What should I do about the money?

hungtoronto · Mar 18, 2010, 09:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jitterbug23

I don't REALLY need the money, it was from my savings, but obviously it is a lot, and would be nice to have. And if I don't get it back then it will be as if I am paying for her to have had fun with her new boyfriend when they were together.
I know we're not right for each other, and I know I have to move on, but this money thing is really stopping me from doing that.
What do you guys think?

Your situation is similar to mine. My ex owes me over 1000 as well but I gave her some and want the 1000 even. My head is telling me be a gentleman and give her all the money but I'll be kicking myself for not getting that money back when I am over her. I don't need the money neither. My suggestion is get it back if you can. You'll thanks yourself down the road.

amicon · Mar 18, 2010, 09:56 AM

You seem to have the right take on the breakup and that you should stick to no contact,so keep letting your mind rule your heart.

As for the money,I take it she hasn't mentioned anything about repayments?

I think she should have,as that's the decent thing to do.

The way I see it,it boils down to how important the money is to you.

Is it worth the constant reminder of the broken relationship if she were to make small repayments over a long period of time?

slapshot_oi · Mar 18, 2010, 12:54 PM

I don't know, how bad do you want the money?

You could take her to civil court if you wanted then the state would force her to pay it back all at once.

chickie543 · Mar 18, 2010, 02:25 PM

Is $400 dollars really worth having to keep talking to her?

Fr_Chuck · Mar 18, 2010, 05:30 PM

If she was going to pay it back and if you expected to get it back before you broke up, then you should still expect it back now.

If you really did not expect it back then, you should not now either

Cyberstar · Mar 18, 2010, 05:56 PM

It's the principle. Lending comes with the expectation that a repayment will follow in the future, unless terms change afterwards - otherwise, it's a gift. Plus, you claim that you can't get over her fully with that issue still outstanding. I would try to settle it.

Jake2008 · Mar 18, 2010, 09:21 PM

I would absolutely want the money back. You helped her out for a specific purpose- her rent- and she has repaid all but $400.00 of it, and she owes you this balance.

Just keep it polite. I would send her a registered letter, or an email that you can copy, and keep to the facts. Something like, "Hi, I don't want to have to do this, but I could really use the $400 left owing on the $1,000 I lent you for rent. The last time you paid on it was ______. Hope all is well with you, John Doe."

Then wait a month, send another letter, same request, only, you expect to receive the money by such and such a date. If it doesn't come, then you'll have to take her to small claims court and have them enforce collection.

I get the impression that once you and her were no longer an item, then that cancelled the debt in her mind. But it is no different than you leaving a Micky Mantle baseball card at her place, or a coin collection, or expensive jewellery. She knows she owes you the money. I'd go after it.

talaniman · Mar 19, 2010, 12:40 AM

I would have asked her what she was going to do about the cash, as soon as we had "mutually" broken up.

You have a right to collect what your owed, but when you ask her for it, have proof your collecting a debt. And her response to it. Emails, certified mail, something tangible to back up your word, in case she tells you to fvck off.

Thats what Judge Judy would be interested in seeing, if this ends up in small claims court. Or a signed contract, but of course it was "sure honey, here's the dough!"

Love is dumb like that.

jitterbug23 · Mar 19, 2010, 09:27 AM

I did expect the money back when we were together, but I know that she's going through some tough financial stuff at the moment and although we're not together, I don't want to cause her any more stress than she already has.
Thanks for the advice guys, I don't think i'll go as far as take it to court, because then all the good memories that I and she have of our relationship will be replaced by court details etc. I don't want her to hate me, but in the same way I don't want to look like a pu$$y by just letting her keep the money.
My biggest fear would be that I let her keep the money, and then she just forgets about it later on down the line.
FYI she had forgotten about the money, I reminded her by email a month ago and she apologised for having forgotten. I kind of thought she had forgotten anyway. She said it would take months for her to pay back the money because she's not earning. I don't want to have to keep talking to her for months while she's paying me back. I want to get on with my life.
If I let her keep the money, I would just say to her that I don't want to cause her any trouble and I'm going to call off her debt. But does that make me a pu$$y? Other people have said that she's manipulating me, but I don't think she's like that, she's too nice for that.

What should I do about the money?

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