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    kjones54847's Avatar
    kjones54847 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Oct 27, 2008, 11:40 AM
    Why, after 5 years can I not let go of my first love?
    My high school sweetheart,my best friend, my first and my first love! It has been 5 years since my ex and I have been together. Over the years, since high school we both have dated other people, gone to different colleges, hung out with different people, but have always stayed in touch. I have never stopped loving him the way I did our sophomore year in high school, I still get the butterflies when he calls or when I see him, I still talk about him all the time with my girlfriends and mom. SEVERAL times over the years I've told him how I STILL feel, and every time he has giving me the same response. He will always love and care for me but, not in that way. Since high school I've been in denile, of his responses, BAD! I still think he cares for me more than just a friend, just little looks or things he'll say, I try not to think too much into it but he drives me crazy in the best way possible! I've tried not calling, he calls me. I've asked him not to call he still did. Obviously we are going to stay friends. The problem is that I've been in a serious relationship now for 2 years. He does not know of my feelings for my ex. And we see him all the time! The fact that I'm dreaming and obsessing over my ex is what I don't want. I'm very much in love with my boyfriend but I cannot let go of my first!? He's always in my thoughts. Its not fair to my current boyfriend, and the hardest question is what do I do is something wrong with me?
    HistorianChick's Avatar
    HistorianChick Posts: 2,556, Reputation: 825
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    #2

    Oct 27, 2008, 11:58 AM

    Nothing is wrong with you. You obviously are a very passionate person who makes the most out of situations - one of those people who live life to the fullest. I'm one of those kind of people, too.

    You'll never forget your first love. It was the first time your heart did that little flip-flop, the first time the butterflies took off inside your stomach, and the first time you realized that you loved someone-heart and soul. There is nothing wrong with that! In fact, it's a wonderful thing!

    Its wonderful to remember with fondness the guy who first stole your heart. To dwell and obsess on it while in a relationship with someone else is where you're finding your problem.

    You're going to have to give up the hope that you're still feeling. The hope that "one day, maybe, he'll realize." That is what is eating you up inside. Recognize that you had a wonderful relationship with him, acknowledge that he is your dear friend, but realize that he is only that.

    The only thing you can do is refocus. Refocus on you and what makes you happy in your relationship now. Refocus those feelings of longing into your boyfriend. You're cheating him out of those passions that you have hidden in your heart for a man that has told you he is not "into you."

    It may take being honest one more time with your friend and telling him that you are choosing to move on. You're choosing to put to rest the hope that you've nursed all these years. That you're choosing to be apart from him. That you're going to distance yourself from him for a time because you need to refocus on your life and future with that special someone that is dreaming of you.

    You deserve to be loved to the very extent that you love... and beyond. You deserve the passions that you feel to be returned. You deserve a man so totally in love with you... just as you are with him.

    Don't sell yourself short.

    I wish you the best.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #3

    Oct 27, 2008, 09:45 PM

    You haven't let go, and false hope is feeding this so called friendship. If your serious, you will give yourself a chance to heal by cutting all contact with him, and stop taking his calls. Very simple solution, but hard to do, but if your serious about moving on, do it!

    5 years is enough time to stop deluding yourself, and deal with reality.
    7Arwen's Avatar
    7Arwen Posts: 13, Reputation: 4
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    #4

    Oct 27, 2008, 10:25 PM

    Karma. It will eventually happen to him once you are deeply in love with your next boyfriend. He'll see the change in you, your nonchalant attitude, and want you back. It almost always works.
    dashabunniered's Avatar
    dashabunniered Posts: 7, Reputation: 6
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    #5

    Sep 27, 2011, 11:28 AM
    I understand. I am going through the same thing. If its meant to be, I will happen. If not then you two were never meant to be. You two just happen. If your like me then you feel horrible about how you feel about your ex beacause your in a relationship. So the best thing for you to is be honest with your current boyfriend. Let him no how you feel towards him and your ex. Be honest If you can't tell your guy the truth then you don't need to be with him. He might be a liitle hirt at first but if he really loves you, He will be there for you.

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