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For me, the best way to handle a relationship breakdown is to take some time to evaluate what happened and what to do next. Or if its even worth your time or effort? You can't make someone care about you, if they don't. No matter what you do. You can only tell them that you are available if and when they want to talk or embrace. Loving someone, sometimes means sacrificing your own wishes for that of the others. Rejection has a sharp edge and if your not careful it can turn around a spear you with the other matching end.
Well, there are many people here that will be able to sympathise with you. Best thing to do is try to keep as busy as possible, give yourself goals for the new year. Get fit, join clubs, go out with friends, meet up with family, best to keep active. You will have good days and bad days. You will go through many emotions, and although the whole experience is absolutely horrible, you can become a stronger person for it. We all have regrets about being needy etc, we can't help that, this is what we thought was best to do at the time. I too feel this, if I hadn't called my ex when he was thinking about ending the relationship, it might have helped. The agonising thing is we will never know the answers to some questions.
I have seen someone really go downhill after a breakup. She lost loads of weight, was drinking all the time, took 2 months off work. I decided I was not going to be like that. I had a bad time at the beginning, but I just kept going to the gym, I joined a night class etc. Drinking does not help. You need good friends to give you support, and you will find good support here.
I am pretty much going through the same thing and it is so hard! it has been 6 months now and it still hurts just like it happened yesterday! It will just take a lot of time but time does heal all wounds as they say. You will meet someone else special someday when you are ready but just take time and try new things, keep your mind off of it and each day will get better and better. )
First off, leave the guilt alone . Most times we want to wonder what we did to mess up this relationship and push some one away, and the truth is that it had nothing to do with you. Some times a relationship doesnt work just because, and its no ones fault, so don't be so quick to take on guilt, its no ones fault. Accept that it is over and be ready to move on. What most of us do is build a life around our partner and depend on them for our happiness and security. So unbalanced and unhealthy as well as smothering and way to needy. Its best to maintain a life you enjoy without your partner, and give them and you space to grow and do what they enjoy doing on their own. Once you accept the relationship is over, not only will you heal faster but will be much healthier moving on.
Location: United Kingdom - usually cold and wet here!
Posts: 1,276
I will admit that in a lot of ways, my ex became a big part of my life and It is so easy to lose yourself in someone which is so unhealthy. When it comes to an abrupt end, you question everything and place too much blame either on yourself or the person that dumped you. In the end, it can drive you insane, thinking, thinking and thinking some more. The first month was a nightmare for me and I was a complete mess or at least, that is what I thought, totally broken up inside....Now things are much clearer and although I still hurt inside, I am in a position where I can step outside for a minute and look inwards.
The best thing you can do is to keep yourself busy, remain out of contact with your ex and begin to work on yourself...I have now taken up a couple of hobbies that I never paid any attention to while I was with her and I feel better for it..This is a fine example of how you must still keep other areas of your life active while in a relationship. Although I did have a life outside my ex, I certainly think that some parts of my life became dormant and neglected because of my distraction with her..
Also, instead of thinking, try to feel!! There is a difference. It all takes time and you will hurt for some time. Time has actually been my most powerful tool in the healing process..
So I am going to say it again because I love it so much!!! TIME IS A GREAT HEALER
Everyone has a different time scale and there are no definate limits to how long it can take. I am not fully healed yet but I will tell you that I feel so much better than I did 3 months ago.
I have a friend who just had a break up with her husband after 30 years of marriage due to infidelity on her husbands part. She called me in the middle of the night tonight in tears. Why? Because her mother asked her, "What did you do to make him want someone else?" Talk about an insensitive mother! Alot of the time, when a relationship ends, it is the woman that gets all of the flack whether it was her fault or not. I believe it is very sad for this way of thinking. Now, on top of feeling like crap that her husband cheated on her with someone 20 years her junior, she has to be belittled by her mother of all people. I just don't get insensitive people! And probably never will! She needed support and understanding. Not a put down!
You handle a relationship breakdown by doing the no contact thing first and foremost. Then you get busy and get a life. Do the things that interest you and put yourself first. Take up new interests or "dust off" old ones. This will make you a stronger and healthier person.
Location: Now hailing from St. Petersburg, Florida US of A, North America, planet Earth, Milky Way Galaxy.
Posts: 2,122
I think a big mistake people make is to start over thinking, "where did I go wrong" or What if I did this?" Your so emotionally wrapped up that thats the wrong time to start play What ifs. You have to look back months maybe even years later to try and figure out what went wrong.
Sometimes relationships just end. That has to be accepted. It's not taught in movies or culture but it's a reality. A relationship cannot sustain itself if one party is absent or chooses to get out.
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