i was with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years, and some of you may have read my older posts. we've been through a lot. our relationship was a long term emotional roller coaster. i recently broke up with him because i discovered that throughout our entire relationship, he was talking to other girls behind my back, seeing other girls behind my back, and being a compulsive liar when i tried to address him about it. he told me he wanted to "keep his options open". i told him " i don't want to be one of your options, i want to be the only one". so i broke up with him. before we broke up i was constantly looking for more and more evidence to prove that he was cheating on me. i kept finding little blog/web pages where he would say he was single and his only friends were females which he talked to in a flirtatious manner. so i ended it. now i know that i can never go back to him. i just can't bring myself to such self disrespect. i want to start from scratch. i want to discover more about myself before i jump into another foolish relationship like this one. the first thing i want to do is be abstinent for as long as possible. if i find another man that im attracted to i want to hold out on sex as long as i possibly can to find out if he truly cares about me. what kind of advice would ya'll give about finding the right person. what should i look for? what red flags should i recognize? how do i make sure this never happens to me again? thankyou for your help

serena6878

Please begin from learning about each other, and then become friends, and good friends, and finally lovers.
You now could keep your options open, but not in the same selfish way with you ex-boyfriend. So before believing he is the right person, just develop the friendship based on respect and happiness.
I hope you would find Mr. Right soon!

rawr_itssonya

yeah i wanna be with Mr. Right and i just wanna eliminate all the Mr. Wrongs that get in his way of being with me

serena6878

I know a psychology quiz to see whether he likes you or not. Later you can try as a game with him.
Let him pick one of the fingers of your right hand. If he picks thumb, it means true love; the pinkie, it means he likes you but never tells you; index finger, it means he is not serious. (I just remember these :> )

talaniman

The best way to find someone is to find yourself. If your busy making your self happy by building a life you enjoy, someone will want to share that happiness with you. Relax and don't rush it, and abstinance until you know someone very well, is a great idea, and cuts down on confusion as to what you feel. Sex complicates things greatly.

mustard_seed

From my vault of tell-tale signs:
Ask about his past relationships and why they ended. Keep smiling & chuckle a little and he won't notice you taking MENTAL NOTES.

How long was his longest relationship last.

Meet his friends. It is true that you can judge how someone REALLY is by the type of people they hand around with.

Meet his family--more importantly, his mother. How he treats her and what he says about her is EXACTLY how you will be treated down the road.

Can he maintain employment.

Does his personality change depending who he is with. This could be sign that he is fake or phony. We all clean up out act somewhat but fakers always take it too far--over the top differences.

Does he use foul language as common everyday words? Imagine what type of words he might use when angry with you.

Finally, Is he a bully? This is huge! If he bullies others...

Chery

You can't. Nobody can.


There is no guarantee in any relationship. From your posts, you have indicated that you 'search' for proof... not all guys are potential cheaters and you should not focus on that possibility with the next guy right off the bat - that will ensure instant failure. You need to figure out within yourself why you develop distrust. Yes, some of it was justified, but remember that there is always a second chance out there, and the willingness to accept that we all are not perfect helps.

Nobody is perfect, but we do tend to mend our ways, learn and grow, when the right person comes along. Guys take chances with us and we take chances with them in hopes that growing and learning together brings us to bonding.

So, go out there, get to know others, abstain for as long as you want until you feel secure in all other aspects of the relationship and you'll both be rewarded. Check out each other's worlds and see if these worlds can blend into your scheme of a world together. Lots of fun and communication about everything under the sun is always a good start - even if it just winds up as a great friendship.

Good hunting, dear. Keep us posted.

You have to get your feet wet if you want to swim.

It could take months, and it could take years before we find the right person to share life with.

liz28

I was in the same situation with with ex instead he use to go the chat line, not a free one, to talk to girls which I found it to very disrespect and left him for it.

Now I just goings out with guys on dates and just taking things slow, I not looking for a relationship and I let them know I make sure I learned all about their past and plans for the future but remember sometimes when your not looking for something that when you find it. Also you meet someone that will appricate the good and bad from you and will love you.It good you went through that with your ex because now you know what you want and dont want and remember actions speaks louder than words. good luck.