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Why am I paranoid?
Asked Mar 16, 2012, 02:21 AM
Been with my boyfriend for 5 years he's from up north and I'm from midlands. He's slowly moved down over the last 2 years, but is here for good. But I'm getting bad vibes from his mum, and brother, since Xmas, cause he don't go up so much, and when he does, I've been with him!!
Well now I have fallen out with them, think they resent me for him moving. But surely they should be happy for him (his mum and brother are selfish people). I feel sorry for my boyfriend, cause he's in the middle, and now our relationship is tense and we aren't getting on!! His brother said she wins again, but I don't understand what he means by that. I keep crying I feel so down by boyfriend said I'm parnoid :(
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Senior Family & People Expert
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Mar 17, 2012, 07:12 AM
Listen to your boyfriend, and stop getting so worked up about what his family does, and says. Let him deal with them, while you follow his lead and enjoy being with your partner. Doesn't matter what they do, from a distance. So stop trying to figure them out.
You allow them power they simply don't have. They cannot control you, nor can you control them, so accept they are idiots and let them be.
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Mar 17, 2012, 07:58 AM
You need to stop worry about his family, if you keep getting worked up over them, you can cause issues with your boyfriend. Let him go visit alone if he wants to or go and keep your mouth shut, don't argue no matter what they try.
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Emotional Health Expert
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Mar 17, 2012, 08:51 AM
Is this the first time your boyfriend has actually moved away from his family home?
While I agree that you need to take the high road here and not mix it up with any of his family members, I think that should also extend to your boyfriend. Simply stop talking about it. That takes the pressure off him to try to keep the waters calm. He may very well develop a relationship with them, and an entirely separate relationship with you. The two 'sides' may never be one big happy family.
You only need to concentrate on your relationship, with your boyfriend. Guessing at other people's motivations, insinuations, hints, vibes, second hand information, etc., will only undermine your relationship. Learn to say you simply don't want to discuss his family, and leave it at that.
Sometimes, time has a way of smoothing the waters. When they eventually learn that all they say and do doesn't rattle you, and you remain faithful to only your boyfriend, and their brother/son, they'll have nothing to natter about. Plus when they know that you do not talk about them, that will make you more trustworthy in their eyes.
You might also want to consider discussing with your boyfriend, that he make arrangements to spend the day with just his mother. I have done that in a roundabout sort of way with my husband, and without actually saying I arranged it, his mother was thrilled that he thought of spending the day with her. I was happy to let his mother think that he thought of the plan all by himself.
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