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Just wondering what is a long enough amount of time passed before it's appropriate to contact an Ex again, after No Contact? I know the obvious answers are "when you're strong enough" and/or "never", but if this person helped you get through a lot in life and you sincerely care for them and fully accept that the romantic relationship is over. And, the way things ended off were not mean spirited or malicious... If you had to put a timeframe on it...when would it be okay to say "hey, how are?".... after 6 months? A year?
Everyone is an individual and it takes people different times to get over certain things. Some people move on after several months, for others a year. In your case if you really would like to one day contact the ex?
(make sure you have thought about it, why did you break up? What has actually changed? etc)
Then it would probably be best when you could be 'a ok' with the other person if they were in a happy relationship without becoming jealous or angry. Probably when you no longer think of your ex every day of your life, when you no longer harbour feelings of hurt, jealousy, anger, desire, fantasy and you see them as no more than the past.
In my case I would like to contact my ex in my fantasys...but realistically I don't think it would accomplish anything. Every day which goes by goes quicker and quicker and every day it gets easier and easier. No longer is she on my mind 24/7 but odd flashes and small I wonder if shes there or 'what would happen if I met her scenarios in the future.' I think Ill be happily over it by next year.
Maybe then I will contact her but should I really? No...She was the dumper.
You may think its trite to say never or when you are strong enough but honestly its the truth. If you are still in love with that person and want to be with them in a romantic sense still then it is not the right time to contact them.
You can start a friendship again when the idea of kissing them makes you disgusted and the desire to be their girlfriend has completely diminished. When that happens you can call.
Samesame. I wouldn't make any more attempts ever again. You have tried just like I have, you exhausted every way to win her back. Over and over again. Your story is very similar and we are both in just about the same boat right now. Yes, we were abandoned like a puppy on the side of the highway. We tried to win them back. We know how to advise each other, just not ourselves. Don't ever plan on contacting her. If she cares then she will find you. As talaniman would say.
hey Sandstorm, I know you're right. But those moments of weakness just creep up on you. I still can't believe it ended like it did. Still hasent fully sunk in yet after six months!!! Every day I wake up I can't believe i haven't heard from her in so long, or how she can be so selfish and indifferent.
"If she cares she'll come back"? I think that's just another way to keep you going, because the truth is they won't come back. They rarely do. But that hasn't stopped me (and probably many of us) from hoping nonetheless.
"You have a wonderful life to live because of who you are and I
wish you could focus on you and living that life for you. I do hope one
day we are able to start over with all the right steps forward but for
now we have to learn to live for ourselves...I don't know how to do that
yet and I truly believe that is what will make me a better person to
live with if that makes any sense?"
That last paragraph of the email she sent you is something that is most likely messing with you. It basically says that someday she would like to try again. It is hard to destroy any of that hope you might have especially when she sends you a message like that. Also keep in mind. You say you are 6 months away from the break up but in reality all those months you spent trying to win her back and seeing her don't count. So you are really like only 2 months healed from the break. I'm 3 months out from my break up but only one month of no contact. But I can say that this one month of zero contact has helped me get back to person I was before I met her. Just keep telling yourself she won't be back.
I don't want to give you false hope but I am yet to see an ex of mine not make a re-appearance. I had some past relationships that ended tragically compared to my recent peaceful break up. But somehow they found me and tried to weasle their way back into my life. Looking to try again or take things slow, they would reappear and want to hang out. The best was when I was with my recent ex and an ex-ex from before tried to come back into my life. It was the best feeling in the world to let her know that I had met someone a million times better.
You have a wonderful life to live because of who you are and I
wish you could focus on you and living that life for you. I do hope one
day we are able to start over with all the right steps forward but for
now we have to learn to live for ourselves...I don't know how to do that
yet and I truly believe that is what will make me a better person to
live with if that makes any sense?"
That last paragraph of the email she sent you is something that is most likely messing with you. It basically says that someday she would like to try again. It is hard to destroy any of that hope you might have especially when she sends you a message like that.
Yes ^ So she proabably feels guilty, confused and cares about you in some way but doesn't want to pursue a romantic relationship with you anymore. End of! A dose of cold, harsh reality is needed. samesame you must get on with you and your life, you may never get over your ex and the pain she caused you but in time she will be a memory (a painful one In learning)
So sandstorm tell us about your ex's and how long you were together with them and how long did it take them to come back?
Just when you feel ready call her but don't say anything about getting back togeher just ask her how shes doing and how the family that kind of stuff. One of my really close friends had the same thing happen but she didn't want anything to do with him. I just ripped him up inside . When i ask him to call her she was happy to here from him and he couldn't stop thinking about her but he was happy. Anyways hope everything goes well.
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