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I want to fix this before I lose touch again, how do I get the old relationship back?
Hello everyone, I am curious what you think about this situation. I hope that you can provide me some insight, as I am nervous about where things are going. Please help me.
I have been with my girlfriend for a year now, and things went very well until the past few months. We had a short break up that lasted a week, granted it was almost completely my fault, but her fault for not communicating her problems with the relationship earlier on, which she admitted. After no contact for a few days we got together and we talked about things, and we got back together. I said the only way I would get back together with her is if she promised that we could communicate and that this sort of thing would not happen again. She agreed.
Things went well for awhile, but we have a problem again. Lately, she thinks that I want to see her a bit too much and that she isnt able to spend time with friends who want to hang out with her. She is more independent. She says that she still loves me, but she dont know if she will forever because she doesnt like how I am judgemental of certain individuals including some of her friends with a shady past. (I hate drugs and people who use them, and some of them do.) I call them scum bags, slimey, ect. She takes offense to this and I understand.
Also, she gives rides to this guy that doesnt have a car to his job and home a lot. This guy has a girlfriend who is pregnant, I know that it is nothing like that. She isnt even attracted to him. She just likes helping people out. My problem? He always calls on OUR time. She said that I am being unreasonable because it only takes a half hour to pick him up and that I can come along and ride in the car, so its not like we are apart or anything. While this is true, I just hate dropping things for some guy that cant find anyone else to give him a ride.
When we first got together, I had been reading some materials that listed the qualities women wanted. I told her that we couldnt center our lives around each other, that I love an independent woman, that I wanted her to have her own life. I said that I didnt care if she hung out with other guys and that I am secure with that, but if there is any cheating that I cannot forgive it. She loved that I was like this, and I think its why she fell for me so hard initially. Fast forward a year later, and I have become insecure and completely incongruent with my original self. We dont talk as much but she still loves me.
What im asking you guys, is what can I do, how can I show her that I am going back to my old self, so that I dont lose her? I think that it is good that I am realizing this NOW before it is too late and I get myself dumped. Please, anything would help. It's not too late to fix this. How can I get her thinking/missing me again like she did?
The reason for not seeing her much is that she is in school during the day, and then on Tuesday and Thursday night she has night school and she cant see me those nights. She has family nights where she must stay home sunday and wednesday. She is 18, I am 20, didnt mention that earlier. She works Saturday and Sunday. Friday and Monday is usually the only days we get.
She says because of this she feels that every moment of her free time is just with us, that she doesnt get to spend any time with her friends. She says that she will have more time in the summer.
Well that's the problem! She is 18, is going to school and wants to have fun. That is what the young years are about. She has a busy life and wants to have time to play and be with you.
You two are on two different pages. You need to find someone who is maybe not so busy and can spend more time with you.
If you intend on keeping this female, stop complaining about her time, and start having a good time. She is to busy to have a b/f who complains whenever they are together, just because thats the stage she is at. Exploring, having fun, wild and loose. You want a steady g/f to hug, cuddle, and snuggle with, and give you personal time. Homegirl was right, your at different places in your life. Dude, she has a lot of growing to do, so be very flexible, and go with the flow, or move on. This philly isn't ready to be tamed yet, and any effort to coral her, or slow her roll, will only lead to her wanting her freedom even more. Your decision to make. Have fun, or give her freedom, without you.
Yesterday she broke no contact and said that she was really busy and was surprised that I didnt call or text. We talk over text and we agree to have her come over for awhile. She said after she finished her homework with that guy she gives a ride home. (They both have the same classes) so I wait until 9 and she gets there and stays for awhile. I told her I was out shopping with a friend so it was alright, got some new clothes.
Things go well, she leaves and she asked if I wanted her to call when she gets home, I said sure. She calls and we talk, she said she forgot she was supposed to call her brother and said she would call me back. I said I was going to bed at midnight. She said she would call or text. Well, she never did either. She also said she would call me this morning to wake me up before she went to school and I went to work, she never did. I dont know if she slept in which she commonly does, or if she just didnt care. Same applies to last night, I dont know if it just got too late or what.
How to I handle it? I've told her in the past to please not tell me you are going to call ect if you dont plan on doing it. She never used to be bad about this, just recently. Do I act unaffected and just not mention it?
I had taken the advice of another person on the forum here after her and I had a small issue he said that I should wait for her to call/text me. So I did. I am just tired of always texting her or initiating contact in the morning. I dont want to look clingy or becoming annoying to her for calling her out on not calling when she says she will, im afraid it will turn her off.
Okay, when you HAVE been in contact with her, whether it is face to face or on the phone, are you talking to her about the issues that you are mentioning in these posts? Or, are you avoiding the issues and just trying to have a good time with her?
I agree with Talaniman that this no contact should not be used in your situation because you need to talk to her about these issues. If you are talking to her about the issues, great. However, if you are not, what are you waiting for? I hate this no contact stuff unless you are truely broken up. If you are in a relationship, stop with all of the games and call the person if you feel the need to talk!!!! If you have broken up with someone, there should not be any contact unless it is absolutely necessary.
It is simple, you need to contact someone to talk through the issues. Once this is done, then you need to decide if you want to continue with a relationship. Keep in mind that a good relationship should add to your life, not take away from it. If you find yourself exerting a lot of unnecessary energy working on it, etc. and it is taking away from your overall life, then this is not a good relationship. You need to be happy with yourself and love yourself before anyone else can love you. Being a doormat means that you do not respect yourself because you are constantly putting the needs of someone else before your own needs. However, being over demanding also means that someone needs to do certain things in order to keep you happy. Either way, this is codependant thinking and is NOT healthy. Only you can make yourself happy, no one can do that for you.
I love this girl a lot, but I just wonder with her blowing off calling me back and such. I have talked to her about it before, she says that she is sorry that she has been busy but she was just a bit fed up with me negative attitude. Im working on it and she seems ok with me in person, but I dont know if her not returning a few calls when she says she will constitutes a breakup, and I dont know if I should continue nagging as I may become more like a mom.
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