| What Did I Do Wrong? How Can It Be Fixed?
I am a bit lost over what happened to me on New Years eve, and would appreciate the opinions of others. here's the quick version: In NYC, at a bar (not too crowded, not too empty) 10 minutes 'tl new years. I'm alone at the bar. two ladies (one tall, blonde, relatively happy; one average brunette, very unhappy). They ask directions of the bartender (to another bar), and he obliges but follows with you'll have a better time here. the blonde (I'll continue to call her this as an alias) looks over at me twice, and takes out her wallet from her purse. Assuming correctly she has decided to stay for a drink, and seeing there was only one barstool available, I offered the blonde my chair. She said "Thank you." They ordered Rum and coke (both had obviously been drinking, but were not visually drunk)
I mind my business, and 5 minutes pass. The blonde turns to me and says: "So what's your story?" I responded briefly, and asked hers. She was an engineer. I noticed her friend, the brunette was sitting on the other side of her looking like she was the most unhappy person in the world. They spoke, and the blonde turned back to me and said "She's O.K." But clearly she did not want to be there. The blonde asked me for my number, and I gave her my business card. She said: "Let's get together for lunch next week." "I said, "O.K." But as is usual, I did not act overly enthusiastic. She kissed me on the cheek. They left to meet friends (something that had been obviously pre-arranged.)
Five minutes later, they returned: The brunette had lost her cell phone. I looked on the floor around where she had been sitting, but could not find it. The blonde then gave me her phone number and said "Call me if you find it." They left again. I went back to minding my own business, and 5 minutes later I noticed the phone laying on the floor. I immediately telephoned to the blonde. I told her the good news. She responded: "Bring us the phone and we'll buy you drinks all night!" They wer 10 blocks away. When I arrived they were with 3 additional people: two guys, maybe gay, maybe not, that appeared to be friends from work, and another girl (BTW: the blonde is 29 years old, but her friends looked to be 25ish).
Not wanting to tag along with strangers, when the blonde brought me into the group (out on the sidewalk), I said: "I'm just a guy returning a cell phone." The blonde responded: "No he's not. In fact, he and I have exchanged numbers!" She then put her arm around my arm and we all began walking toward another bar. She noted that we could all go up to "her palce" which we apparently walked passed, but suggested a bar would be better.) During which time, being my usual "cool" self, I probably gave more attention to the others than to her. When we arrived at this third location, I told her that I had to run across the street to get money from the ATM (which was true). As she was offering to pay the $20.00 cover for me, I just said, "It's just across the street, I'll be right back." And I thought it was very nice that she was waiting for me at the door even though her friends had already gone in.
So, finally, she and I are together, and then she says, "Have you seen [her friend the brunette] (whom I had assumed had gone in with the others). Me, being the "nice guy" offered to look through the night club (which was small, but crowded). The blonde then said"Will you recognize her?" And I responded "Yes, of course." And she says "O.K., but come over to our table and be with me when you come back!" So off I go looking for the miserable brunette, and she is not in the club. I go outside, nothing. I go to the restroom. And then i head back for the table she had said she and her friends would be waiting at. I notice her looking around and presumed she was looking for the brunette, and so I let her pass me and continued to the table. But as I approached the table, I saw her other friends heading somewhere (I later realized somewhere was out of there.) I waited alone at the table for ten minutes before I realized I had been left by all of them!
After another 5 minutes, I sent her a text: "Good Night," to which she never responded. For unrelated reasons, I changed my number several days later, and so i sent her an email at her work giving her my new number. She neither responded by email or phone. So, after several more days, I followed up with a letter to her office (I did not have her home address, although I do now know it.) In the letter I joked that she had not yet fulfilled her promise of buying me drinks all night... It was short and sweet. It has been 2 weeks, and she has not contacted me.
And so my questions are: What happened here? I realize she could have been intoxicated, and her friends may have taken her home - but I was not being aggressive, and not threatening in any way. I think her brunette friend did not want her with me, and I think her brunette friend got lost on purpose. I do think that having kissed me, introduced me as the person she exchanged phone numbers with, and held my arm as we walked, that perhaps my leaving to use the ATM, look for her missing friend, and use the restroom, while she and her remaining friends waited, made her, or them, feel that I was ignoring her. BUT my text and my letter, even though polite, must've let her know I am interested.
What do you think I did wrong? And can it be fixed? I never have called her because she did not respond to my text, email, or letter, and I don't want to appear to be some crazy stalker-type. I do like this lady, she was attractive in several ways, not just physically. She is a very successful engineer. (Although you would not guess that by her friends' appearances).
Your input will be greatly appreciated.
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