What does it mean when your ex gives you updates of his life with his fiancŽe to you

If talking to this married man makes you miserable, why keep doing it? There is no hope for love or romance, and he is talking to you behind his wife's back. What can be gained by keeping him in your life period?

You are the one who is miserable and he is not, so what is it you want from him now?

You are right Tal..I don't need anything from him...when I started talking to him...nothing was in my mind, I was sure that I am over this person..and talking to him will not effect me in any way...but I was wrong...I am feeling really bad...its like the strength I gained in so many months has started to vanish all of sudden...I have understood now that I can't be his friend at any stage of life...no matter how strong I feel I have become...I will always be weak when it comes to him...I still feel bad with his wife's presence in his life..and I am in fix now..how to convey this to him...that I don't want to continue with this friendship...especially when he doesn't say anything bad in this period...he will surely ask so many questions...
Tal..one question was coming to mind when I started feeling like this...and I didn't get any answer...I am sure you can help me with it... Tal..I loved this man more than anything..and whatever happened you know all...he was the one who left me...the reasons I still don't know...that's fine..but he wanted me back as his friend...I refused for long...now what he thinks of me...of our relation ... I mean no one hide his/her friends with his partner...am I right here...and if he sees me just as a friend as he behaves and says then why he is hiding this friendship from his wife... Am I on the way of becoming what he wanted me to be earlier...his mistress? I hate this...I won't be able to handle this kind of insult...I can't...
Please throw some light on this issue...is it only a thought of my mind... Or it could be the fact from his side...

Hi Broken,

I can see no other reason that sex driving his motives, no matter what else he says.

Please just cut it off with him, the past is the past can't be changed only today and tomorrow hold change.

Stringer

I don't know what's on his mind, but I do know that people use the friend thing to keep people close to them for their own purpose. It would be up to you to stay out of situations that can harmful to you. That's the focus, no matter what his motives are.

Its a red flag when a married man keeps secret contact with a female. I would think if everything was straight honest, and above board, he wouldn't be sneaking around behind her back. If you feel used, you probably are.

The sooner you let him be. The sooner you can leave this behind you.

Forget the notion of getting some kind of answers why. That's a fools game.

Never contact him again. And if he tries, don't respond.

Hes made his decision. Now you make yours. To move on. That will give you closure.

And the strength to be happy again. Trust me.

Absolutely, yes. You are lying to yourself if you think otherwise.

I'm going to be a bit harsh, because this has been going on so long.
Why you take this guy's calls is beyond me.

He cheated on you; he dumped you for someone else; and now he wants to be "friends" with benefits, whenever he can talk you into bestowing those bennies.

If you cannot resist him, you may as well go camp out on his wife's doorstep and bring all the drama to a head.Otherwise, you are just going to be writing the same letters about the same thing 25 years from now. You will have wasted your whole life on this guy.

If you don't have enough self respect and sense of self preservation to just walk away, and if you really want to end this, call his wife and tell her what he calls you all the time and won't stop. I am betting he'll stop calling you because he'll be so angry with you for spoiling his fun.

I questioned him why hides me from his wife..to which he replied his wife knows about me a little..only that I am a friend of his...nothing more..but still he doesn't want to talk to me in front of his wife because he don't want his wife to know what relation we actually had in past...and he doesn't want any kind of mess...and he sees me as a good friend of his and nothing more...I am bit of confused now...because whenever I listen to all of you...I am fully convinced with what all you say...but he says and behaves exactly opposite...and now the recent one I got job and my office is located adjacent to his office building...door by door you can say...I have told him that I am not comfortable in meeting him...to which he said take your time...he said he feels that I am still having feelings for him..which he says is not good and I should come out of those feelings and if needed he will help me in this...now how can help me in this...when we were on NC...he tried almost everything to break that...and now when we are talking he is saying all this...
Earlier he used to say in clear words that he wants me in his life as his girl along with his wife...but his words have been changed now...he haven't said anything wrong till date...but I don't want to get trapped in anything...I am not experienced in the world of romance..this guy was the first one in my life...and I am very bad in judging people too...
I know I don't have any future with this guy...and I don't want to get involved with him again...which I cleared him too...he behaves so innocently that it becomes difficult for me to be harsh to him....I know its been a very long time...and I am still stuck up in all this...I want a good future too..a respectable life...but I am not getting the way to deal with him....

Tell him that it is over.

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Stringer again.


Harshness warning

Do NC properly! What part of no future with a married man is it you don't understand? What part of NC is it you don't get? You are so confused when he talks to you, SO STOP TALKING TO HIM, DUH!

This is about you dealing with your own feelings in a mature way, and that's what NC is about! That's how you heal, grow, and learn, for your own good, NOT HIS! Screw him. (oops, bad choice of words) He is but keeping you confused as he grooms you to be his long term chick on the side, that's what he will help you with, accepting to service him when he needs to be serviced.

End of rant

I met him yesterday...we talked to each other for 5 minutes..he said he wants to meet me again...after few hours I gave him call and he behaved so strange..like he was avoiding me..and he was out alone... I understand there is no future.. And here I don't want to lie you all...when I met him for a minute I felt the same I used to feel before.. And I am actually feeling good...I couldn't sleep the entire night...that 5 minutes I spent with him was flashing in my eyes... Earlier I was scared of him...but now I am not...I was happy to see him after a very long time...I know it can have very bad consequences...but I couldn't resist him... Its all becoming complicated now...I am stuck between right and wrong...I don't want to be someone for his fun like you all said and at the same time , I want to meet him again.... But only talking to him would mean something else.. I am feeling good without any reason...can't we be in touch just as friends...or NC would be better option for both of us...may be I am not able to see what everyone can...my heart is getting out of control...I want to see him again and again but I am trying to control this...my heart is saying one thing and mind is saying another...