I want to bring us back together, but I have no idea how. Can someone tell me how?

It’s been over a year now that it’s been over. But about half of that year my ex and I have still clearly had an emotional attachment (talking about being confused and scared that we were breaking up, etc). I admit that on his part, it’s been less. But I also admit that he’s a better friend and is known for having a big heart in general.

I need help. This is all affecting me greatly; even though it’s been more than a year and a half since he has left!

The problem is that he’s a good friend…and sometimes this confuses me into thinking that there is hope.
He doesn’t tell me he loves me or doesn’t ever try to get close to me physically anymore (since we have broken up), but he goes out of his way to do things for me that show someone cares. For example, I was telling my friend that I had been studying so much that I didn’t have time to even eat. My friend told my ex this, and as a result my ex asked her to make sure I’m home between a certain time, and had my favorite pizza delivered to my place. Or on my birthday a few months ago, he read me a poem he wrote about me. It was platonic and about how I was his best friend. He’s just a big sweetheart, and I think that’s what kills. He’s visited twice more since then, I’ve made sure not to see him because it’s emotionally overbearing. I haven’t told him that that is the reason, but he knows it I’m sure.

I drove him away. I had said I didn’t want a serious relationship (which is what I truly felt at the time). Now I am beating myself up over that. He wanted me in every way and even talked about moving away with him and being his forever. I couldn’t help but feel that this is not what I wanted at the time (I was 22). He was hurt that he was moving and that I didn’t want to be his; so he left and moved on without me. I missed him and still miss him like crazy. I realized how much I wanted him and loved him when he left. I was actually realizing this months before he was leaving! I tried to tell him months before he left that I had made a mistake, and I said I would move away with him, but he said he didn’t understand where my emotions were coming from because for the past two years I had been pushing him away. I tried everything to show that I was in love with him and wanted him, but nothing worked.

Now he has a new girlfriend. He’s been contacting me, but he still says he only cares about me as a friend. I miss him and love him dearly. I don’t know what to do. I backed off these past 8 months. I never call him, message his phone, or even message him online. I want to respect him and leave him to be with his choice. For his birthday I really pushed him away and said I was too busy to see him. I feel horrible, but I know if I see him all I will want to do is cry in his arms...

I miss him and I love him so much. I know we are meant to be together. I wish that we could just love each other deeply at the same time. It’s as if we have been taking turns. What do I do to get him back or make him see we are meant to be together? I’ve tried no contact, and it has had him seeking me out, but then it’s faded when I respond or join in getting the communication going again. And no contact, I have to admit, makes me feel like a bad friend. He goes out of his way to do things for me or contact me and to show he cares, but I’ve been distancing myself because I’ve also been attempting to accept that we cannot be together. That’s not what I want to do though! I just want to be in his arms. I’m confused as to what I should do. No contact has also made use grow apart...like he had a new phone number and I didn't know about it until he called me weeks after he got it. Or I moved to a new place and he never knew about it until he came to town. Etc, etc. We use to be first to know things about each other, but now we're last. This scares me.