What to do during the breakup?

aly54 · Feb 21, 2008, 05:57 PM

My relationship of 4 1/2 years just ended about a week ago because she said she had not been single for years, but she loves me and still sees us together forever. She says that she doesn't really want to date, she just needs some time and likes the idea that could date if she wanted too. She said she needs to do this now, instead of later down the road if we are married or something.

I've talked to her friends and family and they all say she is miserable and they really don't even know why she did what she did. I couldn't even get a clear answer from her. I personally think its because her roommates all are braking up with their b/f's and coming to her to lean on.

I told her that I would not call her, that she would have to call me to get back together, because I want to give all the space she needs and time; her friend said that she was very happy that I understood and have been supportive of this.

Well its been about a week and a half now and I'm going crazy. She is too according to her family and friends, they said she feels so guilty for putting me through this and mad at her self even though she thinks she shouldn't be cause she wanted this.

What should I do? Keep the communication off? She has not called me at all or anything either, but it just sucks.

How long should I wait before I can safely move on? Like I said all her friends talk to me and then talk to her...she hasn't really even told them yet, but after they talk to her they all said they feel better and think we will be fine. They say she is deeply in love with me still and hates feeling like this but just wants to get it out now.

aly54 · Feb 22, 2008, 09:13 AM

I would love to talk to her, but I feel if I talk to her I will not truly be giving her the space she asked for and letting her know what its going to be like without me. I think by not communicating with her she will realize faster what she really wants.

duck22 · Feb 22, 2008, 11:00 AM

Hey aly54, my ex said the same exact things to me. We are both 20 and been together since we were 15. About a month ago she broke up with me at the beginning of our spring semester in collage. She told me that she loved me, that I was her best friend, and that she could sees herself marrying me. She gave me the same exact reasonings as yours did.

Quote:

Originally Posted by aly54

She says that she doesn't really want to date, she just needs some time and likes the idea that could date if she wanted too. She said she needs to do this now, instead of later down the road if we are married or something.

Naturally I was suspicious but I loved and trusted her so I reluctantly agreed to give her time and space to figure things out. It hurt but I figured this was only temporary and that we will be back together in no time. She would call and we would have "small talk," never wanted to discuss about "us" but assured me that she wasn't interested in anybody else. This went on for a little over a week until I got a call from a buddy of mine.

I found out that she is with another guy and had been since the day of our breakup. It was the worst pain I had ever felt. I called her and confronted her about it. Its been about 2 or 3 weeks since then but that was the last time we have spoken.

I do hope your situation is different but since I have been on this site they all seem to end the same. Listen to everybodys advice about going with NC. It also would be in your interest to read Isneezefunny, romefalls, wot2do, and ihatewestsenca's forums. They all have very similar stories and you can learn from them. I wish the best for you.

BMI · Feb 23, 2008, 07:12 AM

Aly, I know alot of people mentioned that these situations end up with the girl leaving for another guy. For what its worth, I don't think she left you for another guy, the information does not support that so its just speculation. For the love of God please don't go digging for information pertaining to that, better you let it alone. I never found out about my ex seeing anyone and I feel like I'm one of the lucky one's that got off easier b/c of that.

aly54 · Feb 23, 2008, 07:26 AM

thanks everyone just getting everything off my chest makes me feel a little better each time

s_cianci · Feb 23, 2008, 07:34 AM

Move on now ; don't wait. As long as she isn't there for you, don't waste your life waiting around for her. She may eventually call you or she may not. But go an live your life and be the captain of your own ship without waiting or depending on her.



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