Advice needed Please

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2 1/2 years ago a co-worker set me up with this Gal at work, she works in a different part of the building and I rarely see her, she is 43 now and I am 47, she is a person who believes very strongly in her Catholic faith.
Well we started seeing each other, (my girl is from Vietnam, been is the US for the last 15 years) when I first met her 2 1/2 years ago she was living with a guy named Jeff, and she said they were just Friends, she had met him at church when she was going through depression because her dad died and was feeling bad because she broke up with her boyfriend William, she moved in with William when she left her husband (more on Will later)

She said Jeff was there for her when she was in the hosiptal for a week because of her depression, then he went through depression because things were getting nasty with his ex wife and kids, so she moved in with him to help him get through his bad time becasue he had helped her.

She said she liked him at first but her feelings went away, and then he started having feelings for her but she said she did not feel the same way for him anymore, she told me this (because I pushed it ) before he asked her to go to Mexico with him and his 2 sons, she told me he was taking her to thank her for helping him through his bad time and that he was paying for it using his world perks and that is why she went, so it was like it was free, I was not happy about it but I trusted her, she had her own room she said.

After knowing her for a year she moved out from Jeff and got her own place, after going out a few times we became physical, and I found out when she drinks she becomes very easy, not to say she was drunk all the time when we were physical but most of the time, and that was a concern. and the physical stuff she liked very much.

After a few months I thought things were going pretty good, but she always said "we are not dateing" because of her not having a anulment, which was weird because we were sleeping together, going on trips, doing things with my Mom and Dad, I would call that dateing.

She always said she was waiting to hear back from the church about the anulment, well after a year I asked her why is it taking so long and she confessed she never followed up with more paperwork to get it going in the past and so it was not happening, she said she was afraid to go back and have to give details as to why her marrage failed, she cried when she told me this, I was upset, but she was not yet ready to get it going again.

During most of our time together she would become depressed at times when we had sex because it was wrong because it was against God, I understand how she felt, the sex did not help us. but it would happen at times. she told me she was very physically attracted to me many times.

I thought things were going good at times and at other times not sure, she would email me alot and we would talk on the phone every day, at times she said she missed me, and there were times she would almost vanish for a few days, but twice during our 2 1/2 years together she told me her feelings were not as strong as mine and did not know if they would ever be and that maybe I should not wait for her, I told her she was worth the wait and so we kept seeing each other.

Well this May she told me she had to let me go, I was very hurt, but she always wanted to be my friend, I know how important her faith is and she had told me at times she was thinking of being a Nun.

In early June she sent me a email saying " the men that want me dont thank God for having me and that I am ahead of them in my faith", that made me feel good, but thought who are these men ?

I found out that Jeff had asked her to marry him in June and that if she did not he had a mail order bride he was going to marry, and my source told me she turned him down, I also learned he asked her to marry him about 6 months after I met her, I still dont think there was anything going on with him after she met me, but maybe, they did alot of things together and I never did feel good about that, but she had always said they were just friends, now I think there was something between them physical at least before I met her.

This Aug she told me that she was back with William, she had told me he had been after her for awhile, a year ago she met him and some of their friends and he said he loved her and wanted to marry her, she told me her feelings were gone. But now she could not hold the feelings back and she feels he is the only one she could ever love in the last 6 years, she said she tried with me but could not get the stronger feelings.

She lived with him for 2 years 4 years ago and said she left him because he did not believe in God and she was not living the way she should, and that he had a drinking problem that was very bad and that he verblly abused her, so she left him.

She says he has now changed and they love each other very much and he is back with God, they both had issues before she said and they were putting that behind them, he is 55 and a collage professer, 12 years older than her.

Well a few weeks ago she called my place one night and I was not home and she did not leave a message (she was on the caller ID) then she called my friend at his work and told him she is engaged, but their was something wrong and asked that if William could get on the phone and explain, well William said the was on the board of directors at the school and now that she was going to marry him the union officials were looking into her cell phone records and there were many late night calls to my house and my friends work, and he did not want any type of Bill Clinton scandal, so they needed to find out what these numbers were, my friend told him who he was and then told him that my number he asked about was were he lived and William was happy with those answers, But I live there too, I wish my friend would have told him who I was, oh well, I am thinking if I was home when she called she would of hung up, I dont think she would of put him on the phone with me, nobody I have told this story believes it, it sounds like he does not have much trust and that he went though her calls.

I also found out that she has moved in with him, I dont know why she is in such a hurry, I think she should wait to see if he has really changed.

I saw her leaving work a few weeks ago and she was walking so slow to her truck, she looked bummed, she emails my friend and says she needs allot of prayer and that she is back in the church chior, but she will not be able to sing all the time becasue William wants her with him, but my friend said she seems happy.

I have not talked to her in a month and yesterday ran into her when we were both leaving work, she was happy to see me and gave me a big smile and we just had small talk, I said I have not heard from you and she said she has not heard from me, after talking for 10 mn she had to go and said "talk to you later".

I am suprised that she is so far in with this guy knowing how guilty she was about being physical with me and now she is living with the guy.

I love her very much and she knows I wanted to marry her, and I told her 6 weeks ago that if she ever needed anything or a friend she can call me anytime. she has brought so many good things into my life and I have never been so I love before, she is a very special women, she has such a big heart and cares allot about people, she loves my parents and they miss her very much. I am thinking she will contact them again some day. Sometimes she would only go out if they came with, I think part of it was she did not trust herself being alone with be becasue we would maybe end up having sex. I treated her very good when I was with her, when she left she said my love for her is so pure that she wishes I did not love her so much becasue I am hurting so bad.

