I have been with iain for 4 years now... 4 of them he was married for... we finally finalized the divorce... how long should I give him to make a commitment to me... should I wait and give him a breather, or expect a band.

Aren't you a psychic? Does it not work for your own destiny?
Just wondering.

Perhaps he is not sure if he wants to get married again.

You did not provide engouh information as to be able to address his state of mind.

Give him some time, talk with him about it. If you want to get married, you need to communicate this with him. He might be happy to just live with you for the rest of your lives, without ever officially getting married.

So, talk with him about this.

I dated someone soon after they got divorced and found that he definitely needed time to readjust to life before even considering any big commitments. It is usually good to give someone a breather from their previous relationship before trying to get them into another big commitment. I agree with captainforest in that you just need to communicate with him and give him some time. I am sure he will let you know when and if he is ready if you discuss it with him.

Yeah - I don't think he'll be read yanytime soon.

I dated a gal 5 years out of a divorce and she wasn't ready.

My sister got married 2 years after her divorce.

Like in almost everything we discuss - everyone is different.

BUT, I would have left this guy A LONG TIME AGO - HE CHEATED ON HIS WIFE WITH YOU - HE WILL CHEAT ON YOU!! TRUST ME. THIS NEVER FAILS.

He's liar and cheater.

Would you want your daughter to be with someone like this? Of course not.

You sound bitter.

If you had been with him for 4 years and he first got around to getting divorced, best bet he has little plan on getting married for some time.
Why should he,? From the sound of it, is he already living with you?

"You sound bitter."

Hahahaha - no way. I just laugh at people who sick with married guys for 4 years and then expect them to marry them.

I just think it's ridiculous these wome nsticking around for these married guys when there are literally millions of guys out there single - it reeks of desperate, needy, low-self esteem.

How about working on yourself and not spending time with a married guy and all his mess.

I want these people to relaize how dumb it is. How these guys string them along. It's pathetic.

She cheated on him, left him 9 months after they got married and went to another country. He was actively seeking for her so they could finalize. She was out of the picture for six months before I met Iain.(whoms father is a minister) Infidelity hurts, I would never get involved with some one whom was in love with another person, that's self destructive. I choose to be with him, because I love him... I guess I answered my own question. (thanks) But I am in no way needy. I have been asked "out" while in this (as I mentioned I do not cheat.. ) relationship... When you love someone I guess you accept there faults, along with the good.

And yes I am an accurate reader. I cold read...

I don't care - you wait until the guy gets a divorced before getting involved - must be fun sneeking around - and it's unhealthy. I bet $1 million he has lied to you on numerous occasions... PLUS he cheated on his wife - he WILL cheat on you - always - that the pice of the puzzle women NEVER get. Never.

Sorry - that's cold hard facts - I never known a cheater to stop. They do ittheir whole lives. Just warning. You'll know.

Technically he wasn't a cheater. They were separated and lived apart. That fact happens all the time. People separate and don't bother finalizing the divorce until it's really needed, usually due to one of them meeting someone else. That's life and it happens all the time.