What to do when you're in love with two brothers?
Asked Jun 22, 2012, 06:42 PM
Basically, Two brothers and I have known each other since we were between the ages of 8-12. The youngest brother was 8 yrs old, I was 11 years old, and the oldest brother was 12 years old. Our parents were good friends. I use to have the biggest crush on the oldest brother and the little brother had a crush on me, but he was to young. The oldest brother ended up going out with my cousin, who was his age. He told me I was to young. So we all just remained friends. As we all grew up, I became really close with the oldest brother. Once I graduated high school my mother passed away, and the oldest brother stepped up and became like an older brother to me. He has always been there for me making sure I am okay, he just really filled the role of an older brother i never had. We would talk on and off for periods of time, but when ever we talked we were really close. I mean so close to the point were there is nothing that i haven't told him or he hasn't told me. We don't judge each other he is truly my best friend. Now this is where it gets complicated.
Now we are all in our twenties, little brother is 21, I am 24, and older brother just turn 26. So at the beginning of this year, big brother began to flirt with me a lot, but i figured it was just because normally he would have had a few beers. So i didn't pay any attention. Then a few times we were on the phone, his little brother would be in the back ground asking to say hey to me or speak to me. He would give him the phone and we would have a little conversation. The last time little brother spoke to me on big brothers phone he asked for my number, and I gave it to him. I just told him don't act stupid with my number, he said he wouldn't and he hadn't. Little bro and I began to become close because he games, and so do I. The beginning of our relationship was gaming, all we did was game game and game on the PS3. Then one day I had my homegirl over while I was gaming online with him and she basically wanted me to hook her up after finding out I was not interested in him like that. I mean come on he is like my little bro. So she hooked herself up with him. He really wasn't interested, but figured he would talk to her anyway. So they begin talking for about a week. My girl and I decide to go out to a club..it was suppose to be girls night out, but she switched the plans up and said we were meeting little bro at the club. All i could think is ooh no, because little bro has liked me all my life and has been trying to talk to me since we were kids so this can't be good. But when we all met up it was casual and the chemistry between all of us was normal. (Mind you, we have not seen each other in 4yrs) I expected it to be weird. The night was going good, until my homegirl asked me to entertain little bro. (her ex had called, and she wanted to speak to him) Her: My ex just called, could you entertain lil bro while i go to the bathroom
Me: Entertain? Yea, I will talk to him.
Her: No, I mean really distract him, so he doesn't notice i'm gone to long
Me: Umm what?
Her: Dance with him (pause, I'm looking at her crazy) Please, girl I would do it for you.
Me: (a lil pissed) okay..hurry up!!
So I walked over and we began to dance. We were smiling and dancing, smiling and dancing, and then something happened..Everything slowed down the music disappeared, and next thing I know our lips are locked. We back up ..like what the F*** just happened. My friend walks up literally seconds after, she's like i'm back lets dance. The rest of that night we just kept looking at each other while dancing with other people..well me with other people..him with her. I began to get really jealous..and I didn't know why. The next day i woke up and told myself last night never happened and if he brings it up i'm going to act like i don't know what he is talking about. Sure enough, he calls me and asks me if i remember what happened last night, and at first I lied. But something kept telling me to tell him the truth. The things i felt when i kissed him, was like nothing I had felt before. It was so unexpected. So i told him and we began talking after that.
Now being that I tell big brother everything, I was on the way to telling him, but little brother told me not to because he found out that big brother was mad. Mad that we all went to the club, because he knows how much little brother like me and he was afraid he would try to talk to me. Big brother stop answering my phone calls, then finally lil bro to big bro about us, and he told him " I am happy for you". Then when I speak to him he says "what is wrong with you? I know my brother is dumb, but this is just stupid. I expected more from you. I am disappointed in you" Then he goes as far as saying I can't speak to you for a few months, I need to process all of this. I was so scared of loosing my big bro, I agreed to let lil bro go. He was so mad, he moved out the house a week and a half after it happened, and didn't even tell me he was moving. All I could think of is i betrayed him, because years ago and i mean years ago he did tell me to never talk to his brother, and I said I wouldn't. Then recently he told me I was grown, and i can talk to whoever i want to talk to including his brother. At the end, i chose to talk to lil bro, and I said if big bro really loves me like a lil sis like he says..he would love me regardless.
So i begin to get suspicious because he was acting outside of himself. It was like big bro was a different person. He was speaking to me differently, and just really distant. I told lil bro how he was acting, and he began to tell me what he believed was going on. That big bro started to like me and the night we were at the club he was mad because he didn't want lil bro trying to talk to me. I was so shocked, but it all made since now. All of his flirting I ignored was real. All his playful gestures about us was real. I just never payed attention. After being shot down when we were kids, I never even thought about us being anything else until earlier this year. I thought i was tripping after a phone call we had, and I was thinking he might be the one. So i called my sister, and she told me I was tripping so I thought maybe I was. So i never said anything to him about it, but what if I had?
