Asked Aug 12, 2005, 01:43 PM
I'm bored...this might not sound very fluent because I'm pretty much just typing what comes off my head. Feel free to add things and i'll edit it and we can make it into something big that everyone can read, because it seems like everyone has the relative same problems. I used to be there, not anymore.
We'll start small...and work our way up (meeting someone -> relationships, marriage)
V. Break up!
So you notice that girl/guy you find physically attractive, what do you do? Most people won't even go up to them no matter what the situation because of a lot of things. Confidence, insecure, doubt, etc. It's all in your head.
Okay so you gained enough balls to actually go up to the person, what do you say? How do you say it? Oh my! I'm freaking out over here! Chill out. Before you even step foot in this direction you need to understand some things. The most major of things is that ATTRACTION is NOT a choice. If they is physically attracted to you, they will open a small door for you to see through.
I can only really talk from a guy talking to a girl here...if you are a girl feel free to tell me to add some things.
Before you even bother going up to her, you have to make yourself and your mind confident...if you aren't they will smell that and kick you away.
Okay so now you are talking to her and she seems to enjoy your company for the first 10 seconds. Great, you just took down a barrier. Now comes the part that will either make or break your chances to get a phone number or email address. Do not talk to her in some mono tone voice or stand there with your hands in your pockets, you will automatically be booted to the curb. Have some fenece in your voice, make lots of eye contact...don't slack off here, touch her...reach over and touch her shoulder or play with her hair or put your hand on her back...this breaks a barrier...a very important one...she will either ditch you or let you invade her space, body language...express yourself through your body not just your mouth. Make "cocky funny" statements if approriate, aka being a smart but playful, and make sure she knows it's playful. Bust her balls about something, like what she is drinking, or how she is dressed. Sounds like it won't work right, trust me it will unless she hates you to begin with. Most importantly, BE YOURSELF, and act like you WANT her but you sure as hell don't NEED her.
Alright alright, so you are doing all of this and she seems into you for sure but how do you know when you are talking to her? Every girl is different here, but i'll fill you in on some common things. Eyes dilate, plays with her glass or hair or anything, seems kind of shy...hard for her to keep eye contact with you sometimes, if and when you touch her...she doesn't move away and kind of enjoys it.
Now close it, tell her that you need to get going, friends need you, whatever, and then ask for her number or email address. You want to make the conversation with her between 2-10 minutes at minimum though there are always exceptions. Ask her if she wants to hook up later in the week for coffee or lunch, give her your phone and tell her to put in her number.
Now you have a date, GJ. I just covered over basics...there are more to it then just this, and once you go out and do it you'll learn all of that naturally.
II. The Date!
Once again this is for guys...if you are a girl feel free to tell me to add things for the girls point of view.
So you call her up on a day you aren't so busy, and hopefully she won't be either. Here is where some guys mess up. Don't worry about when you call her...aka...1 week later, 3 days later, or 1 day later, call her when YOU have time to call and set something up. When you call make suer you are forward. If you want to go out for coffee say something like: "Hey this is darrel, just wanted to ask if you wanted to get some coffee today." she'll say yes or no...if no ask for another day, or better yet ask her to call you when she isn't busy...if yes say something like: "alright how about Starbucks on hwy X at 6pm if you need directions let me know, see you there?" she'll probably say yes...I don't see why she would say no at this point. Another thing, make sure you are the one that picks where you go, if she does that's fine too, just don't say "i don't know" or "i don't care." BORING, she's going to NEXT you more then likely, we both know you are more outgoing then that.
Now she says yes, your happy, you go there a little early...sit down and wait for her to come...but she doesn't show up. 15mins roll by...then 30mins...45...and you are wondering to yourself why. Well let me tell you, you are single, you shouldn't feel so down on this 1 girl that you met...matter of fact when you were where ever you were (bar, mall, etc) you should of met more then 1 girl to begin with! NEXT this girl, don't ever call her again, if she calls you and gives you some BS story then it's up to you to let her back in or not.
Unless you like blowing your money, stop giving her so many damn gifts! Get her something little on the days of "special occasions," and RANDOMLY surprise her on nonspecial occasions. Example: You give her something today...you've been going out for a few months, nothing special about today. 2-3 months later...maybe more do something again, keep it random, keep her guessing. She will apprietiate (spelling?) it much more when you keep her guessing then if she can see it coming. Try to be creative too, not flowers every single time or jewelry, even though they love it because it's expensive. Do something creative...for an example...I did this for my last girlfriend who actually is really really immature now and is actually not what I even want (turtle and wild know what I'm talking about
), anyways...before she left to go to Europe for a week with her family...I took her to dinner. Nothing fancy, just the Olive Garden, and I gave her a pink rose I bought at a grocery store and a construction paper made present. I traced my hand and glued it on some construction paper and wrote on the hand: "When you are not with me, and feel the need to hold me, place your hand on mine" or something in that extent. I have more but I don't want to bore you guys.
Another thing, so you gave into an argument because she thinks you are wrong and she is right? Whatever, just don't say you are "sorry!" You doing that makes her take 2 steps forward in the relationship and you taking 2 steps back. And for goodness sakes don't buy her a gift for make up, YOU are the gift to HER to begin with, treat it as it is.
Here is where a lot of you mess up, including myself in the past. We've all been there, we've all wondered why they broke up with us, we've all been depressed because of it. So you ask why, how and what caused it.
First thing, you first start going out with someone, everything is great right? Well that's because you are so fresh into the relationship of course it is! You and your partner are on a HIGH. Here is where a lot of people mix up love with new feelings. I just wanted to point this out because a lot of people don't really realize this and sometimes they get married while still on this high and end up getting divorced because it wore off.
ANYWAYS, just because you are dating this person doesn't mean you should stop doing your regular daily objectives. Don't forget that you still have friends, work, school, errons, working out, personal enjoyment. This person is part of your life now...notice the word "part." They are not your WHOLE life. Why take down all those years of your life over someone you met a month ago. Exactly, don't. People mess this up ALL THE TIME. Think of it like a new toy when you were a kid. Do you still play with it now? Matter of fact do you even remember it? Probably not, you played and played and played with it and soon or a later you got bored of it, or you conqured it and it was no longer a challenge. That's how relationships are, if you see each other every day, talk about your feelings 6 hours a day, and sit and watch TV or movies every time you see each other, that's boring. Remember, if I took your computer, your car, and your bed away for a few days, you would def. Be more grateful when you get them back.
Think of relationships as a 2 circular refrig magnets (this is taken from DD but I think what he says is very very true). If they both are facing each other with opposite sides (+ and -), they will cling together. That's bad. If they face each other with the same sides (+ and + or - and -) they will repell...so when one magnet gets closer to the other...that magnet starts moving away at a safe distance from the one that is closing in. Then if you take the magnet that was being repelled and move it toward the other magnet that one is going to start moving away. In relationship sense, it keeps things balanced, keeps everyone guessing (not in a bad way), and livens the relationship up. Like if I was dating someone and they were packed with stuff to do for week...I would naturally be drawn in to her more because I can't be with her. Then the next week we are back together and what not...then the following week I'm the one that is very busy and she naturally is drawn into me. Hopefully that makes sense because I can't draw a picture.
That's it for now I had enough typing for a little bit, give me some feedback.
I have to post this in a different post because it's over 10000 characters.