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I have this fear in the back of my mind that if I step out on faith and leave my abusive husband of ten years, that I will be alone forever. I have been with this man since I was sixteen years old, I am twenty eight now. That is a long time. Of course I would not want to jump in to a relationship with a man right away, but I know someday I will want to. What if nobody wants to be with me, and I have to just sit back and watch him move on? I know that this sounds ridiculous, but it is really how I feel. I think that all the years of verbal abuse and physical abuse have really impacted my self esteem. Sometimes, I just wonder what the heck is wrong with me... I mean, I am not unattractive by any means. I know that.. The point is, what if there is no one out there who would be interested in me?. I have friends who are just average looking, who get hit on all the time. No one ever approaches me...(although I have been told I look mean...lol) What do you guys think?
What is worse being alone and missing having the positive benifits of a loving relationship.
or
Being alone in an abusive relationship and missing having the postive benifits of a loving relationship.
Only you can really answer this. But instead of thinking what if i dont meet someone else. Take the view that you will never meet anyone else. In that case if you still feel that being on your own for the rest of your life is better than your present curcumstances ! Then you need to leave your present curcumstances.
(by doing it this way, you are leaving with the right frame of mind and the confidence to be on your own).
We are born alone and we die alone. There is no guarantee of having someone in your life inbetween. Plan for the best case but prepare for the worst case.
Probably not what you want to hear, but leaving someone in the hope that you will meet another leads for you to forget the abusive past and see the ex with rose colured glasses and going back with them and into an even worse situation, just because you did not meet another.
Get out straight away...
I was in that position and I was a guy who was with a girl for four years she constantly argued and through stuff at me harassed me but I kept around caUSE I LIKED THE ACTION AND HAD FUN WITH MY MATES. She left me for another guy and i was devastated was so upset telling myself I will neve find anyone else my life is doomed. Well 6 monts later I found a girl who was too good to be true. She was trustworthy and caring and thoughtful. I couldnt believe what i had been stuck in for four years. Not saying you will find someone but I would definately give it a go cause you will. Dont just jump straight in to the first guy you will meet a few check out their character and how they treat you any abusive sighn toss them to the curb. You wont believe how good it can feel to be in love with someone who has your interests with them Amazing....
I cant tell you to leave it will be a hard decision but its better to be alomne than in an abusive relationship cause in another years it will only get worse and let be tell you abusive guys are normally cheating as well. GETOUT NOW
You are correct, that it is a long time. I am sure that the abuse of whatever kind has affected your self-esteem. Anyone who abuses someone who loves them is going to leave an impact on that person. Obviously, you are very thoughtful and reflective because of the way that you have worded your post. I am glad that you are reaching out.
Already you are doubting yourself that because you are thinking what is wrong with you. I am sure that nothing is wrong with you. You and this person just may not have been meant to be with each other. I mean, look at how young you were when you became committed to each other. Yet, you still had not had the opportunities to carve out your niche in life as far as who you are as single persons do, normally at about age 18 to 24.
You do not have to sit back and do nothing. Others will notice this post and give you good advice.
You are still young, and as you say, "not unattractive by any means." If I were you, I'd work on the fact that you have been told that you look "mean." Maybe you do because of the abuse that you have suffered. Hard to hide that from friends. One of first impressions that people have of you is how you look, not necessarily by what you wear or how your make-up or hair is, but how you look on your face. One way to show who you are, no matter what you are wearing, make-up or clothes, is to simply shine a smile.
Please remember that "the best mirror is a friend's eye." Can't hide things from friends who really care about and love you. Listen to them and work on the person that you want to be.
I think that it is time for you to take a stand and be the person that you want to be.
There are many fish in the sea. There will be others, with the same interests as you, who will want to share of themselves and be together with a person such as you. But, the choice is yours as to reaching out and seeking out those who are like yourself. A basic law of physics is that water seeks its own level. It is very much the same with people.
Believe it or not you are still young enough to leave this bozo, and heal from his abuse, and see how rich life can be. Don't worry about finding some one, because healthy, happy positive people attract a lot of attention.
The fears you are expressing are they years of your husband talking. He has told you over and over that you are not worthy. Not good enough. And somewhere inside of you - you have started to believe that.
You may not get hit on because you wear a wedding ring. Not because you aren't pretty.
There is someone out there for you. Someone that is going to make you feel like every woman should.
But, before that can happen - you have to learn to love YOURSELF again.
I have had this conversation with a friend of mine. And I will tell you what I told her.
YOU CAN DO THIS! You are smart, funny and beautiful. You are going to be JUST FINE! Believe in yourself. Never let the words of that man come in your head again. YOU CAN AND WILL DO THIS! You deserve to be happy. You deserve to feel good. You deserve to look in the mirror and LIKE what you see.
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