things other than relax so he could go hang out at nigth... I know he loves me too but feeling like this also isn't good... my advice is exactly what I'm going to do now... I'm just going to talk to him and c what he says... depending on his answer I'll take it from there.. even though I'm deeply in love with him... I matter more than us (pride issues)... and certain things I will not take... so I have no problem with letting him go
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    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,130, Reputation: 2430
    Dating & Teen Expert
     
    #25

    Sep 7, 2010, 07:47 AM

    Then let him go. What is the point of holding on to a relationship you are not happy in?
    He is not the only guy in the world.
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    Sarieee's Avatar
    Sarieee Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #26

    Sep 10, 2010, 06:26 AM
    Wow, this is exactly my situation too!
    I constantly kept saying to myself that I did'nt want to be one of those *****y girlfriends who never let their partner go out with his mates. I don't mind if you need to have 'man time' with your friends, just not every single Friday/Saturday night please!
    I confronted my boyfriend of 3 years about his behavior. I tried hard to avoid directly blaming him but I stated how his actions made me feel and suggested how we can improve the relationship together. It worked... for a few months.
    Now every time I bring it up its either I get a big sappy apology or get called a nagger/control freak... which I exactly wanted to avoid turning into!
    Every Friday (and occasionally Saturday) night its 'guy time' out in the clubs and consequently, by the time Saturday night rolls around he is usually too hungover or poor to make any sort of formal effort so our time together is spent stuck indoors.
    And that's when the arguments start e.g.. He thinks that just because we are sitting in the same room means we are spending quality time together and I admit that I am usually too pissed off by this stage to make any sort of effort. It's a lose/lose situation.
    Seriously though. How much friend time is too much? His friends are always drinking out in town because they are single.They moved back to the state at the start of the year and its been a constant point of argument for us. I don't want to throw away 3 years together because of this but with every passing weekend I think the light fades a little more.
    Who knows... anyway, I will finally be graduating from uni at the end of the year so I expect to experience some big changes in the near future and hopefully everything will fall into place!
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    abby1214's Avatar
    abby1214 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #27

    Oct 24, 2010, 01:48 PM
    I have the same problem with my boyfriend. All he ever wants to do is stay home and watch television in his basement and kiss. Whenever we go out he always has to have his friends with us, never just me and him. It's very frustrating . He says that he loves me and we've been together for almost a year now, we haven't had sex yet so I don't think he's just in it to get some. I don't know what to do... anyone else have some advice?
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