Why do we always fall in love with the wrong person?

ososad · Apr 13, 2008, 11:46 AM

We fall in love easily because we want to love and be loved. We tend to take whatever comes along, and then we just get comfortable in it. We stay for many reasons- dependence (emotional, financial, etc.), fear of being alone, fear of hurting the other person...

It sucks, but that's what happens. I doubt very few people are actually happy in their relationships. Convenience, comfort, and routine are what most long-term relationships consist of.

Everyone settles.

Alty · Apr 13, 2008, 01:41 PM

Not true.

I have been married to a wonderful man for 13 years, together for 18. Not everyone falls for the wrong guy, that's just until you meet the right guy. You have to kiss allot of toads before you find your prince.

I'm with my husband because he is my best friend, lover, and partner in every way. I'm not here because of convenience, comfort or routine, those things just happen. I'm here because I love being here, otherwise I would leave.

Not everyone settles, most people that I know are truly in love with their significant other. You just haven't found the right person yet. Don't give up.

Ososad, if that's how you feel then that's what you will get, if you are unwilling to give love a chance then love will not find you, that's the way it is.

Good Luck all.

talaniman · Apr 13, 2008, 07:50 PM

Until we learn what we want, and what we don't, we tend to pick the same type of partner, and worse, make the same mistakes, over and over, as we put all into that one, and those intense feelings make us forget the real world, so we fall very hard, when our very high expectations are not met. Most times, its not even the person we chose, but the security, and companionship, they provide. Many of us are afraid of being alone, and have a fear of being rejected, and unloved. Until we grow enough to love ourselves, and be happy with who we are, we always will depend on someone else, to make us happy. Not very healthy.

Homegirl 50 · Apr 13, 2008, 08:09 PM

I don't think we do.
The problem is a lot of people are in love with the idea of being in love. We meet someone, think they are cute, we ignore the red flags that pop up along the way, we don't listen to the advice someone may give us regarding that person, and so we have allowed ourself to fall in love, or at least we think it's love.

djsk · Apr 13, 2008, 10:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andreas_111

Hi, I have a small question. Why do we always fall in love with the wrong person? And by doing that end up being hurt all the time but have a great difficulty to let go!
Thanks for your time.

Its true We fall in love easily because we want to love and be loved. We tend to take whatever comes along, and then we just get comfortable in it. We stay for many reasons- dependence (emotional, financial, etc.), fear of being alone, fear of hurting the other person...
Some easily falls in love for security or to forget the last loved one!
Yes we atened to hurt as we fall yet rise back up stronger and better for the same reson we fell, but we allways look back at those things and realis how much we learned from it
Well I hope I've hleped you!

Homegirl 50 · Apr 13, 2008, 10:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ososad

We fall in love easily because we want to love and be loved. We tend to take whatever comes along, and then we just get comfortable in it. We stay for many reasons- dependence (emotional, financial, etc.), fear of being alone, fear of hurting the other person...

It sucks, but that's what happens. I doubt very few people are actually happy in their relationships. Convenience, comfort, and routine are what most long-term relationships consist of.

Everyone settles.

Taking whatever comes along is not falling in love, it's settling or being with someone for convenience sake, being with someone for the wrong reason. That has nothing to do with love.
Long term relationships are long because there is love and commitment.
I've been married 32 years and I didn't marry for convenience sake. Love is what has kept me in my marriage, what has gotten us through the difficult times.

Mom of 2 · Apr 13, 2008, 11:15 PM

You only settle when you agree to continue in a relationship that you know is not good for you and is unhealthy. This is different than compromising, which is present in all relationships. Compromising is not ignoring what is important to you, but choosing your battles. No, there is never a perfect relationship, but that does not mean that you have to settle.

asking · Apr 13, 2008, 11:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Taking whatever comes along is not falling in love, it's settling or being with someone for convenience sake, being with someone for the wrong reason. That has nothing to do with love. Long term relationships are long because there is love and commitment. I've been married 32 years and I didn't marry for convenience sake. Love is what has kept me in my marriage, what has gotten us through the difficult times.

I just talked to someone who has been married for about 55 years and he said that people expect too much and should be more willing to settle. But you are saying the opposite. It's hard to believe that everybody gets a shot at the kind of happiness you have found. I am more and more thinking that a lot of people just don't get to live happily ever after. Maybe life just isn't necessarily happy for everyone or even most people. That doesn't mean it's not worth living.
Asking

Homegirl 50 · Apr 14, 2008, 12:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mom of 2

You only settle when you agree to continue in a relationship that you know is not good for you and is unhealthy. This is different than compromising, which is present in all relationships. Compromising is not ignoring what is important to you, but choosing your battles. No, there is never a perfect relationship, but that does not mean that you have to settle.

I have to spread some rep, but these are excellent points mom of 2 has made.

Why do we always fall in love with the wrong person?

Check out some similar questions!