Bottom line is I love her so much and I understand she has to follow her heart and see if it can work out with William. a friend who is a couples consoler told me if I ever want a chance to be with her again, she would have to break up with William (which he thinks will happen,) and she will need a friend then and maybe she will look at me in a different light if I can be that friend, but I thought right now maybe I could be a email friend if I can leave my feelings out of it, he says I am not ready for that, but I think I could. I know I have to move on and make myself better and I have been doing that, should I leave her alone as in No contact ? do you think she will be happy with William, having 3 guys want to marry her on such a short time must have been a lot to deal with, what do you think about all this ?



I think I just need to walk away and if she comes back some day and I am there then maybe, Can someone get stronger feelings later on ? I know she is going to be in touch with my friend and he said she will not forget me if she needs a friend and knows how to reach me, My friend is worried about what she is doing to, but he said he cannot tell her what he thinks, he only will if she asks, do you agree with that? he thinks that will push her away if he just comes out and says he does not agree with all she is doing

Some tell me to stay away and lf she comes back it will have to be on her own, and others say keep in touch because we will already be friends if she needs me.

I am thinking I cannot push her away by not doing anything, (and I know she is far away from me ) and can maybe do harm by emailing because my feelings will come out, I think I can control that, but most think I cannot, I knows she cares a great deal for me but she is not in love with me, maybe someday. Please tell me what you all think ?

lynxwizard

Them is my parents, in few days I will be going away for 2 weeks so that will do me good, You are right I have to give this time, It will take a long time to play out I think, I know she would have to break up with him and then hopfully if that happens I will be there for her and maybe she will look at me in a different light if I can be just a friend and leave my feelings out of it, I know the chances of all this taking place may be slim, but i have to have faith

Foxy459459

Now your talking right. And i think your 2 week trip will do you good. You need time to clear your head with everything. Keep your faith and never give up on what you want out of life, and always follow your heart. Just in a smart way which i think you already know.

lynxwizard

Thanks Foxy, I am working on my faith and I am not giving up on her. I am in no big hurry and they say the best things in life are worth waiting for, but there is nothing I can do about them, if they break up it will happen on its own, I cannot interfere, that would really push her away

Foxy459459

You are so right about that one, i mean about not interfering with breaking them up, because if she found out then i dont think she would talk to you again, you have to let time take its course, and you know i was telling myself the same thing just last night (The best things in life are worth waiting for.) Me and my BF have been together for 14 months almost it was real rocky at times but he is the best man i have ever met. And i love him with all my heart and then some. Yet he has not told me that he loves me yet, due to the fact that i think he is so scard of his feelings twards me because he was in a really bad relationship for a really long time. So i think he is scard to actually admit it. I know he does love him, i just want to hear him say it and do not want to pressure him in to it. You know what i mean? I have a good feeling that things are going to work out for you, you just have to give it time...

lynxwizard

Thanks Foxy, I hope things work out for you. Just before she left work yesterday she sent me a Email asking me to send my dad her best regards, I told her he was having cataract surgery today, and she said she hoped I have a good night, so I guess that was nice, Foxy would you please answer these questions as to what you think ? I wonder why she has not told me she is engaged, my friend who she told a few weeks ago emailed her 2 weeks ago saying she should be the one to tell me (he did not tell her he told me) but she never answered that question, just talked about other stuff, is it because she does not want to hurt me ? or maybe she is not 100% sure about it ? When I ran into her I did see she is not wearing a ring, but maybe that is because her Catholic faith does not allow a engagment until you have a anulment which takes about a year or more to get ( so I guess that is good) and also I have not let on that I know she is living with him, should I be quite that I know that ? and Foxy what do you think about this guy she is with ? My friend who is the coupels consoler says to me, just let it go and have a stronger faith that God will bring us together, and he really believes things between them will fall apart, he just says watch and see, they may even make it to marrage but it will not last, him and a few others have told me that he is not the guy for her and in the end that will come out, they keep telling me to let go and let God work and to have the faith.

Foxy459459

Listen to your friends they have a good point. I dont think she told you that she was engaged because she is afraid to tell you because she still has feelings for you, and i think if she knows that you know that she is enganged then i thinks he will be afraid that you will give up, and not talk to her. Dont let on that you know, let her be the one to tell you about everything. I dont know much abuot this guy, just that she needs to make the decision about him. No one can make up her mind for her, just believe what your friend tells you to have faith in what you believe in, if its ment to be then god will make it happen.

lynxwizard

Wow, so you think she really has feelings for me Foxy even tho shes with another ? Is that what you mean Foxy ? when we were together it was like a yo yo, sometimes she would tell me she missed me, other times she was distant, one time she sent me a letter when I was out of town, she woke up at 2 am and wrote she was thinking about me and hoped I was safe and said she missed me, and signed it Love, that was 10 months ago, my best friend who she has talked to and emailed said he knows she cares about me very much. one thing I am not sure about, I have a few options. option 1 my consoler would not approve of me sending her the prayer book, he would say I am interfering with Gods plan, so I have not told him I am thinking about doing that, Option 2, and my friend who is in touch with her says its ok if I send it anonymons. Option 3, I was going to send it with a little card just saying I just want whats best for her and i will always be her friend, but I have told her this in the past, for some reason I feel I need to again, but I am thinking she already knows, what should I do Foxy ?

lynxwizard

P.S are you saying she may still be thinking about me for a future ?

Foxy459459

I think you should send her the book, with the card saying "Seen this thought of you, just wanted you to know i was thinking about you, and if you ever need anything let me know? I will always be here if you need anything. Thats what you should say to her.....

Foxy459459

She maybe