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ladie unica · Oct 30, 2007, 02:55 PM

I was just curious why people get so attached to some and it hurts more when you break up if you have sex with them because people always say that and I just want to know why and if its even true

little firefly · Oct 30, 2007, 03:52 PM

Well, for a lot of people (myself included) it's because sex is the most intimate thing that two people can do together. If you already have feelings for someone, and you are sexually intimate with that person, it tends to make the feelings deeper and stronger. It creates a bond that you don't have with anyone else, and that's why it hurts so much when the relationship ends.

statictable · Oct 30, 2007, 06:04 PM

Little Firefly and Homegirl 50 are spot on. I wish more people knew that.

fjsmith81 · Oct 30, 2007, 06:24 PM

People don't get attached women get attached. There is some hormone that is released in us after we have sex with a man that makes us get that way. Or you can just think of it like this what is the most intimate thing you can do with someone? Have sex right? You are vulnerable and you are giving someone a piece of you. Too many times people view sex as casual but it is not. You are letting someone see you naked and have access to your personal space.

aiyerrc · Dec 23, 2007, 11:53 AM

That is very untrue. Guys with a sense of emotion get get attatched as easily as a women can. Not all guys are hard a$$es, and run through one girl after the next. Guys with a level head on their shoulders and a nice-guy personality can easily get attatched to a women. Just because all the jerks are the ones that have used you, doesn't mean you can stereotype all guys.

Spontaneouslemon · Dec 23, 2007, 12:19 PM

When you orgasm, you release a lot of oxytocin (a hormone) which makes you want to cuddle. Basically.

ilovcali · Dec 23, 2007, 12:42 PM

Because sex rules! And anyone who has sex with me, I tend to think rules!

--Cali

Wondergirl · Dec 23, 2007, 12:53 PM

That's how women (and many men) are wired. Even if there's no relationship before sex, the intimacy of the sex act (like, who sees you naked and vulnerable?) creates an emotional link between the two. Ask women who have "hooked up" at parties.

There are women who have been raped and have become emotionally connected to their rapist - sort of a Stockholm Syndrome. It's not unheard of that female patients have a crush on their gynecologists and OBs and even GPs. Like I said, who all sees you naked and vulnerable?

stonewilder · Dec 23, 2007, 01:16 PM

I have to disagree with Homegirl and fjsmith8. I am a woman and I can assure you, I can have casual sex with out feeling any kind of bond with that guy. Of course that may only be because my heart belongs to someone else. I think there has to be a bond before you have the sex then maybe the sex just seals it and makes it stronger.

simoneaugie · Dec 23, 2007, 01:22 PM

I guess I'm in a minority, a hard-a$$ female. If I'm going to get attached to a guy, I get attached. Sex or not. Sex is about procreation, making babies. (I don't mean that like our Grandparents did, that was all it's for!) What I mean is that the human body wants to make babies. We're wired to do so.

We get attached to others because we are social. When sex occurs between two people, their body chemistries interact, their spirits meld, and frequently their minds interact. It's all a good thing. Perhaps it is more common for females to become attached because, face it, we are left with most of the "chemicals." A guy can just wipe it off. A woman has to douche thoroughly and wash to free herself from the stuff.

The more you are close to someone, the less important cleaning up seems to be. Or maybe I am damaged? Perhaps I am hardened and cold because most men are? It has served me well.

Wondergirl · Dec 23, 2007, 01:23 PM

Originally Posted by stonewilder

that may only be because my heart belongs to someone else.

That says it all! You have no room in your heart when you hook up in casual sex.

ScottGem · Dec 23, 2007, 01:27 PM

There are, obviously, no hard and fast rules here. Both men and women can have "casual sex" (that term really grates on me) just as both men and women can feel it represents an escalation of a relationship.

I side with firefly. In my opinion having sexual relations with someone SHOULD represent a greater commitment to that person and an escalation of a relationship. I think most people feel that way, but more women than men. If a breakup comes after "giving yourself" to another it will hurt more. If the breakup occurs shortly after this change in the relation, it can make one feel used and betrayed.

ScottGem · Dec 23, 2007, 01:31 PM

Originally Posted by simoneaugie

Sex is about procreation, making babies. (I don't mean that like our Grandparents did, that was all it's for!)

Oh do I disagree with that! Clearly engaging in sexual relations carries much more importance to a relationship and to society in general.

Wondergirl · Dec 23, 2007, 01:57 PM

Originally Posted by simoneaugie

Sex is about procreation, making babies. (I don't mean that like our Grandparents did, that was all it's for!)

Wow! You think our ancestors had only baby-making in mind when they had sex?? Babies were what resulted when they had "fun." Some never figured out the connection.

What I mean is that the human body wants to make babies. We're wired to do so.

In the Bible, God told Adam he didn't want him to be alone, so God made Eve. He didn't make Eve primarily to have babies. Sex is primarily a human connector, a way to cement a relationship, an exclamation point, if you will.

ScottGem · Dec 23, 2007, 02:05 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

In the Bible, God told Adam he didn't want him to be alone, so God made Eve. He didn't make Eve primarily to have babies. Sex is primarily a human connector, a way to cement a relationship, an exclamation point, if you will.

Now I have to disagree with that. The main purpose of sex is to procreate. Whatever plan created animal life (including humans) made sex pleasurable to encourage procreation. Only in humans is sexual activity a totally voluntary action. In other animals mating is governed by the female emitting pheromones when in heat to attract the male.

Humans are the only animal that can mate whenever they want to. Primates are also the only animal that can mate face to face.

Wondergirl · Dec 23, 2007, 02:11 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Now I have to disagree with that. The main purpose of sex is to procreate. Whatever plan created animal life (including humans) made sex pleasurable to encourage procreation. Only in humans is sexual activity a totally voluntary action. In other animals mating is governed by the female emitting pheromones when in heat to attract the male.

Humans are the only animal that can mate whenever thay want to. Primates are also the only animal that can mate face to face.

The primary purpose of sex is to get pleasure. (Why else is masturbation so popular?) Like I said, even the Bible confirms that. Do animals (us included) ever have sex for fun? Do they ever have sex without producing offspring?

ScottGem · Dec 23, 2007, 02:19 PM

I guess we will just have to agree to disagree. But I strongly believe that the primary purpose of sex isw procreation. That it is pleasurable is just to encourage doing it. That masturbation can be a substitute is a side effect. For example, people need to eat to live, but eating is pleasurable and people eat beyond what they need to live on, causing obesity and illness.

Wondergirl · Dec 23, 2007, 02:27 PM

Ok. I'll back down on part of what I said. The primary purpose of animal sex is for procreation. Their fertility cycles are set up that way. They don't have sex unless the females are ready.

On the other hand, the primary purpose of human sex is for pleasure and emotional bonding. Females can be ready at any time. Offspring can be a by-product of that.

ScottGem · Dec 23, 2007, 02:30 PM

I still don't agree. Humans are still part of the animal kingdom. If the purpose of sex was pleasure, then why all the taboos about extra marital sex?

Wondergirl · Dec 23, 2007, 02:38 PM

Exactly! Because of the pleasure humans receive from sex, there have to be taboos about extra-marital sex.

The taboos don't say, "Don't have babies." The taboos say, "Don't have this pleasure." The taboos come down to us from Bible passages that tell us not to make that emotional connection before marriage when children can be produced within a secure situation.