Wait from interest from her or show interest first

onlineguy · #1 Feb 23, 2007, 08:21 AM

Following on somwhat from the other posts.

If a guy finds a girl physicaly atractive, aproaches her and ask her out. He in affect is letting her know that she is of high value to him. If she says yes great. But if she says no then the rejections is a statement of him being of low value to her. Nobody likes to be of low value.

Since women do not aproach and will only go for a guy who aproaches her, then she does not put herself in the position of rejection. But equally she may not get aproached by a guy who could be right for her.

Also women act in an unaproachable manner, kind of a shield. They will shoot a guy down before getting to know him. Unless the guy is just being nice in which case they wil see him as a friend. Resulting in rejection at a later date if he pursues a relationship.

So in effect all of this relates to a guy having to show her value, and taking a roll of a dice !

I dont know about you guys and girls out there, but without meaning to sound arrogant or full of myself, of which I am neither. I am of value ! I wont allow someone to say or treat me like I am not and I do not take kindly to someone showing, treating, or indicating that I am of no or little value. So I will not allow someone to be in such a position over me.

( We dont allow this to take place in out work envioroment or our social envioroment so why in our pursuit of finding another to care for !?!? ).

Surly the attraction should be 50 50. But how can it be if it has to rely on a man aproaching and the woman having all the power/ control...call it what you will.

I think more of someone who considers / treats me and shows me that my value is appreciated. If a woman rejects a man without giving herself a chance to know him, this is showing him lack of value and disrespect. Both unaceptable behaviour from a guy to a girl and from a girl to a guy !!!!!!!

So what is the way to ask someone out without them being on such a higher value than you and being able to shoot you down, reject you. ???

(is it best to communicate and wait for indicators of interest from her (value in you) before you tell her that you like her ! (value in her) or tell her that you like her as an indication of interest (value ) from you first so that she will either view you in a partner way or reject you in a partner way ?

Is there a way to be with someone without the possibility of rejection ? which I take offence at.

rol · Feb 23, 2007, 08:37 AM

<<is it best to communicate and wait for indicators of interest from her (value in you) before you tell her that you like her ! (value in her) or tell her that you like her as an indication of interest (value ) from you first so that she will either view you in a partner way or reject you in a partner way >>

you do not have to tell her you like her. As i said before you need to be uncertain in the beginning, a woman does not like a man who tells her he likes her without even knowing who she is!!!
Just ask her out simply like "we should go and have a coffee/drink sometime"
if she says ' no' then dont act upset , just change the subject.

usually if i like a guy who talks to me , i would not ask him out but if he brought up something that i have an interest in example music, i would tell him oh i know this good place etc, and usually he would say oh we should go some evening.

So perhaps next time you talk to a girl find out her interests and do that approach, you will be able to tell by her attitude if she is interested or not.Again for the third time today "CONFIDENCE IS KEY"

Nosnosna · Feb 23, 2007, 08:37 AM

First of all, women do approach. I've been approached any number of times.

Now, as for the rest of it... of course you're of value. But if you expect everyone to think that, then you're in for a whole lot of disappointment in your life. Do you automatically put a high value on every single person you see on the street? That random person over there, the one you didn't even notice until I pointed him out to you... that's who you are to some people. That's who we all are.

It's always a roll of the dice when you approach someone. There's no way to change that. The thing is, how much value do you ascribe to them before approaching? The more of that you do, the more you think about them, the harder it will be to take a rejection. If it's just somebody that you look at and say 'Hey, she looks neat' and go say hi, and she tells you to sod off, all you've lost is those few seconds. Who is she to you? Nothing important, just some girl. It's when you've seen her, thought about her, agonized over asking her out, started fantasizing about the ensuing relationship... then you get devastated if she says no, because you have all of this emotional invested in something that hasn't even existed.

Don't wait to ask a girl out... just go out and do it. Rejection is only hard if you've built up an expectation of acceptance.

Synnen · Feb 23, 2007, 08:52 AM

Here's a couple questions for you, Onlineguy, just to put it into a little perspective:

Have you EVER been approached by a girl? If so, did you automatically say yes just because she was interested in you?

If you haven't been approached by a girl...If a girl you don't know, but who has a class with you or something, approaches you, and is NOT your ideal woman (she's overweight, doesn't know how to dress, or stutters when she talks to you because she's so nervous, for examples)--Would you automatically say 'yes' because she has value? Or because she had the guts to ask you out? Remember...you don't know this girl at ALL. She's just someone you have a class with. You know NOTHING about her, but she likes you, and has just asked you out.

Do you see what I'm getting at? Just because guys have the guts to ask a girl doesn't mean they'll automatically be taken up on it, regardless of how cocky he is, or how much of a jerk. And while physical appearance isn't everything, if you don't at least talk to someone first, they're not going to know anything about you EXCEPT your physical appearance!

Basically...it's not necessary for either gender to ask someone out. But if you don't ask, you'll never know.

vintagedoll1940 · Oct 11, 2009, 09:16 PM

not sure if i understand but since i read your post it would be nice to reply.

I dont think men are the only one who make the first move.
some women make the first move.
some times they are both afraid to make the first move.
As for the whole value idea men some times think there to important and being a 18 year old teen dealing with highschool boys i can honestly say the whole value thing comes from witch ever one thinks looks better then the other...

hope you can read some of my posts and answere because we can really relate them and share ideas.

much love



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