I hope I can tell my story without being too harshly judged. Here goes. I have been with my girlfriend for 10 months now. We both left our marriages for each other. We had an amazing connection and fell in love very quickly. After a few months my girlfriend broke up with me. She claimed that she felt overwhelmed. She was worried about dealing with her ex (splitting assets, selling house) while she was seeing someone. I was very hurt, and begged her to take me back. After a week we were back together. She didn't treat me very well afterwards. She was distant, didn't make much time for me, yet expected me to be at your beckin call when she needed me. After 3 or 4 weeks she left me to return to her husband. Her house was in the process of being sold. I was devastated again. I once again begged her to come back to me. She left her husband again after a week and I jumped at the chance to be with her again. She said that she had made a mistake and wanted me to forgive her, move in with her, she never stopped loving me etc..
Around Christmas while we were at a Club, she was very disrespectful towards me. She caused a scene, I stormed out, she didn't chase me. I came back and she was dancing and having a good time. We argued some more and she began crying in front of everyone. She told me I was emotionally abusive, and that she could be happy without me etc. The next day she was very apologetic. I felt very depressed and helpless. I couldn't do anything right. Our relationship was strained after that. After XMas I went to see a therapist because I was having panic attacks. When I informed her she seemed angry and not concerned over my well being. She quickly broke up with me the next day.
This time I did my best to accept it. There was limited contact for a few days. Until, she began emailing me and telling me how much she missed me and needed me. I was reluctant at first, but, eventaully I went back. After only 2 days she asked me what we were going to do. I didn't know what she meant. She told me that she felt as though she needed to be single and make it on her own. I was no longer shocked. I left her the next day. I thought it would be permanent this time. I began talking with my ex about our split. We talked about trying again. My girlfriend found out and suddenly wanted me back. Like an addiction I went back with my girlfriend. Ever since she has been all over me. Never wanting to be away from me. Needing to hear how much I love her. She now wants a house, and children with me. Claims she is sorry for hurting me. She was confused, and concerned about what other people thought of her, including her ex. The problem is, I no longer trust her. I stopped long ago. I feel like I have been the victim of abuse. I have been stressed for so long, I no longer know what a normal life is anymore. I feel smothered and trapped. There are so many qualities that I love about her. I care about her very much. But, I don't feel like it can ever work because of all that has happened. I also think she has emotional problems I can't help her with. Her parents divorced when she was in High School, her mother left, her father died 3 years ago from Aids. He was bi-sexual and she didn't know. Her brother is a drug addict and has emotional problems.
I resent her for hurting me so many times. I also resent myself for allowing it to happen. I can't believe I put up with so much. Do I suddenly start believing her? Has she changed? How does someone want to be single one day, and then want to have children with you a week later. She claims she has decided that she wants me. Does she want me to save her? Is she dependent on me? I think about leaving her all the time, but, I am afraid I will regret it. I feel like I am chasing a shooting star. This funny, beautiful, lively person that I can't catch. What should I do? I need advice to help me find out what I want. I feel paralyzed.

talaniman

Save yourself the confusion, and drama, by cutting all contact with her, and being single for a while, as you find out how to love youself, and discover what you need to make you healthy, and happy. You can slowly build a life that you enjoy, without her in it. Be patient, and learn how to love yourself.

HistorianChick

She's not a shooting star, sweetie, she's a mirage. Looks perfect, but when you finally get to the point where you think the mirage is, it is gone....

This is a very difficult situation. She has played with your heart so much that you've lost a good portion of it to her and her games. But you know what? Its still yours. You can control what's left of it.

Yes, you gave your heart to her, you gave up your marriage for her, all you ever wanted was a "happily ever after," you gave up so much... but you still have you. You still have your sense - you recognize that this is a toxic relationship and you're wanting advice.

My advice? You need to stop chasing the mirage and start searching for the oasis. Stop running after and pursuing a dream... rather, focus on the reality of your situation. She is using you. She is tearing your heart up. She obviously is not ready to commit to what you need. She is not the one for you.

Do as Tal has said and start to build your life for you. Build your own oasis... don't focus on the mirage.

I wish you the best, my friend. Matters of the heart are never easy, but you will get through this and come out stronger, better, and more appealing to a wonderful lady, made just for you.