Hi there in need of a good listener to help me with this complicated issue. Please advise me.

My ex and I broke up in May this year we had been together for 10 months I am 27 and he is a little younger 24. Everything was going well and he was very loving and then suddenly he changed overnight he went very cold and distant and said he wasnt ready for relationship and he was very confused because he loved me but wasnt ready to settle down.

Anyway, I have been heart broken about this but now although still a bit bruised have realised that he is just too young for me and that I want him to be happy.

The problem lies in the fact that we have the same big group of friends who I have been avoiding because of him. Until recently because I have become quite socially isolated and feeling lonely I have started to go out with them all again Why should I lose my friends and social life because of him?

So I have spoken to him and told him that I understand why he doesnt want to be together any more but that I think it best we be friends, because things didnt end at the fault of anyone and we are still going to see each other all the time. He does not appear happy about this we try and get on but he sometimes says quite nasty comments to me that hurt and he cant even look me in the eye half the time. It's so arkward I dont want to be lonely, or have to make new friends, because I love all my friends. I try and put a brave face on whilst I am around him and ignore his comments but it hurts that he is behaving like this......I dont understand why he is being nasty towards me in this way it is like he cant bear to be around me and i dont know what i did to deserve this treatment.....what do you think I can do to resolve this?

Thanks for your time.

mancgirl

Hello me again, I'm going to ask a couple more questions so you might be able to help me.........

What can I say to him when I am out? I sometimes do snap at him in return when i've had a drink and say horrible things to him too which I know is totally wrong!
Should I avoid him when I am out?

Don't understand why he is being like this....anyone got any ideas? Maybe if I can understand this will help me.......at the moment I feel like I am doing something wrong and to blame in some way....am I?

GlindaofOz

Were this mutual friends before you starting dating?

In my opinion he is acting like this because he is immature. He may have never had to deal with an ex being around him after a break up before and somehow feels that you are intruding upon his turf as a result of that he is lashing out and acting out like a petulant child.

So what do we do with petulant children? We ignore their outbursts since giving them any attention for their negative behavior reinforces it.

Hold your head high and carry yourself like the lady you are. When he takes digs at you just smile brightly and say "Gee I'm really sorry you feel that way." then walk away. Don't let him get the best of you.

statictable

"When your going to shot, shot, don't talk.? To be with mutual friends is great, smart and very normal. To contact your ex and lay out your concept of social intercourse is not great, not smart but unfortunately very normal. Try being less than normal for a few weeks and you might be very surprised. As far as talking with this guy,,,,,ZIP IT.....

mancgirl

Yes we were great friends before and this has taught me a huge lesson the next one wont be!!

Haha thanks a lot, you are right yes he is just a big baby and think he actually feels like a bit of an idiot now.....probably regrets his decision and seeing me out having fun is upsetting him more than he could ever upset me!!

It's difficult but I guess I'm gonna have to avoid him when out and ignore his spiteful comments.

Thanks again.