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What did I learn after a devastating breakup?

Asked Jan 14, 2009, 10:58 PM — 20 Answers
1. There is no such thing as meant to be, the one, true love, or soul mates. There is only the love that you work hard for with your significant other. That in itself, is real love.

2. Love does not simply fall into place, that is infatuation. Love takes hard work, and as soon as one fails to do so, it will crumble as a whole.

3. Communication and honesty are the key foundations to a loving relationship. Both must be present or all will fail.

4. If you are not focused on your significant other for companionship, you are cheating. If you feel the need to hide your conversations with another man from your partner, you are cheating.

5. When looking for a life partner, search for compatibility instead of acceptability

6. You can't try to change a person to someone you want, you must accept the person for who they are. You can only change yourself.

7. Aim to strive for a better you, but don't let another person change who you are.

8. NEVER EVER pressure or guilt your loved one into doing something they don't want to. Do not emotionally blackmail them by making them feel guilty.

9. Do not let your partner become like your mom. Some of them like to do that and it's up to you to know when the line is crossed.

10. Do not backtrack, keep pushing forward or you'll end up in a non productive circle. Accept the truth for what it is and stop giving yourself false hope. When the relationship has ended, you must not dwell in the past.

11. Having a sense of humor is a good thing in general and for a relationship. However, know when you are crossing the line between humor and insensitivity.

12. They might expect you to know what they are thinking without having to tell you, so keep this in mind and pay attention to what they say, their attitude and their actions.

13. When the times are tough, your family and friends are always there for you. Remember what they have done during the hard times and keep them in your heart always.

14. Do not build your life around the person you love and vice versa. Have them a part of your life but do not make them your life.

15. When you love and accept reality, you will be forced to move on without the bitterness within. Strive for this.

16. Take responsibility for your feelings and the actions you make.

17. If you know for sure that the relationship will be going no where, it's better to end it sooner than later.

18. Do not look for a rebound after a serious relationship has ended. It's unhealthy for you, unfair to the rebound, and disrespectful to the ex.

19. Cut all ties and avoid contact for your own sake. NC is the way to go after a break up.

20. Eat right, sleep well, and work out to get ripped after a break up. You will feel so much better about yourself and will take your shirt off at every given chance^^

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20 Answers
annica949's Avatar
annica949 Posts: 8, Reputation: 10
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#11

Feb 18, 2009, 11:41 AM
Time heals ALL Wounds. Every big breakup sucks, and in time I've gotten over them without looking back
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MJisastar's Avatar
MJisastar Posts: 35, Reputation: 5
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#12

Aug 2, 2009, 10:49 AM
29. The best revenge to a mean ex is YOU yourself being happy!
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frangipanis's Avatar
frangipanis Posts: 1,027, Reputation: 374
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#13

Oct 3, 2009, 11:12 PM
That you don't have to go on being angry with your ex. My ex partner has been consistently kind towards me since we broke up. We've both still moved on and it took a while to restore some of the trust that was between us originally, but there remains a lot of affection, respect and gratitude for what we had. I'm glad for that.
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baap_ki_adalat's Avatar
baap_ki_adalat Posts: 18, Reputation: 1
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#14

Oct 19, 2009, 07:52 AM
Well I learnt that don't love someone to the extent that he/she takes you for granted. Accept the facts gracefully if she/he is avoiding. A person must have self respect and must show some attitude,if she really loves you, she will realize your love and come back to you someday. But meanwhile be open to other relations.....
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--Charles--'s Avatar
--Charles-- Posts: 10, Reputation: 5
New Member
  
#15

Oct 23, 2009, 08:18 AM
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

This is the only love I go by. If it happens in 4 days that I love someone then I believe it to be true (its never happened that quickly but you get my point). If you are able to do all of the above from the quote then THAT is love in my opinion. Anything that contradicts that statement is infactuation in my eyes.
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Faithlessfornow's Avatar
Faithlessfornow Posts: 10, Reputation: 10
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#16

Oct 26, 2009, 09:48 AM
I am going through a tough time at the moment and it is very early days BUT.. I have already come to realise that before you can form a close relationship with someone new you must first develop your own relationship - with yourself.

If you don't truly understand who you are and what makes you tick then how can you expect to find the right person to be with? Use your "single time" to find out a bit more about yourself. That is what I intend to do. Whether it is to find a hobby or do some travelling or maybe even just spend more time with your family or friends. Once you know what makes you tick then you can find someone who share your philiospies and interests. Most of us only learn this AFTER a break up!
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Silly Me's Avatar
Silly Me Posts: 15, Reputation: 10
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#17

Nov 6, 2009, 12:22 PM
Quote:
There is no such thing as meant to be, the one, true love, or soul mates.
No, I think there IS such a thing... But that doesn't mean that things will turn out the way you hope for them to. What schittbirds do.... Is their own business. You CAN fall in love, real love, with someone who cannot reciprocate. It's sad, it's unfair, but it happens. And there isn't anything you can do about it but accept it. You can't make another person love you.
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Justwantfair's Avatar
Justwantfair Posts: 3,422, Reputation: 4771
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#18

Dec 28, 2009, 07:55 AM
Never forget who your 'real' friends are because they are the support you (besides yourself) when you are down.
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alisadancer's Avatar
alisadancer Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
New Member
  
#19

Jan 28, 2010, 02:27 PM
I learned not to look for reasons or ways to fix it
It doesn't help you get over it and it won't change the situation
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rhinoa's Avatar
rhinoa Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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#20

Feb 18, 2010, 01:19 AM
Learn to be accepting, kind and forgiving to yourself. Only then you will be able to be accepting, kind and forgiving to others.
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