This doesn't have anything to do with me specifically, but with all these threads about ex's wanting you back, or you wanting your ex back, is it ever a good idea to get back with an ex?

I mean, people grow apart, people change their minds back and forth, and certain events in life may rekindle feelings for someone in the past. Perhaps even a chance meeting, leading to coffee or lunch, may start up something which both parties thought had been put to rest. The thing is, reunions/second rounds DO HAPPEN, but the question is, is it healthy?

It's portrayed in movies all the time, and though movies should no way be taken as a map for conducting one's actions in real life, it's interesting how getting the ex back/second chances are the "happy endings" in movies. Perhaps there is a hidden, subconcious truth to this portrayal?

So for those of you who broke up, got dumped, or simply grew apart, do you think getting back with your ex is a possibility? A healthy one? Could it even be healthy?

Discuss!

BlazingCold

It depends on the people involved, but more often than not, it isn't a good idea. If the 2 people involved both felt that they couldn't invest their all into the relationship, and left amicably, there is a possibility. Otherwise, it's better to just move on and find someone else.

Personally speaking, My ex left me a month ago, giving me the usual lines. I haven't spoken to her since. At first, I wanted nothing more than to get her back, but she left, and there was nothing I could do about it. If we met up in some way, I wouldn't be angry or hurt (I've dealt with all of that too much already), just nice to her. Getting back with her isn't a possibility as she has just started dating again. Even if she wasn't, I wouldn't because I have to focus on myself and make me a better overall person, and not fall into the traps that led to the end of my last relationship.

In most cases, getting back with an ex will only cause both of you more grief and anguish. But there are a select few where it can work out.

Geoffersonairplane

I think that getting back with an ex is possible, in some cases depending on the circumstances surrrounding the breakup. You need to think about why it all ended in the first place...There is a reason why relationships end and before you can understand what caused the breakup, it would be unwise to even contemplate getting back with an ex because it may be something to do with the way you behaved.

For all the advice and support I have been given on here, I strongly object to thinking in this way, hoping and pondering on the possibilities of reconciliation. I spent the first 2 months doing this after my breakup and it did nothing to help me open my eyes to the reality of the situation.

She is gone, it is over!!!

O.K. Yes, there is always a chance that it will happen but living with this hope, waiting, can only hurt you more. You should spend more of your time thinking about how you can improve yourself rather than dwelling on the past and holding on to hope.

Is it healthy to get back with an ex? Probably not unless you (both) have made reasonable improvements or changes to yourselves so that you can make a fresh start free of the mistakes or issues from the past.. If neither of you is any different in terms of development or emotional maturity, then the reconciliation will just end in another failure.

You should never live with the hope that someone will come back into your life, you should live for yourself and for the future that will be, even if that does not include your ex.

For me, I will personally find Christmas and the New Year difficult because I spent the last 3 with my ex and this year I won't be around her. There is a possibility that I will slip back slightly and may wish she was there with me but I know there are a few others on this forum who will be going through the same thing, and yourself too I would imagine??

The hardest thing is to let go of this hope that the ex will come back, but it is essential that we all do this so that we can begin the healing process.

Sorry about the long answer, I get carried away!!!

Geoffersonairplane

Blaze,

I am impressed with how far you have come since a month ago. It really does sound like you are making progress and have followed the advice you have been given!!

Keep it up!!

Oh, and keep up the advice you are posting.. Not only is the advice good, but you are also expressing yourself and in doing so, you are actually helping yourself along too...

It's Great!!

tadano

The problem is it's all but impossible to "start over" with an ex. There's too much history there. You can pretend, but in the end all you're doing is hiding feelings, and that's never healthy.

I do think it's possible to get back together, but it has to be relatively soon after and the circumstances have to be just about perfect. Because every single day following the breakup you grow a little bit farther apart, and after a while, the gap becomes too great. It's impossible to stay in love with someone that you never see or talk to...eventually, all feelings dull and eventually fade away.

Wildcat21

It's a great idea IF there wasn't any lying, cheating, abuse (verbal as well), drugs and alcohol abuse.

But you need to figure out what pushed her away. Genrally it's insecurities and smothering.

I think you can fall in love again - but both sides need to change and work at it.

Wildcat21

No - it is healthy - people get back together every day.

Geoffersonairplane

Good points raised here..

I wanted to add though that once you have actually worked ou what it is that pushed them away and focused on you, at soem point you may get to a stage where you don't actually want the ex back.

BlazingCold

Geoff,

Thanks for the encouragement. The advice here is excellent, and it's made me into a better person already. Life isn't so scary anymore.

Great point. If the problem lies with you (insecurities and smothering were my problems) and you make a concerted effort to change, you may find that your ex is not longer appealing to you. I feel that I'm reaching that place, I'll always love her, but it's better for me to move on and find someone who really will be in love with me.

Wildcat21

If you get together ever again - you need to sit down and talk - for a long time. Set boundries. It can't back to what it was.