I am just really curious, there are alot of regulars on here and ive read their stories over the last few months. Just wondering how everyone is doing.

Personally Im at almost 3 months since the breakup. First month and a half was absolute hell, but its gotten way better. Went 55 days NC before she called me this week to ask something stupid. I thought I would be back to day 1 but an hour after talking to her I was fine again thank goodness. I still think about her WAY too much, but I have gone hours without the thought of her crossing my mind. I have focused more on work again, and am eating/sleeping properly again. Outlook is neutral (at least its not super negative). I have been seeing someone new casually but its really tough because of the whole 'my ex did this better etc' hopefully that goes away soon.


So how is everyone else doing? I feel some weird bond with all of you going through this CRAP at the same time as I.

madaman

I think its the best time to get rid of bad habits and find new things to enjoy. I sat down earlier today and set some non negotiable goals for myself to be achieved by Jan 1st. I have done this in the past, but im actually making myself do it this time. I feel like there is no better time to rebuild myself into who I want to be, than when I am at rock bottom such as now.

Im honestly ok with most things, but as SOON as I think about her with her boyfriend now, it kills me. I really really really wish I had never asked those questions I did back at the start of the breakup.

bummedout4

well i am updating my healing or lack thereof. Today i got home and went onto my facebook adn myspace. My ex is not a friend on myspace , she said it was an accident it got deleted or whatever. I still had comments from her and i noticed she changed her picture. So i clicked it, its set on private so all i see is that cover page and i see she put a pic of her and her new guy she is seeing and a quote that basically says......cuddling in his arms is like heaven. This totally blew me away, messed me up. I have been NC for 2 weeks but not feel like i am back at 0.

I knew she was seeing him but just seeing that , mostly the comment, just made me feel like wow, she doesnt care about me anymore, like she claims she does. She said she was confused, well doesnt seem confused to me. I can't believe i let her play me, toy with my heart and then stomp on it for the final blow. I feel like such an idiot. I always trusted her and gave her the benefit of the doubt, even now, and all she has done recently is lie to me and give me a bunch of BS. I was stupid enough to think that after 4 years , she would still love me and miss me somewhat. Whether she really does or now, i dont know, but it looks like she doesnt. This is not the girl i fell in love with and thought i knew and that hurts. To be hurt by someone who claims to love and care about you is the worst feeling i have ever felt or could have imagined.

It seems so easy for her, whether she is masking her feelings and distracting herself, i dont know but i hope one day she realizes what she has done here, and done to me. And then come running back and i hope to be moved on and let her suffer the way i have. I still love her, and it hurts, i dont think i will ever not love her. I was too nice i guess, let her fool me and give me false hope. Now i see that it looks like she been plannign this all along with no regard for my feelings. Well i needed to vent that out, I feel i was too nice the last time we talked. I just want to call her and tell her that she should feel like crap and that you don't play with people's emotions and feelings like this. She lied to me and crushed me, and that shes a totally different person. I want to curse her out so bad and leave her feeling like crap. WEll i probably won't but i want to. Sorry for being so long, i needed to vent that out.

kei12345

im not ready to heal myself.. i dont think i ever will..

reading your first post makes me so depressed

to heal myself would to be given a 2nd chance with her..

Jiser

I now hardly ever think of my ex. Its been since feb 12th I think we split up, about a month after that, her contacting me led me on a trip of self-emotional-harm (led me on, kissed guys in front of me, had a bf, went to a concert) untill july when I went NO CONTACT after she said sorry - briefly.

Tell you what every day is now more depressing. Life is hard enough work on your own!! Lol every day I give less and less of a sh*t about my ex. In fact I can pretty much say I am over it.

The best thing honestly you can do is keeping busy, improving yourself. Those things helped me. Doing things you never wud have done before also helped me become the new person I am today.

You all think its hard work, it is! It really is to get over some people, but it can be done. It takes time and alot of work though. + You cannot expect to move on being in contact with said ex either. No contact is brill!! I can probably say by early next year she will hardly cross my mind at all.

madaman

This is what we spent a month trying to tell you, Im so glad that you see it now (as much as it probably hurts). I know you want to curse her out, make her hurt like you do etc, but talking to her will do the opposite. She will still think she has you on a leash. If you really want your 'revenge' never phone/email/txt/smoke signal her again. Let her wonder and never know how you are doing. You now know that she moved on, its your turn!

madaman

I know this might sound crazy, but has anyone taken a full day to try and think positive? I know the bad thoughts creep back constantly for me, but Im wondering if anyone has success controlling their thoughts? The basic problem is im SICK of thinking about her, and I know shes gone, and im slightly ok with it. I wish I could just move on mentally now as I know I have no choice. Whenever I read a book on positive type thinking I feel great the day I read it, but I forget everything so quickly afterwards.

kuulski

The best thing you can do is when you think of something negative feed a positive thought into it. Example would be I would think of my ex being or seeing someone else and my thought would be I DESERVE BETTER. Maybe I would think man I miss her then I would think I missed her when I was with her lol. Guess not the most positive but you can fill in the blanks these helped me allot. It will take time. You wont notice the difference for a while but you look back you will smile. :>) I did. You have to find the moment of peace in yourself where you say I can sit here and cry and be sad and waste time or I can dust myself off and move on. Its her / his loss not yours they were just in your way. Thats how I see it. My ex is a good women over all and It was the first time I was with someone that I dont think cheated on me. However what I realized is what am I doing to myself? and to my relationships? #1 I am seeing myself and relationship as 1 that is not the case they are seperate. #2 I need to conciously seperate me time from our time. When I was wit my ex I use to spend all my social time with her along with our time. This created a huge void when we broke up which made it sooo much more dificult. Now I learned and now I see that I can stand on my own 2 and I can have fun and do what I like without having to hear someone complaining that I spend 60 bux on a game while she spends 500 on a pair of shoes she will not wear. I just saved myself 440 bux lol

Good Luck every 1 !

Ash123

If you sit there and try to think positive it will not happen.

You need to trick your brain into seeking dopamine elsewhere....Go to an amusement park, rent a movie, see an old friend, go on a trip, do something crazy and new.....then for a minute, an hour, a day...you may suddenly realize - "Whoa, I didn't think about her. Cool!"

And that's step 1.

The more you trick the brain the more it will do it on it's own....it will not include her in your mental framework.

enigmagnetic

I disagree. I think one can train one's mind to think positively. It takes time of course, but much like going to school and receiving an education, which to me is a training within itself, the mind can be strengthened. You can learn to focus intently on the things you want. I know I have trained my mind to think in a more productive and healthy way. I had to do it to beat alcoholism. I do agree, that the best way to move on and to not overwhelm yourself is to fill your life with the right amount of positive activities, it is also important to note that the mind much like a muscle can be toned. Filling your life with productive activities is an aid for that. I think that meditation can certainly be a stress relieving activity.

madaman

I try so hard to maintain the positive thinking. It usually works until something else triggers a minor depression and then it all comes sliding down. Personally I miss her less and less every day, but I still am getting more depressed. Im starting to see our relationship from a 3rd party perspective and I realize how dysfunctional it was. I cant wait until im completely happy alone without her.