The next thing lil bro and I did was ask big bro separately if he liked me. He told lil bro "no..i don't like her" and he told me "no..i like you, but not like that".
I know big bro better than anyone else in this world and he never talks about his feelings. I always had to make him tell me what is really going on. So i did just that, and once i got him to talk he told me. Yes, I was jealous, Yes I had feeling for you. We talked for a good while that night, and i figured the conversation would bring us closer as bro and sis. We always talk about everything so i thought we were back to normal. We got it all out in the open. We like each other, but our feelings are null and void. I am still talking to lil bro and this is the way life is going to be.
Next thing you know, everyone is talking about our relationship. Big bro's parents didn't agree with me talking to lil bro. Their dad even told lil bro, that i was and always have been in love with big bro and to leave me alone. And their lil sister, told lil bro that he was going to be in trouble for talking to me with big bro, and she was going to tell. Now when did i become his property, and has everyone else always known something I didn't. Even all my friends kept telling me, I should have never talked to lil bro and I should have tried with big bro, but it was already to late. By the time I realized big bro had real feeling for me, I was already falling for lil bro.
Later on, lil bro and I took a break due to all the stress of everyones reaction to us talking. So one weekend my home girl and I went out to party. We could not find a place to go and in the mist of us looking for a place big bro calls me. He asks what i am doing and I tell him. He says well just come over to my new crib you said you wanted to see it and me and my homeboy has drinks if you want to drink. I'm like okay cool. I told my home girl, but she didn't want to go because she had a video shoot in the morning and it was to far from home. I ended up going by myself, and I had already been drinking. So i get to his house and we are all chilling on the patio just talking, laughing and drinking. Then the homeboy left so it was just me and big bro. All I remember is ..I was talking and then he started walking toward me with this look in his eyes. I figured the look was him being drunk. But it wasn't...he grabbed me and kissed me. I was so shocked, but i kissed him back. Then he back up, and I was stunned for a second..then i looked around for his homeboy..i don't know why, but i did. he said he went to sleep..don't worry about him. then he kissed me again..and once again i didn't stop him. this time when he backed up...all that love that i was always holding back from him came out. And I jumped on him like water in the desert. I couldn't control myself. It was so amazing. He then grabbed my hands, and lead me back to his room and the rest................... I fell asleep in his arms(mind you, I was really really drunk). I woke up the next more hung over, trying to figure out what i did last night. Then when big bro walked into the room...it all came rushing to me. I lost control of my emotions and i just began to cry. He kept asking me to stop crying, and apologizing because we were both drunk. But the pain was killing me.
On the way home he called and checked on me, and asked me to never tell his lil bro because he would never forgive him. I just felt so bad, angry, and confused.
Lil bro called me later on that day, and asked me what i did last night, and i couldn't even speak with him. A few days went past and i realized that if i really loved him the way i felt i did, then i had to tell him..at least i owed him that. So I did. I broke my promise to big bro and told lil bro what happened. He was so mad, hurt, sad and everything else at the both of us. Eventually we met up and talked about it, and he forgave me. Said he loved me too much to hate me, and he just wanted to be with me if i promised to never do that again. Now that is unconditional love. But once big bro found out I told he shunned me for life, and i haven't spoken with him in a month.
Now you are probably like whooaaa, WTF. This is crazy. Well yes its insane. Lets just say that when now I have had a taste of both worlds and they are equally beautiful. I miss and love big bro so much and I love lil bro. But lil bro wants me to be with him and i feel like i owe him that much. But i still love big bro. I love them both, and no i would never do anything like this again to either one, but its hard to be with either one of them because I am always going to be thinking about the other. And i know big bro hasn't spoken to me in a month, but he will eventually, and i don't know if I'm ready for that either. All i know is right now, i am so in love with lil bro, but when i go to sleep at night and my dreams take over..its big bro who is in them. What a mess i am in.
I've lost the longest friend i have ever had (my best friend/bro) who is also the one i fell in love with first, the one who was there for me when my world crashed,the one who knows me best in this world, the one who knows all of my secrets and loved me for me (until now) and the one who (when i was little) I believed i would marry. The one that i have been close to for 10+ yrs
I am with the one who stood up for how he felt about me, the one who always pursued me, the one who forgave the unforgivable, the one who makes me smile (now) and the one who is still here...even though its only been 3months. The one who just came back into my life and changed everything.
I don't know what to do or who i was really suppose to be with. or if i was suppose to be with either. I wish it could all go away. All i keep seeing is no matter which one i choose..someone will be hurt..including me. I love them both and now wish I would have never started to talk to lil bro, because thats where it all went wrong. I hate emotions and I'm really starting to hate love.
And please no negative comments..no one is perfect in this world..I am just as screwed up as the next celebrity we hear about.. We are all just looking for love..and most of the time in all the wrong place. Plus, its hard to help how you feel..especially if your an impulsive person. Thanks for your time.