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When should I stop the no contact period?

Asked Jul 14, 2011, 06:12 PM — 23 Answers
We broke up 2 months ago, but during this period there were some contacts from his side that he missed me, but he still wanted not to get back and there were some trials from my side to get him back, but they were useless.
But from a week, I started the no contact rule to try to get him back as this is the golden way to help me in this, I read that I should apply it till a whole month as a minimum period. We are working at the same company but not in the same department, so, we didn't see each other the last whole week and there is no action from his side since that week.
My question is when should I stop the no contact rule and what to do after that period to get him back? And when do I know that he has moved on and I've to get over him?

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23 Answers
talaniman's Avatar
talaniman Posts: 44,681, Reputation: 50641
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#2

Jul 14, 2011, 06:36 PM


Stay NC whatsoever for a year, and get a life that you enjoy with friends, family, and activities that make you happy.

NC is not to get someone back, but to get you healthy, and happy so you can make good decisions for yourself based on facts, and not just feelings. Stick with NC, until you are happy enough to move to better things.
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world_of_angels's Avatar
world_of_angels Posts: 8, Reputation: 10
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#3

Jul 14, 2011, 06:47 PM
Although I didn't contact him for a week and I'm trying to stick to the NC, but I'm thinking about him day and night and I can't start to do anything even if I like it, because he was my everything....I'm not happy by anything now. I tried over the last 2 months to start to do some activities, but they didn't help, and what calms me down now, that I hope that my absence will hurt him and he will return back to me!
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talaniman's Avatar
talaniman Posts: 44,681, Reputation: 50641
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#4

Jul 14, 2011, 07:01 PM


Nobody gets over an ex in a week or two, or even 3. It could take months to get back in a groove again. Start now and do fun things whether you want to, or not. How old are you?
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martinizing2's Avatar
martinizing2 Posts: 1,864, Reputation: 4101
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#5

Jul 14, 2011, 07:16 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by world_of_angels View Post
although I didn't contact him for a week and I'm trying to stick to the NC, but I'm thinking about him day and night and I can't start to do anything even if I like it, because he was my everything....I'm not happy by anything now. I tried over the last 2 months to start to do some activities, but they didn't help, and what calms me down now, that I hope that my absence will hurt him and he will return back to me!
NC is not suppose to have any effect on anyone but you.
It is not to hurt him back to you. That would be the worst way possible to attempt a reconciliation ( this is a harsh , cold and callous alert)
That is not going to work IF , and an extremely big if, it takes place at all.

This is the time you need to heal yourself , find out who you are and what you are about and start living an enjoyable life that is beneficial to your mental and physical well being .

You are in the hardest phase still, 2 months is a good start, but only a start.
Stay strong and keep up the good work.
I know how insanely hard this is.
I can also assure you it is worth all the effort it takes.

The pain will fade . It is not fast, it is not easy but it is what it takes to get through this.

We will be here and do whatever we can to help , never hesitate to ask for help, advice, encouragement , or if you just need someone to talk to we will be here for you.

Be focused and stay strong . Better times are ahead.
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amicon's Avatar
amicon Posts: 6,063, Reputation: 9563
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#6

Jul 14, 2011, 10:47 PM
Though I get it that your hurting it's up to you how you handle this break up.

When it's over it's most often over so accept that and start being good to yourself by building a life that makes you happy.

Stay with the no contact-that's for you to heal-not to get an ex back.

Good luck and take care.
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world_of_angels's Avatar
world_of_angels Posts: 8, Reputation: 10
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#7

Jul 15, 2011, 06:02 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Nobody gets over an ex in a week or two, or even 3. It could take months to get back in a groove again. Start now and do fun things whether you want to, or not. How old are you?
I'm 27......I never meant that i'll get over him in weeks, because I know it will take more much time as we were together 3 years doing all things together! That's why I'm missing him like hell......

I don't want to hurt him back, but I mean to just feel my absence, as the one feels more the things in his hand when he loses it!
I really still love him badly and need him as he is the one I really want to complete my life with. And what push me to start the no contact to get him back more than to heal myself. I know it's not true to think so....
But I'm really losttttttt...
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amicon's Avatar
amicon Posts: 6,063, Reputation: 9563
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#8

Jul 15, 2011, 06:48 AM
Reality check-he knows you're 'absent'-he broke up with you.

He's moving on with his life-as must you.
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talaniman's Avatar
talaniman Posts: 44,681, Reputation: 50641
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#9

Jul 15, 2011, 10:36 AM


Break ups suck, they hurt like hell! No way around that, and we all know healing is the hardest thing you can do.
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martinizing2's Avatar
martinizing2 Posts: 1,864, Reputation: 4101
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#10

Jul 15, 2011, 02:02 PM
Like I said, this is the hardest part.
And if you contact him you'll be going through this until you stop.

Every day you stay NC is a step to get away from the pain and confusion.
Every NC break takes you back to the starting line.

I think that in your heart you know this is the end and you are looking for something you know is no longer there , waiting for someone to find an answer you missed.

The reality is that you need to move on as he has done and will continue to do.

You are holding yourself in this hell, let go.
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