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I have been married for nine years, for seven years in the marriage my husband has been doing everything for every one but his family. He has left me so lonely that about a few years ago, I went to visit family and ran into an old friend. Yes a male friend. He said the right things, touched the right places and yes I had an affair, not just of the body but of the heart.
Then I went home after my visit, and things still did not change with my husband. I have told him for years of my concern of being so lonely. I have begged for attention for years. He claims he loves me but will not do anything to change the situation. I know he has never cheated.
Heres my question, the man I had an affair with say's he loves me and wants me to move with him. He makes no money, he has baggage that can supply a whole luggage store and he lies all the time. But I can honestly say I feel better with him then I have with anyone.
Then there is my husband, he works. Makes good money. Has never lied to me. He is young. Oh by the way the other guy is very old. We have a daughter in school and we have a great home.
Do I go broke and go with other man just to smile, or do I stay where I can survive and be unhappy hoping it will get better.
I have no one talk to, so any help would be great..
Thankss
Umm!!! Question: Have you considered counseling for you and your husband???
It would probably be best to go to counseling first, before making a hasty decision with a gentleman who is a broke liar! Maybe if you took a stand and let your husband know and be firm about it. If you show him that you are serious about your marriage, then it is best to let him know in a firm and loving manner that this is a dire situation that he must attend counseling sessions with you. On the other hand, if the other gentleman really cared about you at all, he would not lie to you. True devotion is hard to find[/color]
This sounds like jumping from one sinking ship to another.
I understand you had an adventure and found someone to pay attention to you, and you liked it, but can you honestly be happy in the long term with someone that you say “…makes no money, has baggage that can supply a whole luggage store and lies all the time…” ?
I cannot imagine how miserable you will be going from being lonely to being played.
Mind games, lies, a lifetime supply of drama …
That’s not a move to a healthy alternative. Take the advice above... be firm and be prepared to walk away, but not to this "broke liar".
Thank you for the advice, I guess I did forget to put in there that my husband has recently seperated and went to counseling for the first time. But things are not changing with him at all. Life is still as lonely as it was at the start. But you are right, I have to give this a try. But how do you let go of the other man, even as bad as he is when he makes me feel as good as he does.....
Please get counseling for yourself so you can resolve what ever issue that would make you go from a good husband that provides to being in an affair with a man who has nothing to show as far as supporting you and you child. I suspect this is not about your husband but more about you and your own expectations of what a husband is about. Please get help for yourself!
Well sounds like this happiness with the man who had an affair with wont probably last long.
Everything at the begining is all smiles and roses. Things change!
Especially that he is a liar more than anything, doesnt that scare u to commit to a liar?? It would to me.
Seeing a marriage councellor with your husband is probably the best decission u can make at the moment, not chose between and husband who doesnt make u happy or a liar.
If it dont work out, then start a fresh on your own.
You dont need a man who is liar. Wouldnt u be wondering everytime he says something you if he lying or not!!
Think about it...
Get to counseling!!! Grass is ALWAYS greenier on the other side of the fence!!!
People WANT what they can't have.....once you're with the Old Dude - I bet $1 million that one year OR LESS you WILL be misserable!!!!
Plus....what happens in a few years when the old dude dies????
Get to counseling - if Hubby refuse - then move on. He also needs to understand what his distance did to you. Forget the old dude though - you rushed to his arms bevcause you couldn't have him. WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU WANT TO BE WITH A LIAR WHO HAS ALL THESE PROBLEMS????
PLUS the old Dude used you - he knew you were married. It will get ugly if you live with this guy - he's by himself for a reason.
Thank you for the advice, I guess I did forget to put in there that my husband has recently seperated and went to counseling for the first time. But things are not changing with him at all. Life is still as lonely as it was at the start. But you are right, I have to give this a try. But how do you let go of the other man, even as bad as he is when he makes me feel as good as he does.....
Oh Dear!
It takes time to change, counselling doesn't work overnight.
You need counselling as well, and as soon as possible.
The other guy sounds like the worst possible news! Keep out, and take good care of yourself!
Milie
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