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for all of you who read my other one, guess what, he broke up with his girl friend, so i was wondering how long you guys think we should wait before getting into anything relationship wise, my friend says 2 weeks, do you agree?
I read your other post, http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...ove-37950.html
I didn't think it right at that time for you to be spending so much time with some one who was already commited as he seemed to be cheating on his g/f with you. (just friends? yeah right) The likely hood of the same thing being done to you is quite high, so I advise you to leave him alone. You of all people know what he is capable of, and would you as his new g/f mind if he was just a friend to another female, as he was to you? Think hard about this. Do you see any red flags here or not? Be honest with yourself.
It is wishful thinking at best and your belief in what I call "terminal uniqueness" that says, "Oh, but not me!" It is foolish to say "But this time will be different" when there is nothing substantially tangible supporting that premise. This is supposedly how "love makes us blind" but I contend we blind ourselves first by willfully squeezing our eyes tightly shut just before we dive right in. LOL Its a kind of "I want what I want so be damned the reality of it" approach. Forgive me but I have yet to see that work out.... it certainly didn't for me. If becoming aware of the bigger picture and learning to accomodate that is what you mean by "smart ones", then perhaps we are -- is it not better to hear this from those who succeeded since they obviously did what worked? (Winks at Tal)
well first things first, I love him a hundred times more now then when i posted my first question. Also things with his girlfriend had been pretty bad for a long time, we never did anything "more then friendly" when we were together. Also im the only one he's done this with, so please take this into consideration, and no that i'm not going to leave him, and definanlty not now. Also to point out neither of you answered my question.
Location: United Kingdom - usually cold and wet here!
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Hi Blueshadow,
Read your previous thread..
To answer your question, I don't beleive that him entering into a relationship with you 2 weeks after he splits from his ex is a sensible option. Could this then be a rebound relationship. He needs time to sort out his feelings, why rush from one relationship to another? What issues are there in his current relationship which are going to be automatically solved by simply jumping into a new one so fast.
I am not questioning the fact that you may be a good alternative to his current partner, because I don't know enough about the situation to give a critical opinion about it.
I think you cannot ignore the fact that he has been at least in an emotional sense, cheating on his current g/friend with yourself. I am not suggesting anything more is happening but when someone is showing so much attention to another person while still in a relationship, this is certainly not a good sign for future behaviour.
What I am saying is that the character traits he is showing now by not being honest with his current girlfriend, are a good indication of how he would treat you in similar circumstances in the future should things start to fall apart.
At the end of the day, it is your choice if you start a relationship with him so soon, but beware of the signs and try to step back and view this from the point of view of his current girlfriend and perhaps put yourself in her position??
for all of you who read my other one, guess what, he broke up with his girl friend, so i was wondering how long you guys think we should wait before getting into anything relationship wise, my friend says 2 weeks, do you agree?
No. This is too build up your emotions by having you count the minutes. Sorry but I've seen too many people played like this before. But you love him and believe anything he says so only you can find out the truth. Pay attention to the red flags. Sorry you don't think I answered your question before or you didn't want to hear what was written. He is a player and a good one. Be careful.
If you have read my posts, my advice is about healing from disastrous relationships. Getting healthy is so important to making good decisions about ones life and happiness. If you've read other posts in the relationship forum, the posters come here to know what they should do to get over a lost love or how to recover. In your case, if you reread the other responses they see it as I do. From what you have posted you have been hanging around as a friend, because you were hoping for more. The same with your previous posts. Reread them both and the responses you got and then tell me I am the only one to come to the conclusion that this is not a healthy friendship let alone has a chance for a happy ending as a relationship. Seems everyone can see the red flags but you. Sorry No on is here to tell you what you want to hear but everyone will give their opinion based on what you have written. In the end it is your call. So don't be upset with me or anyone else because they don't see it the way you do. All I want is for people to know that they can be healthy and happy.
again you neatly dodged my question well done. And also im not upset by your replys, don't think i havn't seen these flags too and i worry also about how our realationship would work out and if it would last, but i guess i came here looking for hope and all a found was reason to despair.
Your question was is two weeks too soon. Damn straight it is too soon. Yes, it is too soon. You wanted an answer and now you have it. Right. Well I think you should wait. Longer. Although it is your final decision on what decisions you make for your life just remember. The decisions you make now will have an effect on your future good or bad.
Joe
Even if there are bad experiances. I do believe it creates charactor as long as there is learning involved in these life lessons. Some people like to learn the hard way.
i came here looking for hope and all a found was reason to despair.
No blueshadow, there is no reason to despair at all Just think about what you do before you do it. Information is always there for us to use, but we have to use good judgement and we must be healthy to begin with. I actually hope some one comes back and tells me how wrong I am, and how happy they are. That would make my day. Again I say do what you must, its your life, just be careful. As for my story ,Just click on my name and read the information.
The only reason I felt qualified to answer is I believe I have been where you are. I recognise what you are doing by having done it myself. And what I learned (and painfully too) I shared with you here. If you don't feel that is applicable, so be it. But that does not change or diminish what I experienced. I eventually found a way to be more honest with myself which resulted in a less competitive approach to love. It was then that I found who I have been with for almost two decades now -- happily married for the majority of it.
I hear you think you finally have a shot with this guy. You're happy about that and seem pretty compelled to go for it. But can you ever be secure knowing deep in your heart how you "got him" and what if someone just like you comes along and sets her sites on him? That is food for thought, like it or not.
While its okay to disagree that any of this fits your situation, please know that I believe our posting here is only with the best of intentions, especially since we do it for free. My hope for you is you learn whatever it is you need to to find love and happiness regardless if that makes my answer the "right" answer. You deserve to be happy. I never questioned that-- just the path you're taking to get there.
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