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Who's pushing who away?
Asked Oct 16, 2008, 03:53 PM
My girlfriend and I have been going for over 3 years now.
Its been a rocky road. I have posted about her on here before.
I would like to spend the rest of my life with her.
The problem is she keeps saying I'm a b/f and I let her down all the time, and that I do not make time for her. And don't "treat her nice"
I would disagree on the no time, treat her nice parts.
I have a house, and I have a mortgage that I pay off. I work.
I am an 27 year old asain guy (only child in single parent family) lives at home with mother
My g/f is 21 and lives with here family. She works.
After work I go to collect her from work and go home with her, spend the rest of the taxi/bus journey with her. (she lives in another part of the city)
I then either go home (2 different bus journey's) or I go to edit videos with my friend. As he lives on the same road as her.
So I go and edit movies and I get paid for it, not much ?50 per job. This extra income is used 2 take her out, buy her sumthing (if I got enough) or go 2wards renting an apartment 4 the day or part of her birthday/ anniversary gifts.
Oh and maybe to top up my mobile phone.
So I work during the day, and I work just after I see her. She goes to sleep on the fone to me. We talk every day and night. (her fone)
I tell her all through the day that I love her, I say nice things to her. And how our future will be like once we are married.
I walked out on my job over a year ago and I was out of proper work for around 8 months.
I was broke and I almost lost my house.
I bought a car because she was going on at me about me getting a car, as I mensioned "wen I get a car I will take you 2 da beach"
So I went out and got a car. Then I had to pay for that in installments (which I am doing at the moment) and then pay the insurance.
We keep arguing and then making up. And she says don't matter how much we argue I'd never leave you.
But yesterday she said "if you let me down again I will do something to really hurt you bad"
It was eid (religous festival) a few weeks ago and I went to my cousins in a different city. I was only meant to go for one day and the day after meet her after she finishes work.
But while I was at my cousins my mother decided we had to go home later the next day. So I missed our meeting. And that was me letting her down and she gave me hell for it.
The thing was I could not have come back by myself as we arrived by coach and the ticket was set for 2 adults.
Anyway this is really depressing me.
I've just had another argument with her (3 in total today) and I just feel like I should not be here.
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Oct 16, 2008, 05:26 PM
Sounds like your putting in a lot of time, and maybe you need to point out to her everything you do.
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Oct 16, 2008, 06:03 PM
"And if you keep talking like that to me, I'll do something loving to you...let you go. The last thing you'll ever get from me is a sense of entitlement. I don't feel entitled to control your world, and if you feel you are entitled to control your boyfriend's world, I love you enough to let you go find a boyfriend like that. That's not me. So, remember that next time you're ready to say something like that to me. I do care about you enough to MAKE you go out and get what you want, if that's not me, I can live with that. As long as you're happy in the end."
Originally Posted by cataleptic;
yesterday she said "if you let me down again I will do something to really hurt you bad
Never let someone get used to manipulating you through extortion or threats. Honor the threat by invoking it yourself and claiming you're doing it for love...she'll have no idea how to deal with that...which means she may calm down.
If she doesn't, well, it's true....if you AREN'T the guy for her, you DO love her enough to push her out the door to go find him, don't you? In the end, you will both be happy...eventually. And that's the big win.
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Jan 1, 2010, 02:41 PM
You have doubts.... My advice is...if in doubt-get out.
It doesn't sound like she'd make a good wife in the long run. You are doing your very best, and she owes you to be patient and understanding....simple factors in a long term relationship. It sounds to me that she has issues of her own...
Best of luck.
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Jan 1, 2010, 03:31 PM
Sounds like you're under enough stress just trying to work and keep the bills paid. You don't need a girl that lectures you and tries to control you.
Dealing with a controlling girlfriend can be a tiresome and annoying situation that wears on your patience. Being constantly controlled is something that no one should have to endure, even if you care about her.
Try to confront her about her behavior. You may think that ignoring the situation will minimize conflict, but it will actually make your problems worse by allowing resentment to grow in you.
If all else fails, consider calling it quits. Sometimes no amount of work can repair a relationship that is dominated by a controlling girlfriend that refuses to change. In this instance the best thing that you can do is move on to something happier and healthier.
The one who loves the least, controls the relationship. - Unknown
I loved you. It's not that I fell out of love because that is impossible. I just couldn't handle the heartache anymore. It's not that I don't love you - it's that I can't." - Unknown
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Senior Family & People Expert
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Jan 1, 2010, 07:19 PM
But yesterday she said "if you let me down again I will do something to really hurt you bad" |
I would have disappeared from her life forever. Not another word said. Geez guy you work to hard to hand your dignity, and self respect over to some controlling, unappreciative Betch, who likes to argue, among other unhealthy things. http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search....archid=5954571
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Jan 1, 2010, 10:18 PM
This thread is like....15 months old. Probably a resolved issue by now.
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