What did you learn about yourself after a devastating breakup?

I learned these things:

1. Your significant other doesn't have to be your whole life.

2. You don't have to take care of them, they can take care of themselves

3. If none of my family or friends like him, there proly is a reason for it.

4. Last but not least Don't ignore those glarring red flags!

I want to share a story with you all and then tell you what I learned. My most recent ex that used to work in my building and her company moved her down two blocks to another building. I hadn't seen her in a few months since this happened and last week she came over to our building to eat lunch with a friend. The picnic table and benches are right outside my office window. There is a place to sit that is out of my view, and I happened to turn in my chair to look out the window and she was leaning over looking in the window at me. The moment our eyes met she sat back down out of my viewpoint.

To answer the question, what I've learned is no matter how much pain you go through, I think if your good enough at some point they realize the mistake they made. For me, that's good enough to call it closed and move forward emotionally. But you don't have to get to points like this, just accept it as fact.

1. There is no such thing as meant to be, the one, true love, or soul mates. There is only the love that you work hard for with your significant other. That in itself, is real love.

2. Love does not simply fall into place, that is infatuation. Love takes hard work, and as soon as one fails to do so, it will crumble as a whole.

3. Communication and honesty are the key foundations to a loving relationship. Both must be present or all will fail.

4. If you are not focused on your significant other for companionship, you are cheating. If you feel the need to hide your conversations with another man from your partner, you are cheating.

5. When looking for a life partner, search for compatibility instead of acceptability

6. You can't try to change a person to someone you want, you must accept the person for who they are. You can only change yourself.

7. Aim to strive for a better you, but don't let another person change who you are.

8. NEVER EVER pressure or guilt your loved one into doing something they don't want to. Do not emotionally blackmail them by making them feel guilty.

9. Do not let your partner become like your mom. Some of them like to do that and it's up to you to know when the line is crossed.

10. Do not backtrack, keep pushing forward or you'll end up in a non productive circle. Accept the truth for what it is and stop giving yourself false hope. When the relationship has ended, you must not dwell in the past.

11. Having a sense of humor is a good thing in general and for a relationship. However, know when you are crossing the line between humor and insensitivity.

12. They might expect you to know what they are thinking without having to tell you, so keep this in mind and pay attention to what they say, their attitude and their actions.

13. When the times are tough, your family and friends are always there for you. Remember what they have done during the hard times and keep them in your heart always.

14. Do not build your life around the person you love and vice versa. Have them a part of your life but do not make them your life.

15. When you love and accept reality, you will be forced to move on without the bitterness within. Strive for this.

16. Take responsibility for your feelings and the actions you make.

17. If you know for sure that the relationship will be going no where, it's better to end it sooner than later.

18. Do not look for a rebound after a serious relationship has ended. It's unhealthy for you, unfair to the rebound, and disrespectful to the ex.

19. Cut all ties and avoid contact for your own sake. NC is the way to go after a break up.

20. Eat right, sleep well, and work out to get ripped after a break up. You will feel so much better about yourself and will take your shirt off at every given chance^^

Double post due to lag sorry

Spelling error in rating! *there* It's late! Haha!

I learned

Dont be reckless with other peoples heart and don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

No matter how hard you try you can't make someone love you, that has to come from them.

Make sure your partner doesn't become the sole reason for your existence

Things are not always as they seem.

Things can only get better when you are at ure lowest point

The only person that makes a difference in ure life is you

I think the post from ThatGuy2, should be put into a sticky. Anyone else agree?

Yeah, I do. It is pretty profound. This entire thread is pretty good!

Rules to live by before a break-up! If everyone thought about these things ahead of time and followed them...well....the relationship forum would have fewer broken hearts!

We need to have a before and after thread. The first post someone has, compared to their latest, just to show how far you actually come by coming to this website. I swear, it is better on here than any kind of pill or other form of therapy you could get...

It is amazing how much I have grown on here, and others as well. Just incredible progression from start to finish.